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View Full Version : what the hell am I doing? (want advice/rant)


Bridlemaple1
September 4th, 2017, 12:18 PM
Sorry for the wall of text, but I'll summarise my problems at the bottom.

I'm also going to number people to just keep it easier.

First up, I was messed up for a few months after my first break up. My ex-friend of about a decade asked her out a couple of days after we broke up and it really messed with the way I view and take dating. I also lost it at a good friend who was also best friends with my ex. The break up was just a mess (I did my fair share to ruin it) and I found myself spending very little of the summer holidays sober as I went to many parties/gaths/camping trips and passed out in my car more times than I can count.

Immediately after the break up I talked with girl 1. I'd met girl 1 a few months before I met my ex. Girl 1 approached me after work and ended up hooking up with me on a nearby beach. But this time when I messaged her I was an idiot and she ended up telling me to leave her alone because she didn't want to be a rebound.

Summer holidays hit soon after and I met girl 2. One night I'm home alone when I get a message from an old co-worker saying that one of her friends thought I was cute and wanted to get with me. I thought it was a joke but it ended up being serious (I was very surprised). I told girl 2 flat out that I didn't want a relationship and that anything serious wasn't going to happen. We didn't end up kissing the first time we met but I was invited back over by the old co-worker a week later for drinks at her place with a few of her friends (girl 2 included) and we hooked up later that night.

Sometime between messaging girl 1 and meeting girl 2 I'd started talking to girl 3. Girl 3 went to my ex's school and had liked me before I dated her. She was also pretty close friends with her at one point but sorta hated her on and off. Admittedly I think that I was seeing her simply to spite my ex but that didn't stop me from drunkenly admitting I liked her on new years. She completely rejected me but I ended up getting a new years kiss from girl 2.

That was the last time I'd also kiss girl 2 as the next day I went for a walk with her and had a long conversation in which we talked about a bit. She said that she didn't have feelings and was fine being friends but I found out from her friends later on that she had some feelings. I'd end up arguing with those friends as they said I'd lead her on when I'd been clear from the start I didn't want anything serious and her friends had in fact been the main driving force in her seeing me.

By the end of the summer holidays I'd also end up talking to girl 4. Girl 4 was a friend of girl 3 who messaged me on facebook sometime after new years. (She was actually there when I got rejected by girl 3) and she was also friends with my ex . . .

Girl 4 turned out to be a narcissist and I loathed talking to her after the first time meeting her. Why I drove to see her another two is completely beyond me as it was spent with her talking about how she wanted me drive her to a location so she could hook up with random guys she talked about and me wasting a load of fuel and time. I eventually told her how I felt about seeing her and she blocked me on everything. There's more to it than that but girl 4 was someone I was glad to never see again.

Just after this Girl 1 also started messaging me again (this was pretty out of the blue), she would end up blocking me a couple of months later and I would never hear from her again (her blocking me was also completely out of the blue as we were on pretty good terms and talking a lot during those couple of months)

The same night this happened I went to a massive party on this farm. I ended up with a total of four hook ups that night. One was Girl 5, we were filmed kissing a couple of times but that was more of a drunken joke than a real hook up. This film would come back to haunt me.

One of the hook ups is completely irrelevent (I don't know even know their name).

Girl 6 and I made out a little on the dance floor before some kid who used to pick on me in primary school followed us back to our car and called me things such as "ugly" and "using her" he also suggested a couple of times we "fight for her". He also went through my car as we were trying to find a lighter and called me a "creep" for carrying a pocket knife in my glove box. It was actually my dad's (it was part of his old car crash emergency kit) and it was his old car. Nothing happened but once he finally left the girl told me she thought he was a dick and returned to the party.

Girl 7 was a first year uni student and her friend randomly pulled her in front of me as I was dancing. I spent the rest of the night with her and talked to her a little online the next day. She was probably the first girl since the break up that I felt genuinely interested in but it went nowhere. She was friendly in messages but didn't reply after a short conversation. She talked to me again online one night when I met some of her friends at another party she was meant to go to but apart from that I never talked to her again.

