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View Full Version : How do I cope with loneliness being single?


JayJay17
August 18th, 2017, 09:17 AM
Having finished my GCSE exams, I don't really have anything to do with my free time during these holidays. Sure there's certain activities such as paintballing and whatnot which I have planned but that's only a day fun.

Anyway the main problem I'm sort of addressing here is loneliness. I've been single for over 3 years and have had a few dates with women here and there, but regardless of how many times I've been extensively complimented for looks and talent, I haven't been in a relationship for over 3 years.

I guess I coped for a while somehow, but now it's bothering me more than ever after having been really close friends with a girl, where we both knew we liked each other, cuddled a lot, eventually started kissing but she caught feelings for someone else and her excuse for hurting me was that I wasn't really 'chavvy' enough for her. Now I've gotten over her and I'm happy for her and the relationship she's in, but I really miss being open to someone, exchanging thoughts, kissing, cuddling and just loving someone.

It's really made me think about my past and sure I'm overly polite, was really shy for a while but quite capable of maintaining eye contact now and communicating like the more extraverted people. Maybe I'm kind all the time, but I know and I do joke around a fair bit and can be a little mean once I have an understanding of what the other person may find too insulting or annoying. Other than that I can be a vrry ambitious adrenaline junkey and love the outdoors, maybe not so much for sport but for sdventure. I suppose these are traits certain people look for, but I'm having no luck. I don't know, I feel like most people at my high school just spent their lives watching Netflix outside of school or wondering the streets with nothing to do. I also noticed hardly anyone liked to be different, the majority of people seemed to have the same boring personality and tastes. I don't know. To be fair, I don't know why I'm writing this anymore.

Back to the point...

I just feel overly lonely without someone. Hopefully I'll find someone who I click with in college but up until then, and God knows if beyond that. I could use a little help... Can people share their advice on coping with this kind of loneliness as being single?


Thanks,
JayJay

ska8er
August 18th, 2017, 12:15 PM
U have to get out and make some friends.
Surprisingly I met a girl last month paintballing.
She had a b/f so I couldn't make a move. Seek out
someone who shares the same likes like u do and
start up a conversation. Stick it out before u get to
school and then I'm sure there r a lot of new people
u will meet and make friends. Join some kind of a club
or study group. I hear there is a lot of action if ur college
has a student union. U first got to b a friend before u make
friends.

JayJay17
August 18th, 2017, 12:38 PM
U have to get out and make some friends.
Surprisingly I met a girl last month paintballing.
She had a b/f so I couldn't make a move. Seek out
someone who shares the same likes like u do and
start up a conversation. Stick it out before u get to
school and then I'm sure there r a lot of new people
u will meet and make friends. Join some kind of a club
or study group. I hear there is a lot of action if ur college
has a student union. U first got to b a friend before u make
friends.

Yeah I've considered joining clubs but nothing seems to be of my interest around here, however when I start college I'm definitely getting involved with everything considering the huge probability of meeting someone very successful in my career. So that's always promising to hear, and your post is definitely inspiring to just get it out there if I see someone, especially considering that I won't really see them again if it's a no and therefore I won't have to be ashamed of myself or anything.

Thank you!

ska8er
August 18th, 2017, 12:49 PM
Yeah I've considered joining clubs but nothing seems to be of my interest around here, however when I start college I'm definitely getting involved with everything considering the huge probability of meeting someone very successful in my career. So that's always promising to hear, and your post is definitely inspiring to just get it out there if I see someone, especially considering that I won't really see them again if it's a no and therefore I won't have to be ashamed of myself or anything.

Thank you!

U said it all here. I'm sure there r other
people out there that experience being
lonely. U have to make the connection.
Surely there is some kind of group u can
join that u would have interest in. There
is no reason for u to b ashamed. :)

JayJay17
August 18th, 2017, 03:18 PM
U said it all here. I'm sure there r other
people out there that experience being
lonely. U have to make the connection.
Surely there is some kind of group u can
join that u would have interest in. There
is no reason for u to b ashamed. :)

I wish it was that easy but, there is genuinely no clubs that I could really fit in or would value being a part of. These are what I've looked into out of my interest.
Art clubs will bore me to death, regardless of how talented I am at art, I can't focus without zoning out to my own music.
Powerlifting.... I'd rather not scare my parents, they've already warned me about picking heavy things up. What's funny is, I'm still told to pick heavy things up at home.
Music... I can play the electric guitar, but all I can ever find is jam sessions at 9pm, which is the time I'm not trusted outside the house by my parents.

