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Seraph
August 11th, 2017, 01:10 PM
Just to give a background: the girl I love is my oldest friend and we're most compatible with each other.

Our parents are friends and neighbors and so we were introduced to each other when we were infants, over time we became very good friends often playing and fighting each other over small things -- you know... the way friends do. We treated each other like siblings and shared everything with each other throughout our lives.

Over the years, we grew a bit distant from each other and slowly I developed feelings for her. Though I still think of her as my sister, I want to spend the rest of my years with her and have children. We're still best friends but I don't refer to her as 'girlfriend' in public but rather as my best friend.

She has acknowledged my affection for her and she says that she feels the same for me. I love her both as a lover and as a brother, but we're not officially in a relationship. I love her deeply but I want to treat her as a brother still so that later in life we can comply each other, plus she knows me the best (after my parents).

Should I start referring to her as my girlfriend or should I keep her addressed as my best friend? She says she doesn't care what others think of us.

Babs
August 11th, 2017, 01:23 PM
why not just make things official? she might find it weird if you just start calling her your girlfriend. it's better to ask her than to ask us.

mick01
August 11th, 2017, 01:38 PM
why not just make things official? she might find it weird if you just start calling her your girlfriend. it's better to ask her than to ask us.

I have to agree with Babs. That's a decision the two of you have to make.

ska8er
August 11th, 2017, 02:32 PM
Since the two of u have grown distant
I'm sure she has different feelings for
u considering what u have on ur mind
having a family with her. I would treat
her as a best friend rather than a g/f.

Zachary G
August 11th, 2017, 02:35 PM
why not just make things official? she might find it weird if you just start calling her your girlfriend. it's better to ask her than to ask us.

I agree. A good idea to make things official between the two of you first before jumping out there and calling her your girlfriend. Also, shes got the right attitude about not caring what anyone thinks about your relationship because its only what you two feel that matters and makes any difference. Time for you to have "the talk" with her and go from there.

Seraph
August 12th, 2017, 02:19 PM
I asked her and she said that she doesn't have any problem with that. However, I guess I treat her more like my best friend than a girlfriend -- talking like friends, playing games and pranks, etc. And to add: I don't want to take her responsibility on myself and want to let her be as independent as I am.

Just JT
August 12th, 2017, 08:37 PM
I asked her and she said that she doesn't have any problem with that. However, I guess I treat her more like my best friend than a girlfriend -- talking like friends, playing games and pranks, etc. And to add: I don't want to take her responsibility on myself and want to let her be as independent as I am.

Then I'd say communicication is key here. If you treat her some way she don't like, then hone in on how you treat her. Treat her as both a lover and a brother. After all, you should be best friends first. But there's another side tomthat equation also.

But just do what thentwo of you feel,is good for you. You don't need to go out and announce shit to anyone. If they see you doing something and theay wana know they'll ask. Then tell them. It's your life and it's a private deal between th two of you.

Just be happy together

jamie_n5
August 13th, 2017, 02:28 PM
Have you told her that you love her as a girlfriend and hope to someday be married and have a family together? There are plenty of relationships like yours that start as life long best friends that turn into marriage and families. I think it's time for you to sit down together and talk about your relationship and where you want it to go from here out.

My boyfriend and I have been best friends since we were 3 and lovers in a relationship since we were 14 so I know it can work for you too.

NewLeafsFan
August 14th, 2017, 01:45 AM
By referring to her as your close friend when more than that is going on is hiding something. Not that it's anybody's business but it sounds to me like you're ashamed of your situation and you shouldn't be.

Seraph
August 15th, 2017, 01:02 PM
Have you told her that you love her as a girlfriend and hope to someday be married and have a family together?

Countless times, she often mentions how she's looking forward to our later life, marriage, kids, and so on. She says that she loves me and would choose no one but me if she has to marry since I'm her best friend and we know each other completely.

I truly love her, and I feel that calling her my 'girlfriend' would be an act of claiming her as 'my own', but however, I want others to know that I'm with her because of my love to her and not sexual desire. I feel that marking her as my 'girlfriend' would make people quite believe that we're just together as in a casual teenage relationship (which is not).

jamie_n5
August 15th, 2017, 01:21 PM
You are very confusing of your descriptions. Why are you so afraid of calling her your girlfriend? If you both are committed to each other and plan on marrying and spending your life together I certainly would put a claim on her and be proud to call her my girlfriend.

Seraph
August 15th, 2017, 01:35 PM
It's not that, just that calling her my girlfriend in public would make others think that I am attracted to her just because she's attractive and the only thing I want is to have intercourse with her -- which is not the case and I love her because she's my friend.

