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View Full Version : Insecure, low self esteem, and comparing myself to others.


Cartman357
August 18th, 2017, 10:35 PM
I do not have much confidence at all. I wish I did but I have such a hard time trying to like myself. I wish I had a girlfriend because it'd be nice to be in a relationship with someone and would maybe make me feel a little more confident, but I am so awkward around girls (and people in general). Honestly, I don't think I can get an attractive girlfriend if I don't have muscles or abs. That's what a lot girls my age (i'm 16) seem to be into. I do have girls that are my friends (heck my best friend is even a girl) and they all say i'm a nice guy with a great personality but I don't think that's enough. I wish I did have abs and a nice body but it's so hard for me to stay motivated to work out. I like working out at home because I don't want to go to the gym because i don't want other people to look at me and judge me. I also feel very insecure and just bad about myself when I see other guys my age working out at the gym and have 6 packs and huge muscles. I feel like such a loser. They must be really good with girls :( If only if I could stop comparing myself to others...

Sorry for the long thread, I just wanted to get things off my mind before I went to sleep. I'll be surprised if i wake up and see people actually took time to read this lol.

Dalcourt
August 18th, 2017, 11:56 PM
Well comparing to others never is a good idea, so I have given up on that long ago.
You are who you are and not one of your friends or anyone.

And if you don't like some things about yourself. It's only you who can change it.
So starting to work out at home is a good idea. Or maybe taking up some kind of sport.This could also help you to interact with others.
I know staying motivated esp. when you do your workout alone is sometimes hard. But you want something right? And you could only gain your abs with hard work...so if it's really important that should be enough motivation. I mean those guys with abs and muscles they all work their ass of to look the way they do. None of them gets his looks from sitting around comparing himself to others.

So just work on your goal.
And you should go out and talk to people more in general. I know it's not always easy...but social skills can only be learned through socialising.

I want to close with something I didn't like about your post. I mean you talked about not looking as great as the other guys and having a low self esteem. At the same time you said you want an attractive girlfriend. Sure nobody says I want an ugly girlfriend/ boyfriend...but it's like setting standards you feel you don't meet yourself in others.
What about I want a girlfriend. A person who shares my interests and I can have fun with no matter really what she looks like?

We all tend to give looks way too much importance and that's what makes us unhappy.
So if you make it right, a nice guy with a great personality is all you need to be if you are open to personality instead of attractiveness in a girl, too.

jamie_n5
August 19th, 2017, 04:10 PM
Well for me being gay I like just normal looking guys the best. Toned bodies are all right but I think body builder type guys are gross. You need to somehow come to love yourself and what you have. A person with a great personality and is outgoing and easy to talk to is far more an attractive person in my opinion. So please be happy and okay with who and what you are.