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Ineedyou
August 18th, 2017, 03:50 AM
When I was a kid, around middle school, I got teased and called gay because of the way I acted. I was terrified of being gay as I went to a catholic school. I learned what the "gay things" i did were and I changed them. I started acting like everyone else and soon the name calling stopped. I thought I was happy, but years later I realized that I don't even know who I am anymore. I've put on a mask in front of everyone I know for so long, that I just feel numb to everything. A couple of days ago one of my really good friends made me realize something, I don't like physical contact, I don't like saying love, I don't talk about myself in conversations, etc. All this that my friend told me made me realize how much I've closed myself off from people. When anyone gets close to me I push them away, I ignore texts and calls, tell them I can't hang out when I can. I feel like I'm two different people split between what I show people and who I actually am. I feel so broken.

jamie_n5
August 19th, 2017, 04:27 PM
I feel bad for you. Is it that you feel that you are truly gay and that you just closed yourself off from that all these years? Or was it the teasing when you were young that made you doubt yourself and who you were as a person? Family, friends and religious beliefs can really be hard on you if they are dead set against some people because of them being something different than they like or understand. If you haven't yet accepted and know your sexuality then that is something you need to do. I really don't know anything else to say because you really don't get down to the true reason of being withdrawn feeling. It is possible that you need professional help to help you deal with your feelings and problems. I hope that you can find a way out of your unhappy and withdrawn feelings.