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Nnoki
August 10th, 2017, 02:31 AM
Hello guys, i'm kinda new on this forums and came here for a reason, advice.
Ok, at this point of my life (16 years) I finally realize that I'm bi, but since when did you know it, and how can you know for sure?
I always was told to like girls, and don't get me wrong but one of my dreams is to get a family, to see a little kid who i made and see him grow, i think it would be the most satisfying thing in my life and for my first 12 years I tought it was pretty clear, i was straight.
Then i entered middle school, and met him, my first "gay crush" and that's when everything went wrong, he was hot and still is (We still talk sometimes), but he never knew about it. For 3 years i had a crush in 5 different guys, each one of them had a little something i liked, but he, the first one was the strongest crush i had, then i went into high school (right now) and was pretty much done with the 5 guys and tought it was over, but then i met a guy (who's now my best friend :( ) and i kinda have a crush in him. This is complicated.
I'm closet (tought i was fully gay last 4 years but then i realizad), I still imagine my future as a parent, married with a woman and with kids but i'm still confused about what i'm feeling right now for these guys (I haven't had a crush on a girl in the last 4 years) and haven't told anybody about this. If anyone kept reading until here could you get me some advice?

mick01
August 10th, 2017, 08:49 AM
First, welcome to vt. And welcome to the club of thousands of gay/bi boys who have had crushes on straight guys. Ya, they suck.
My advice is don't try to force yourself into somebody that you're not. No matter who or what you are, you need to accept yourself. That might mean that you accept yourself as a gay man or even a bi guy. But you don't have to figure that out today. Follow your instincts and go with the experiences that make you truly the happiest. You're only 16 and still have a lot of things to experience before you'll actually figure yourself out. We all do it at different times.

JohnC
August 10th, 2017, 09:09 AM
Hey Nnoki, and welcome to VT also.
I am going thru a lot of the same stuff as you. I have been attracted to some guys I have met and kinda had a crush on one. And me and my best friend have experimented and done stuff together since we were 13. I have had a few girl friends. All I have ever done with a girl is make-out and petting. But like you, I still see my future with a wife and kids.
Like Mick01 said, you don't have to figure it all out now. Things may change and you might meet that guy or girl that you know you want to be with exclusively. I think putting a label on ourselves limits us. Just because you have crushes on guys now, doesn't mean you will in the future. You don't have to label yourself. You love who you love. Someday when you meet the person you want to share your life with, if they love you, it won't matter to them if you had crushes on boys or girls when you were younger.

Vegas2933
August 10th, 2017, 10:30 AM
Welcome to VT. Here you will find MANY boys like you, take me for example: I have sexual feelings towards boy, and romantic feelings towards girls. Pretty twisted, right? Sexuality is never easy, but I'm glad you have yours figured out. :)

zack.zack
August 10th, 2017, 10:48 AM
First, welcome to vt. And welcome to the club of thousands of gay/bi boys who have had crushes on straight guys. Ya, they suck.
My advice is don't try to force yourself into somebody that you're not. No matter who or what you are, you need to accept yourself. That might mean that you accept yourself as a gay man or even a bi guy. But you don't have to figure that out today. Follow your instincts and go with the experiences that make you truly the happiest. You're only 16 and still have a lot of things to experience before you'll actually figure yourself out. We all do it at different times.

Yeah, I agree with Mick, you first have to accept yourself. Once you do that, things will come clearer for you and youll be able to really figure things out. Theres no rush on putting a label on it, there is plenty of time for that. Right now, just kinda go with the flow of things and see where it takes you, then you can decide. You definitely arent alone in any of this.

ska8er
August 10th, 2017, 01:23 PM
I think right now u r still confused. I'm
really the same as u but I'm not telling
myself right now that I'm either this or
that til I get over this puberty thing. Let
it all play out before u decide what u r or
what u want out of life.

Nnoki
August 10th, 2017, 05:26 PM
Also I have this "social pressure", i've never been in a relationship because I think i haven't found someone "right for me" yet (i still haven't kissed anyone), all my friends and family are kinda putting that little (not much really) pressure of getting into a relationship. I've been trying to ignore them but it kinda got to a point where it's annoying.

Nelmoinen
August 13th, 2017, 08:48 PM
I would suggest you listen to your heart and not your mind.

Do you like guys? Ok? Good.

Do you like girls? Ok? Good.

Either way, as long as you are happy with who you like or love, and you yourself are happy. Then everything will be ok.

Just JT
August 13th, 2017, 08:53 PM
Also I have this "social pressure", i've never been in a relationship because I think i haven't found someone "right for me" yet (i still haven't kissed anyone), all my friends and family are kinda putting that little (not much really) pressure of getting into a relationship. I've been trying to ignore them but it kinda got to a point where it's annoying.

Ignore those social pressures and be yourself. When the time is right you'll find someone. And it'll be awesome. Then everyone who's been applying those social pressures will understand or know. What ever that means. You don't need to do or explain anything to anybody. Just be happy and let them figure shit out for themselves. And enjoy your life

jamie_n5
August 16th, 2017, 07:08 PM
I know the feeling well about the social pressure. My family too kept on me like why don't you take a girl to the dance or start dating. You just need to follow your heart and inner self and you will be fine. No one except you can decide your true sexuality. I do feel for you. It must be very frustrating not knowing for sure which path to take. I knew basically since I was 12 that I was truly gay. My only problem was not daring to come out. I finally did at 15 and wow it was so great to lift the weight off me. Take your time and like I said let your heart and inner being show you what and who you are.

SeansLittleBro
September 8th, 2017, 08:38 PM
I know the feeling well about the social pressure. My family too kept on me like why don't you take a girl to the dance or start dating. You just need to follow your heart and inner self and you will be fine. No one except you can decide your true sexuality. I do feel for you. It must be very frustrating not knowing for sure which path to take. I knew basically since I was 12 that I was truly gay. My only problem was not daring to come out. I finally did at 15 and wow it was so great to lift the weight off me. Take your time and like I said let your heart and inner being show you what and who you are.

This is a good response to the OP however I take one exception to what you said Jamie. As you know we don't DECIDE on our sexuality, we are born the way we are. Like JT has said in other posts you don't decide your skin color or your eye color or if you are right/left handed, you just are and that is the way it is with our sexuality. But as happened with you I knew when I was 11 that I was gay but took a long time to come out but when I did it was probably one of the best days of my life. I felt free.

markus98
September 18th, 2017, 03:44 AM
Everyone may love a boy today anda a girl tomorrow. it is a bit complicated but it is ok. do not question it. i guess it is not against the human nature.

kyle2003
September 18th, 2017, 08:43 PM
Welcome to VT. Here you will find MANY boys like you, take me for example: I have sexual feelings towards boy, and romantic feelings towards girls. Pretty twisted, right? Sexuality is never easy, but I'm glad you have yours figured out. :)

Not twisted. Just as normal as everyone else. I kinda am the same way. I find guys attractive at times, but I definitely develop more emotional/romantic connections with girls.

DoodleSnap
September 20th, 2017, 04:29 PM
There is definitely a lot of good advice here already - as has been said before, you don't need to know exactly who you are and how you identify right now: Rome wasn't build in a day.

Just enjoy learning and trying new things, and find out what you like and enjoy as time goes by, and you'll work out how you envision your future to be, and how you want to identify.
We all form strong ideas of what we want our future to look like at various points in our lives, and sometimes they work out, and sometimes they don't, but that's okay - it's all a part of the adventure.