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View Full Version : They've known this whole time.


gherkin2pickle
August 20th, 2017, 08:28 PM
I was adopted when I was 2 months old. So, naturally, the family that adopted me has never made me feel like I didn't belong. They're all I've ever known, and I love them. Over the 16 years of my life, though, I've always been curious about my biological parents. All my adoptive parents have ever told me is that my real mom had a bunch of mental disorders and didn't know who my father was. Yeah, I know, it sounds like a Jerry Springer episode. I know she's short and had a bob haircut, at least at the time. I know they only saw her once, when she handed me over. And I know that the navy blue pillow with the doves on it that I've had since I can remember was a gift from her. She sent it to me, hand stitched it herself. I've asked my adoptive parents about her my whole life. I asked what her name was. But they always said they didn't know, the agency kept it private for her sake.

But it's a lie.

My adoptive father just told me that yes, they know her name. They've always known her name. I bought into their story that they didn't because I thought, "They have no reason to lie to me." But they did. And they STILL won't tell me what her name is. I want to know. I just want to know my own mother's name. Is that too much to ask? I'm 16. It's not like I'm going to run away in search of her. I don't even know if I want to meet her, the way she gave me up. But still. I just want to know her name.

Sorry, I just needed to vent. I want to ask them again, I want to know her name more than anything. Any ideas on how I can approach them? I get that it's a sensitive topic and they're just trying to protect me, but there's nothing to protect me from. Not anymore. I need to figure this out.

SingerInTraining
August 20th, 2017, 10:16 PM
If they adopted you and raised you then you know they love you and are looking out for you. Maybe there's some things they know that would hurt you if you knew. I know it must be a hard situation but I wouldn't be mad at them about it.

nebula
August 21st, 2017, 07:02 AM
You may be fully curious as to who she is but they are definitely doing it for a reason. They wouldn't hide her identity just for the sake of tormenting you. Also be careful that you don't offend or upset them because they may feel inferior to her even though they have raised you for basically all of your life.

ska8er
August 21st, 2017, 07:17 AM
The agency that handled ur adoption probably
had in the contract that info must b private for
ur sake and ur biological mother. U cant hold it
against ur adoptive parents. It was for both ur
own good. I think that once u get to legal age
and u want answers then u can question every
thing that is on ur mind starting with the agency
but for now ur parents mean well. Don't hurt them
like they don't want u to b hurt.

mick01
August 21st, 2017, 12:33 PM
I have a cousin adopted from China where you really don't get the parent's names. But my aunt and uncle took her to China to see if she could find her birth mother. She never did but her parents were willing to help her. So unless they legally can't tell you anything about your birth mother, I think they should help you meet her.

Just JT
August 21st, 2017, 01:12 PM
I agree with others here. I'm adopted as well, but as an older child. There's still lots of questions I have about certain things and people. And the family members who have that knowledge are still alive, and I know where to find them

I've thought about reaching out and ask my questions. But I also know I may not like the answers I get.

I'm happy right now, and people I think hold back into for my own good.

So I learned to just accept that sometimes regardless of how old I am, they know Some shit they know isn't in my best interest to know. And let it go.

jamie_n5
August 22nd, 2017, 05:31 PM
Well you should feel very fortunate first of all. You know you are loved and wanted. Your parents maybe want you to wait until you are 18 maybe to find all this out. I don't look at what they did as a lie it was just a way to try wait until you are older to do this. You have every right in the world to know who your biological parents are and you can practice this when you are 18. Just be patient and know how much you are loved and wanted.

NewLeafsFan
August 29th, 2017, 11:19 PM
It's okay that you needed to vent. Just understand that this is extremely common. Adoptive parents can feel threatened by the idea that you have some long lost family out there. They may also know that meeting her could cause you to get hurt if she suffers from mental illnesses that make her dangerous or at least not receptive to meeting or seeing you on a regular basis. In a few years your parents might be more open to sharing more info with you.

Seraph
September 3rd, 2017, 02:23 PM
I believe they are not telling you about your biological mother because they believe you are not ready to learn the truth, perhaps they are trying to stop you because it might have some psychological effect on you. She could be mentally sick or have committed a terrible crime which they are trying to not let you know because they love you and do not want that you get affected by her doings. If I ever adopted a child whose parents have done something terrible in the past, I would likely keep him/her in the dark to prevent any trauma or psychological effect.