It seems pretty sad but for some reason I really dug the fact she was in uni (I am in my last year of highschool) so her being in uni made me think she was well out of my league and I was pretty lucky to have ever talked to her in the first place.

The weekend after. Girl 3 and her friend paid me to give them a lift to this massive house party about an hour away. We'd become friends again since the holidays but at the party I wingmanned Girl 3 and succeeded (she said she was going to do the same) but ended up being drunkily rude and leaving me to my own devices.

I ended up with Girl 8. She was pretty and from the city but a couple of years younger than me. The party got shut down and everyone left, I ended up sleeping the night in my car and girl 3 told me she remembered nothing then next morning.

Girl 8's friends started to tag her in my posts on facebook and I met her once more. She seemed interested but sorta weird and making a joke out of talking to me at the same time. I saw through it easily but rolled with it anyway. When I talked to her about it seriously she told me it was all a bit of a joke but we can still be friends. I didn't message her after that and I wasn't too concerned about it.

Anyway the video that had happened a week earlier was put in this group chat. At the same time this other girl I'd met at the party started to talk to me. This was girl 9, I never did anything with her but we talked on snapchat a lot (and flirted a little). Girl 9 stopped talking to me and would later go on to say to people that disliked me at the time and some mutual friends that I'd been attempting to get with her heaps and asked for innoppropaite pictures. (And sent them unrequested).

That was a complete lie as I'd never and still have never exchanged innappropaite photos over snapchat.

Honestly I don't know how she came to that conclusion or why she really did it. But I made sure I told her how I felt and my friends also knew about it.

Somewhere along this line I got invited to another small gath and spent the night with someone there but they're not really relevent (I never saw them again and stopped talking to them after a couple of weeks).

A few months pass and I pretty much spend it at school working and going to parties and gaths.

This was until my school's after party in which I got one of my mates in and ended up kissing him on the dance floor. It wasn't much but it was sorta embarrassing as my entire school later found out and I got a little bit of crap for it as he wasn't even invited to the party in the first place.

The video of me kissing that girl also got passed to my school and it went around. I talked to the girl through her friends a little but later found out it was all sort of a "joke" being passed around in this group chat. I still don't like that group of people for doing it but it all sorta worked out.

I also met this girl off of yellow: Girl 10. She ended up messaging me and calling one day really late at night (I was really drunk at the time) feeling really suicidal. I was concerned about her at the time but this would sorta become a regular thing with her (she had some issues). Honestly I only wanted to talk to her because I thought she was attractive but obviously after the incidents that happened I put that on hold to be there for her and provide some support. We met up and got lunch but that was about it, we talk a little but it's sorta the same old cycle of being messasged but never finding out what's actually upsetting her.

A little later on there was also this party, at this party was girl 9. There was also someone who didn't like girl 9. This was girl 11. She knew what had happened and had also been a part of the group chat that the video was shared in. Girl 11 and I ended up kissing and that really pissed off girl 9.

Girl 9 would later go onto to say to girl 11 online that it was disgusting that she had gotten with me and it would go around girl 11's school . . . including teachers who brought it up semi-regularly (it was mostly funny).

Girl 11 and would also make out at the next party. And would multiple times after that at parties and just hanging. I also took her to another school formal (long story short I go to two schools).

I had a conversation with her a few weeks ago and told her that I didn't want a relationship because of a few reasons. I was too busy (I work heaps and do very hard subjects at school, this week alone I have an 80hr week after school work and homework). I am also still heading out many weekends and I still want to explore my options. Our town also has a MASSIVE festival after final exams in which thousands of students accross the state come to get drunk, swim on our town's beaches and go to the festival and anyone can understand what thousands of teenagers and massive amounts of alcohol means.