Sere
August 16th, 2017, 01:01 AM
It's not that, just that calling her my girlfriend in public would make others think that I am attracted to her just because she's attractive and the only thing I want is to have intercourse with her -- which is not the case and I love her because she's my friend.
You got something special here. You don't need to call her anything to other people other than your friend unless you think they may understand the gravity and such. People's tiny nifpicks, judgements and so on about you two being a "average teen relationship" don't have to mean anything as long as both of both of you know how you feel about each other and what you are together

Uniquemind
August 17th, 2017, 02:41 AM
It's not that, just that calling her my girlfriend in public would make others think that I am attracted to her just because she's attractive and the only thing I want is to have intercourse with her -- which is not the case and I love her because she's my friend.

It's not within your control to make people understand why your with someone.

It's only your job to grow and help each person in the relationship involved know and build trust within each other.

However if there's an uncomfortable sense of doing sexual intimate things with your partner that can be a problem as well. It all has to be balanced.

Seraph
August 18th, 2017, 03:10 PM
However if there's an uncomfortable sense of doing sexual intimate things with your partner that can be a problem as well. It all has to be balanced.

I did not understand what you meant.

What I'm saying is that she does not care whether I call her my girlfriend or my best friend because it will all be the same to her. But my area of inquiry goes about how should we introduce each other to people, especially those who do not know us well. I have to really think before answering questions like 'Do you have a girlfriend?' or 'Is she your girlfriend?'

Uniquemind
August 20th, 2017, 05:34 AM
I did not understand what you meant.

What I'm saying is that she does not care whether I call her my girlfriend or my best friend because it will all be the same to her. But my area of inquiry goes about how should we introduce each other to people, especially those who do not know us well. I have to really think before answering questions like 'Do you have a girlfriend?' or 'Is she your girlfriend?'

I guess what I'm asking both of you, is are you guys platonically in love. Or is there a hint of mutual lust as well?

I bring this up because most relationships need a foundation of friendship and trust, but if sexual compatibility and desire is lackluster that's usually a issue for a relationship that is the foundation of drama or even a breakup for a long term relationship that has "officially" been labeled to the public social circles (friends family etc.).

Also relationships that start but then one partner suddenly meets someone new and gets a strong sense of lust or attraction to the new person, always does one of two things and sometimes both:

1. They compare what they've got versus the new person and how it feels.

2. They suppress their guilt or loyalty to their steady, and get absorbed in the moment and have an affair (cheat).

Seraph
August 20th, 2017, 08:46 AM
I guess what I'm asking both of you, is are you guys platonically in love. Or is there a hint of mutual lust as well?

I bring this up because most relationships need a foundation of friendship and trust, but if sexual compatibility and desire is lackluster that's usually a issue for a relationship that is the foundation of drama or even a breakup for a long term relationship that has "officially" been labeled to the public social circles (friends family etc.).

Also relationships that start but then one partner suddenly meets someone new and gets a strong sense of lust or attraction to the new person, always does one of two things and sometimes both:

1. They compare what they've got versus the new person and how it feels.

2. They suppress their guilt or loyalty to their steady, and get absorbed in the moment and have an affair (cheat).

There is mutual lust in our relationship, but that is one of the minor factors for the two of our being together. I feel sexually attracted to her (I think she does the same), but that is not the main thing which binds the two of us together.

Sailor Mars
August 20th, 2017, 11:46 AM
There is mutual lust in our relationship, but that is one of the minor factors for the two of our being together. I feel sexually attracted to her (I think she does the same), but that is not the main thing which binds the two of us together.

I don't see a problem with this? This is how it's supposed to be. You're attracted to each other for each other, not Just to fuck. Like JT said, you guys have something special going on, so just roll with it. If you want to call her your girlfriend, then that's up to you, not up to anyone else thinking some type of way about it. You know how you feel. You know the significance of your relationship. No one else does and it's none of their business too, so who cares what they assume. And even if you don't call her your girlfriend, that doesn't take away from the bond or relationship you two have. I'd personally suggest just talking to her about it. If she's okay with it, and you're okay with it, then go for it and call her your girlfriend. If you're not comfortable with it, then tell her that, but say you still have the same feelings as if she were, and what you call her doesn't affect how you feel. Communication and trust and mutual respect is the key for any relationship. Don't fuck up just because you feel some way and don't express it, and then she takes it another way.

Uniquemind
August 22nd, 2017, 01:32 AM
There is mutual lust in our relationship, but that is one of the minor factors for the two of our being together. I feel sexually attracted to her (I think she does the same), but that is not the main thing which binds the two of us together.

Then I don't think there is a problem.

Just communicate with each other and roll with it, just like the above person said.

Chaosphere
August 22nd, 2017, 03:56 AM
I asked her and she said that she doesn't have any problem with that. However, I guess I treat her more like my best friend than a girlfriend -- talking like friends, playing games and pranks, etc. And to add: I don't want to take her responsibility on myself and want to let her be as independent as I am.
You have to make sure you're ready for a relationship as well. You may think you are, and she sounds receptive, but make sure that you know that a relationship will entail more than just being independent friends, though it's an important part. If you want to treat her as a girlfriend, understand that while you both should remain independent, leaning on each other in times of need is important too. If you aren't prepared to work with a person through the times they need it in a romantic setting, you aren't ready for a relationship like that.