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gherkin2pickle
August 9th, 2017, 11:17 PM
Okay, this requires a bit of backstory, so bear with me.

I've known this guy since 6th grade (we're juniors in high school now), and we've been close friends for most of that time. However, we do hang out with different groups of friends. I don't really like his friends because they're extremely negative, always making jokes about self harm and depression and suicide, etc. And as a survivor of most of the above, that doesn't really go over well with me. When he isn't with them, mostly while we're in band, he's very cool to be around. He's a nerd, just like me, and gets along well with my friends (I only have 2-3, heh).

Anyway! On with whatever it is I need help with.

We had marching band practice on Monday night, and after it was over, we all headed back int the band room to grab our stuff and wait for our rides. My dad helps out and was talking with the staff in the office, so I was one of the last people in the band room. The guy in question was also there, because he wanted to walk out with me, like he always does. As soon as my friends walked out and the door closed behind them, he muttered under his breath, "There's an opportunity here." I must also note that he's one to mutter a lot, always talking to himself about something. So, I really have no idea if he meant for me to hear that or not. After he said that and thought for a minute, he told me, "I must pop a question. You may not like the question, but..." and then he just trailed off. He stood there with his eyes closed, thinking hard, not making a sound. I waited patiently, for perhaps a minute, but he never finished his sentence. He was never able to, because my dad finished talking and walked over to us, asking if I was ready to go. So we started walking out, and I was left wondering whatever it was that this guy was going to ask me.

He acted very serious, which is really weird, because he's one to joke around. He seemed genuinely distressed, and even sad when we said our goodbyes in the parking lot. I won't see him again until Monday, and the anxiety is high. I told my best friend about it all, and she's convinced that he was trying to work up the nerve to ask me out. I'm not so sure, though. He has, on multiple occasions, preached about how futile high school romance is, and that it does nothing but cause unwanted emotional stress and takes up time. Why would he ask me out if he truly believes that? I pondered the idea of him accidentally seeing my self harm scars during band camp two weeks prior, and if he would ask about them. I don't know, though. There's really nothing to ask about. So I have issues. His entire group of friends clearly has similar issues, the way they act. I don't think he would ask about them, personally. But I don't know what else it could be.

I guess I should also talk more about our friendship, huh. Like I said above, we're both huge nerds, and find common ground over things such as Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Undertale, Minecraft, stuff like that. We also both really love astronomy, and text each other a lot during the summer about our stargazing escapades. And, we love animals. We love each other's pets as much as we love our own.
Something interesting to mention: He has an afro. Like, a really freaking huge afro. He's very particular about it too, and nobody can touch it. Well, anybody except me. When we were introducing ourselves to the freshmen in the clarinet section this year, he simply said, "My name is (his name). Yes, my hair is awesome. But you can't touch it. Unless you're (my name)." I'm the only one he lets touch his hair, and whenever I ask him why, he either says "Because reasons" or "That's confidential information."

I am in such a panic over this. I already gave up on the idea of me being in a relationship EVER, because my self confidence is and always will be in the pits. How can somebody love me if I'm not capable of loving myself? I'm so scared. What if he does ask what my best friend thinks he will? What should I say? I do like him, a lot, but I'm scared of what's to come of a relationship. What if I drive him away? What if i'm not as great as he thinks I am? What if he realizes how much of a mess I am and stops talking to me? I need help. I've been worrying myself sick over this for two days.

Lend your thoughts, please? If you've bothered to read this far, that is. I'm sorry this is so long. Thank you, though. <3

Kory123
September 15th, 2017, 05:36 PM
Well I guess he has thoughts bugging and him and maybe hes thinking the same thing you are. I would guess he is afraid of risking your friendship and still debating constantly, you dont be worried about yourself, be yourself and if he doesnt like it.. than you dodged a bullet. I guess time will tell.. I feel though I answered late so, :)))

jamie_n5
September 19th, 2017, 03:13 PM
I would ask him please tell me what you wanted to ask me or say to me last week. You are close best friends. You shouldn't be worried about wrecking your friendship. You must have had a few bad or down times with each other. Tell him that if it is that he would really like to start dating or have a relationship that you would love that but have never brought it up because of how he had talked about not having romantically involved relationships in high school. You can also tell him you know that opinions can change with maturity. My last thing for you is that yes you definitely need to find a way to love and accept yourself and who and what you are. I hope things go well for you and him both.

P.S. I am also sorry I didn't see your post till today. I hope I gave you some thoughts or help anyway.