But on the other hand I feel weird. Girl 11 is the first person since my break up that has given me time of day she is pretty awesome in a number of ways. She hangs out with me heaps and we've had multiple very deep conversations. She's been with me at pretty much every party since I first met her and she doesn't judge me for some of the stupid decisions I make/have made.

Note: I've omitted any illegal activity from this post because I don't really think it's relevent or appropriate for advice on this topic. But it's not that hard to fill in the dots.

I've sorta become unsure about what I want because my mind is pulling me in mulitple directions and I have lots of event influencing the in my personal opinion complex situation I've gotten into.

Here are some other things to note:

- The relationship breakdown happened indirectly because I had a mental breakdown and expressed intentions to commit suicide one night. We were broken up then but I had therapy throughout the summer holidays and into early this year.
- I don't have heaps of issues with school, I was an honour student last year but getting 'okay' grades this year.
- I also had incidents with other close friends expressing that they had deppression/suicidal thoughts.
- My former best friend was also sexually assualted and called me the night it happened. This event has influenced a lot of the way I think and appraoch the world and girls in general.

That long explanation aside here are my main points of concern:

- I still feel pissed off at my ex. But I also know I chose to end the relationship and harbour more anger for her than I feel like I should.
- I feel regrets for hooking up with some people. A lot of it to start with some simply an attempt to escape my feelings and to try and move on because I was afraid of being alone but felt compelled to live the 'single life' I had convinced myself I was better off with when I left my ex. (I actually said when she wanted a break I was going to see other people on this break because a paused relationship was as good as no relationship)
- My feelings and approach to women in general is pretty messed up. On one hand I feel like that all of this hooking up and partying has done me some good as I have become much more confident and able to talk to girls a lot better than I used to but I get attached when I don't want to get attached and then have this conflict in my head that causes me to both have feelings that shouldn't be there for people and have no feelings when people would normally have them.
- This has resulted in me faking some of the things I've said as I've had to pass off having no feelings or caring a bit when honestly I didn't care at all.
- I have had ample opportunities to loose my virginity but still remain one, some have been because I was too drunk, others have been because people have intervened (parents called, people tried to fight me, followed me around telling people I'm some creep, etc).
- I've also got this self-imposed rule that I will not manipulate someone in anyway in order to sleep with them. Although I've never manipulated any of the girls I've met I actually have a fear of letting people on and have always felt bad when I do so (even if it's not my fault) and I'm not sure whether this mindset is healthy or normal.
- In general and I'm not sure whether my mindset or my experiences are normal and whether I am doing something right or not.


That's about it, so what do you guys think?

What the heck should I make of this entire situation/experience?

jamie_n5
September 4th, 2017, 03:04 PM
Well you need to let go of the first girl and that relationship. Your first love is the hardest to let go of. It is normal for people to have 3-5 somewhat close relationships before they find that right one. So don't be so overly concerned. You are young and single and it's great and normal to go out and have fun and be with lots of girls. You might want to tone down your use of alcohol and other substances. It sounds like they adversely affect your personality. So just get over the bad and look for the good in people and life and enjoy. You will find that right girl someday.

NerdSquared
September 4th, 2017, 03:32 PM
BTW that was the longest post I have ever read I think. lol

You insult me, Jamie, I'm sure I've done better than that at some point! :D



But I agree with Jamie's post, it's perfectly normal after a breakup to be going through what you are going through. But I also have to agree, lessen your use of drugs and alcohol and stuff, some people just have really negative effects from it, and it seems like you might be one of those people.

jamie_n5
September 4th, 2017, 03:40 PM
I am truly sorry if I have insulted you or anyone. I meant that as some light humor for a sad guy. I will remove it.

NerdSquared
September 5th, 2017, 06:20 PM
I am truly sorry if I have insulted you or anyone. I meant that as some light humor for a sad guy. I will remove it.

I was just joking, hence the smiley at the end? I was also trying to insert some light humor. It's just a joke man. I was just poking fun at myself, and my tendency to write long rants.