View Full Version : Crushes while in a relationship: cheating or no?

August 25th, 2017, 04:24 PM
Okay so this isn't asking for advice as such but more of asking for some of you guys' opinions :)

Right so I'm in a relationship, I'd call it a serious one, for 8 months now. I'm really happy and in love and I can't see a breakup happening in the near future.

That being said, at work today one of my coworkers caught my eye. Just in the sense that she was quite pretty and I felt that we got on really well and the hours passed quickly. We had an awkward moment at work and ended up falling on the floor together basically in a human knot. It was really awkward but I could tell that I was blushing.

Just to clarify - it's a small crush that I know will pass since I'm very much committed to my girlfriend and no one could get in the way of that. I have no intention of pursuing my colleague and I would never talk to her outside of work, just like all my other coworkers. Me and my girlfriend have both agreed that this is completely normal to find other people attractive and although we do sometimes get a little jealous we just let it go and it's just a way of life.

Now for your opinion guys: if you found out that your SO had a crush, similar to my story, would you consider it cheating? When does an innocent small crush cross the line into cheating territory?

August 25th, 2017, 04:27 PM
A small crush is Ok as long
as u don't act on it.

August 25th, 2017, 04:34 PM
Usually people can't control their feelings. They do have complete control over their actions, however, and if it's really just a small crush, they wouldn't be stupid enough to wreck a long-term relationship for something so insignificant. Now, if it's obvious that they are hopelessly infatuated with another person, then I guess I'd realize where the relationship stands. Hint: it's over.

August 25th, 2017, 04:45 PM
My 1000th and final post hah.

To me personally if I start 'checking out' other people then it is a red flag I'm not fully happy or in love within my current relationship. Simple as that. I just don't look at others in that way? My mind goes single-focused and I become 'insert name' sexual - I'm asexual escept for them.

But clearly not everyone is like that, see above and other replies I'm sure you'll get. Maybe treat it as a healthy time to honestly check your feelings. For 'cheating' I would, again personally, feel fantasizing is cheating but only because of what I explained. If your girlfriend does the same as you and both of you are happy, all good right? Just know she is doing the same probably hah. However you feel about that...

My rambling point is that everyone defines cheating differently. That's a conversation you need to have with your partner. To her a physical interaction might be her limit, or it could be flirting messages/convos, etc. Just remember those limits may be different, yours may be more lenient for her than hers for you, and vice versa. It's all about talking!

~ Clara

August 25th, 2017, 07:22 PM
I've had "crushes" when I was with my ex. (It didn't turn out well anyway, ah well :P )

But like above posters have said, there's a difference between a small crush because someone is cool or pretty, and an actual, legitimate attachment with feelings and all. But as long as you don't act on it and stay with the one you love, you should be okay :)
Like Clara said, everyone defines cheating differently. Some think flirting with another one is cheating, while others think you have to actually act like kiss or have sex with someone for it to be cheating. I personally wouldn't call a small crush or something like that cheating. It's like having a celebrity crush or mentioning someone is attractive in the metro. You're not going to pursue them romantically or sexually, but they catch your eye. You can't help what you feel.

Just JT
August 25th, 2017, 11:45 PM
People are attracted to other people for many reasons. Some are attracted to appearance, some cause of who they are and personality.

The girl your with you obviously are attracted to her for whatever reason. And that's a good thing.

Doesn't mean you can't find some other attitude in another person you find attractive. If you do., that's simply what you find attractive in someone physically

Doesn't mean you'll do anything with that person in any way.
So no, that's not cheating. Your just finding someone attractive
Hope it stays that way lol!!

August 26th, 2017, 06:27 PM
I have a girlfriend right now, I have small crushes on other women but I'm not planning on making any advancements on them, I think it's just my brain looking at luther people in the way I do my gf. I'm not lustfull so it's mostly face and personality but I don't think so as long as you don't do anything with the person you have a crush on.

August 28th, 2017, 03:18 AM
I would be pretty jealous, but at the same time I'm more possessive than I'd like sometimes and my GF knows it and helps me with it. Honestly, I don't think it's cheating, especially if there's no serious intent behind it. Your body is build to experience multiple partners, just via evolution even though more recently humans are more frequently monogamous. It'll pass since it's probably just physical arousal and enjoyment of another person's company, while you also have someone who you are much more closely linked to.

August 28th, 2017, 05:14 AM
Having a crush is perfectly harmless and we can't control who we fancy so there is no point trying, acting on it however is another thing!

If you found out that your SO had a crush, similar to my story, would you consider it cheating? When does an innocent small crush cross the line into cheating territory? This depends on context, if she just told a friend about the crush and then the friend tells me then of courseeee I wouldn't call it cheating however if she told me herself to try and make me jealous well it wouldn't be cheating but I'd dump her regardless xD

In my opinion an innocent small crush becomes cheating when you act on it by either flirty texts or stuff like kissing. Although it is a blurred line, especially with judging flirty texts!

Honeslty my advice is just not to tell anyone about you crush :)

August 28th, 2017, 03:42 PM
I think it all depends on what your regular partner means to you. Context is important.

August 29th, 2017, 09:21 AM
If you found out that your SO had a crush, similar to my story, would you consider it cheating? When does an innocent small crush cross the line into cheating territory?
I wouldn't consider this cheating if they had a small crush as long as they weren't pursuing the crush in any way (including flirting). I would feel upset & lose a lot of trust if I found this out through someone that wasn't my potential significant other.

August 29th, 2017, 10:05 AM
It really depends on the context. A small crush ok, everybody has those. We are human after all. But it is when you act on the crush or it affects your current relationship is were it crosses into cheating.

August 29th, 2017, 12:27 PM
I don't really see a crush as cheating as you can't really help it. Only time I would be worried other than of course if you acted on it is if it didn't go away and got worse. Like if you kept thinking of how much you like her and stuff, that throws up some stuff!

August 30th, 2017, 10:29 PM
If you ask me an affair is a sexual act. I mean, you can't control your feelings so you shouldn't feel guilty for them. If you attempted to spend time or get closer for a sexual reasons i would consider it an emotional affair. Unless there is a sexual act between the two of you it is not what is usually referred to as an affair.