Unless there's some sport - adventure related club anyone knows about in the UK, I genuinely can't find a club that I relate to. I'm really not thinking it the best solution. I have a lot of female friends, a couple I really like which happen to be very ambitious and busy people yet very funny, bubbly and have great taste... they're just busy, or taken. I've thought of online dating but I doubt I'll find people like that online.

If it helps I think this thread called "Just lonely now..." most closely relates to me. Sorry I can't post links just yet.

ska8er
August 18th, 2017, 04:35 PM
I wish it was that easy but, there is genuinely no clubs that I could really fit in or would value being a part of. These are what I've looked into out of my interest.
Art clubs will bore me to death, regardless of how talented I am at art, I can't focus without zoning out to my own music.
Powerlifting.... I'd rather not scare my parents, they've already warned me about picking heavy things up. What's funny is, I'm still told to pick heavy things up at home.
Music... I can play the electric guitar, but all I can ever find is jam sessions at 9pm, which is the time I'm not trusted outside the house by my parents.

Unless there's some sport - adventure related club anyone knows about in the UK, I genuinely can't find a club that I relate to. I'm really not thinking it the best solution. I have a lot of female friends, a couple I really like which happen to be very ambitious and busy people yet very funny, bubbly and have great taste... they're just busy, or taken. I've thought of online dating but I doubt I'll find people like that online.

If it helps I think this thread called "Just lonely now..." most closely relates to me. Sorry I can't post links just yet.


As long as u r home u r not going to b independent
to come and go as u please or do things that r going
to b questioned. If u plan to live home while u r going
to college u r still going to have ur parents to monitor u.
When u get away from home ur on ur own. I'm getting off
topic here but I'm sure there is something u can find in a
group where u r going to meet new people. U have to give
in a little if u expect to make friends. As for online dating
I don't consider it something that I would do only because for
the most part ur only relating in print rather than in person. I
don't think most of the time on line relationships don't work.
Just hang in there for now. :)

JayJay17
August 18th, 2017, 05:01 PM
As long as u r home u r not going to b independent
to come and go as u please or do things that r going
to b questioned. If u plan to live home while u r going
to college u r still going to have ur parents to monitor u.
When u get away from home ur on ur own. I'm getting off
topic here but I'm sure there is something u can find in a
group where u r going to meet new people. U have to give
in a little if u expect to make friends. As for online dating
I don't consider it something that I would do only because for
the most part ur only relating in print rather than in person. I
don't think most of the time on line relationships don't work.
Just hang in there for now. :)

I would love to move out to be inedependant, especially after experiencing what it is like to live in flats with flat mates (During NCS National Citizen Service) I really miss those 2 weeks I had away from my parents and making friends, but nothing lasts for ever. I also agree with that too regarding online relationships. It`s really not the same as talking in person. I guess all I can currently do is just focus on looking forward to and preparing for college and the free periods I will be able to spend with new friends, thats if I find something to do in the meantime, It seems like a better mindset anyway.

Thank you.

jamie_n5
August 19th, 2017, 02:10 PM
Well you first have to quit feeling sorry for yourself. Go out and see people. Go to places where others hang out. Join in groups in the community, school and at church. If you just shut yourself in at home your never going to get there. Sure you have to abide by rules and things at home. That is a part of growing up. When your on your own at college or at a job and are living on your own then you can do and learn new things and discover the world more. Don't be so overly concerned about dating and not having a relationship right now. You are young so enjoy time with your mates from school now too. That will keep you occupied.

Fopik
September 13th, 2017, 05:41 AM
Hello! I know how it feels, I am a lonely person too, I have to say.