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Abhorrence
September 7th, 2017, 07:12 AM
I never thought I'd be back here to make a post about how life is going, especially not in this sub-forum. Somehow, I've managed to turn my life around. I'm not doing anything spectacular, don't get me wrong. I decided to leave education behind and go into full time work in October last year. Well, I made the decision to leave education behind and do nothing for a few months and in those few months I was probably at my darkest. But, anyway, I got promoted at work today. I only work at a bar, so I'm not doing anything that anybody else hasn't done before but when I believed that my future never even existed last year, I think it's a great achievement.

I'm pretty sure hardly anybody will even remember me and even less will even care about my post, but I just want to write something down. I used to frequent these forums a lot - I was a moderator for nearly a year and during that time I was incredibly mentally fucked (I'm still struggling, in some aspects, but doing a lot better). I stopped writing on here probably well over a year ago, not really letting anybody know of anything that was going on so I'll start with that story.

In December 2015, I stopped self-harming after around three years of doing so. I thought that would be the end to one of the greatest struggles of my life, but it turns out that self-harm was nothing compared to what I was going to face in 2016. Things just got really shitty. I left education for my boyfriend at the time who ended up being (to put it simply) a bad person. So, whilst I was not at school or anything I ended up getting pretty heavily involved in drugs. I would be dealing weed to get by, which doesn't sound particularly deep - I mean it isn't... but the culture that came with it was bad. It wasn't long before I started taking more shit. By the Summer of last year I would be spending my time in a trap house, addicted to morphine and alcohol and going to work part-time at a retail store. I threw up at work more times that I went. I was literally killing myself more than self-harm ever did to me. There were days when I'd wake up and get up, to go to a job whilst still drunk or high or both. I was just a waste of space. I was having sex with this guy who basically provided me all the drugs.

In late August I cut things off with that particular guy and early September I met a guy who would later become my boyfriend. Things started to slowly improve, I decided that college wasn't for me and that was fine - but I couldn't find a job. I was stuck, pretending for months that I was going to college when I wasn't - my mum still doesn't know I quit three months before I got my job. It's weird, I remember feeling so fucking useless in the last quarter of 2016. Worse than when I was addicted to the shit. I felt like my life was going nowhere and I felt like I should just kill myself - more than I ever did before. At least before I had school to give me a purpose, but at this point I was 18 (a legal adult) and fucking useless.

The worst day was halloween last year. I took acid for the first time. It fucked me up. It terrified me. I tried killing my friend, I lost all my shit and then got arrested. They let me go without charge, it wasn't really an arrest they just could see I was completely fucked up and wanted me to be safe. After that I knew I needed to sort things out. It took me another month but with my boyfriend's help I got a job. Literally, it is nothing special I just work for a pub chain in the UK.

But this job, it gained me so much confidence, so many friends. I went from being anxious and shy and pathetic to actually living my life, having my own money, buying my own things. It's so weird how you can find hope in the strangest of places. My life completely changed, I still stuck with the people from last year but we've all grown the fuck up. We're moving out, going on holiday and living our life without all the fucking shit.

Anyways, my reason for making this post. A year ago today I would've been stuck in a hole, doing whatever substance to make me feel somewhat alive... and today I got a promotion. I've been deemed good enough to move up higher in the chain. Me. The person who last year was addicted to morphine and doing nothing but smoking weed and drinking all day. It's fucking weird.

I don't know why anyone would wanna read any of this, but if you keep trying things eventually go your way. You have to work. You have to be positive. You have to actually try. I have realised now that so many of my problems stemmed from the fact that I couldn't be bothered to do anything about them. I moaned and complained and cut and waited for things to get better. But I never actually did anything to fix them. I took all the bullshit, I didn't cut people out, I let people treat me however they wanted. You have to take control of your life. Sometimes it's fucking hard and you have to go through hell to get there... but it's worth it. The hell is worth the happiness - because happiness feels fucking amazing.

Plane And Simple
September 7th, 2017, 09:13 AM
I've read this from start to end with a big smile on my face. I'm SO happy you're doing better, and I'm glad things are looking better for you. Keep it up, I want updates in some time with even better news :D

rioo
September 7th, 2017, 09:58 AM
You have to work. You have to be positive. You have to actually try. I have realised now that so many of my problems stemmed from the fact that I couldn't be bothered to do anything about them. .

I love this sentence. This is also my problem in my past.
and this is good news from you.

Dalcourt
September 7th, 2017, 10:16 AM
I do remember you and I read through all of your post.
I am really happy for you.
I always try to stay positive and work hard on myself...some people always tell me it's use but you gave prove it is worth it.

