View Full Version : I'm gay but how do I come out

September 10th, 2017, 02:56 AM
So I'm gay and it's very difficult to come out. But my brother and sister are both bi. But my mom wants me to become a paster, so if u come out if feel like she would be hurt and ashamed. Anytgoughts

September 10th, 2017, 03:00 AM
Welcome to the site :)

And your mother should love you no matter what! She should accept your romantic preferences since they're not going to change. She may be hurt a little at first but she will understand that it's not your fault and she may have to compromise the idea of you becoming a pastor. It's very unlikely that she will be ashamed if your other siblings are bi :) How did they tell her? Maybe ask them for advice. At the end of the day you need to do what feels natural to you. And letting her know is the first step to acceptance and will maybe help reduce your worries. :)

September 10th, 2017, 03:11 AM
Introductions :arrow: Teen Sexuality and Gender.

This fits better here. Welcome!

September 10th, 2017, 03:12 AM
You have to be yourself you can't just he straight to make mum happy. Can you not be a gay paster ?

Just JT
September 10th, 2017, 06:49 AM
Don't come out
I'm serious, just don't.
Everyone thinks we're all straight unless we "come out" and proclaim our sexuality.

Just do what's in your heart, follow your heart. People will figure it out soon enough

There is no shame in being yourself. Only a proud strong happy person. A strong happy person who's living the life they want for themselves. Whether it's a Pastor, truck driver, or nurse.

Not the life someone else wants for you. In the end, your mom will love you regardless of who you are or what you do for a career.

And if she can't.....the shame is on her, and so is the loss bro

And welcome to VT!!!

September 12th, 2017, 01:01 PM
Please don't spend your life based on your mom's feelings and wishes. She gave you life, so now go and live it. It's not the job of parents to decide what you'll do and how you'll live your life. I can't imagine your mom actually wanting to do that to you. Sounds like you need to start talking to her, a little bit at a time, about the things that are really important to you.

September 14th, 2017, 08:18 PM
Obviously you know that you were born gay and that you can't just shut that off. You have been given some good advice already here. My question to you is first do you really want to become a pastor? Some churches now have opened up to accepting gay pastors and some have not. You might check to be sure if your church allows gay pastors. My next thought is that you need to do what YOU want to do for a career. Your happiness comes before what any one else wants from you. Your mom can't dictate your life to you. It is your choice of what to do with your life and whether or not you want to come out too.I wish you the best of luck.

September 17th, 2017, 07:07 PM
Good advice already given. You haven't said if your mom accepts your brother and sister as bi? If so, then accepting you as gay shouldn't be a real stretch. In any case, be yourself, not what someone else wants you to be. And the pastor thing? Is that something that you want? Don't do it because that's what your mom might want -- you'll be very unhappy.

September 20th, 2017, 04:35 PM
Plenty of very good advice here - it's clear to me that the most important thing is that you are true and honest to yourself, and not repress your feelings for the sake of your mother's desires. Be your own person, and you'll be happier, and more fulfilled.