So yeah once again I'm happy to hear you are doing good.

Vermilion
September 7th, 2017, 11:00 AM
I never thought I'd be back here to make a post about how life is going, especially not in this sub-forum. Somehow, I've managed to turn my life around. I'm not doing anything spectacular, don't get me wrong. I decided to leave education behind and go into full time work in October last year. Well, I made the decision to leave education behind and do nothing for a few months and in those few months I was probably at my darkest. But, anyway, I got promoted at work today. I only work at a bar, so I'm not doing anything that anybody else hasn't done before but when I believed that my future never even existed last year, I think it's a great achievement.

I'm pretty sure hardly anybody will even remember me and even less will even care about my post, but I just want to write something down. I used to frequent these forums a lot - I was a moderator for nearly a year and during that time I was incredibly mentally fucked (I'm still struggling, in some aspects, but doing a lot better). I stopped writing on here probably well over a year ago, not really letting anybody know of anything that was going on so I'll start with that story.

In December 2015, I stopped self-harming after around three years of doing so. I thought that would be the end to one of the greatest struggles of my life, but it turns out that self-harm was nothing compared to what I was going to face in 2016. Things just got really shitty. I left education for my boyfriend at the time who ended up being (to put it simply) a bad person. So, whilst I was not at school or anything I ended up getting pretty heavily involved in drugs. I would be dealing weed to get by, which doesn't sound particularly deep - I mean it isn't... but the culture that came with it was bad. It wasn't long before I started taking more shit. By the Summer of last year I would be spending my time in a trap house, addicted to morphine and alcohol and going to work part-time at a retail store. I threw up at work more times that I went. I was literally killing myself more than self-harm ever did to me. There were days when I'd wake up and get up, to go to a job whilst still drunk or high or both. I was just a waste of space. I was having sex with this guy who basically provided me all the drugs.

In late August I cut things off with that particular guy and early September I met a guy who would later become my boyfriend. Things started to slowly improve, I decided that college wasn't for me and that was fine - but I couldn't find a job. I was stuck, pretending for months that I was going to college when I wasn't - my mum still doesn't know I quit three months before I got my job. It's weird, I remember feeling so fucking useless in the last quarter of 2016. Worse than when I was addicted to the shit. I felt like my life was going nowhere and I felt like I should just kill myself - more than I ever did before. At least before I had school to give me a purpose, but at this point I was 18 (a legal adult) and fucking useless.

The worst day was halloween last year. I took acid for the first time. It fucked me up. It terrified me. I tried killing my friend, I lost all my shit and then got arrested. They let me go without charge, it wasn't really an arrest they just could see I was completely fucked up and wanted me to be safe. After that I knew I needed to sort things out. It took me another month but with my boyfriend's help I got a job. Literally, it is nothing special I just work for a pub chain in the UK.

But this job, it gained me so much confidence, so many friends. I went from being anxious and shy and pathetic to actually living my life, having my own money, buying my own things. It's so weird how you can find hope in the strangest of places. My life completely changed, I still stuck with the people from last year but we've all grown the fuck up. We're moving out, going on holiday and living our life without all the fucking shit.

Anyways, my reason for making this post. A year ago today I would've been stuck in a hole, doing whatever substance to make me feel somewhat alive... and today I got a promotion. I've been deemed good enough to move up higher in the chain. Me. The person who last year was addicted to morphine and doing nothing but smoking weed and drinking all day. It's fucking weird.

I don't know why anyone would wanna read any of this, but if you keep trying things eventually go your way. You have to work. You have to be positive. You have to actually try. I have realised now that so many of my problems stemmed from the fact that I couldn't be bothered to do anything about them. I moaned and complained and cut and waited for things to get better. But I never actually did anything to fix them. I took all the bullshit, I didn't cut people out, I let people treat me however they wanted. You have to take control of your life. Sometimes it's fucking hard and you have to go through hell to get there... but it's worth it. The hell is worth the happiness - because happiness feels fucking amazing.


Jack !! It's great to hear from you and I was concerned about you and I'm happy That you have improved so much it's truly great to hear from you.

SethfromMI
September 7th, 2017, 12:31 PM
Jack my friend do you know how much I have always admired you and cared about you? you were one of my first friends on here man. I care about you like crazy. I am so happy to hear things have improved for you man. I hope they keep getting better for you. your such a valuable person, never let anyone tell you, you don't matter because you do. I will write you a message. I am glad you gave us an update, I was worried about you my friend

Mars
September 7th, 2017, 12:40 PM
Im so glad to be hearing from you man ^^ I was worried when you left, but it's awesome to see that you're doing better. Keep up the positive vibes n remember there are people who care for you :)