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Dimentio
August 1st, 2017, 02:23 PM
Long time no post on VT haha, but I'm at the point in life where I'm just at a loss right now and I'm hoping some insight can help :')

Some back story, my dad was physically violent and neglectful growing up as a kid and i painted my mum a saint as i thought she was, but not only did i learn she knew he was like this yet she kept sending us there, my mum is like a toxic poison, she was never physically violent and i was slow to realise this but she was destroying me from the inside and and killing me mentally, like the things I'm insecure about, why i have major trust issues and confidence issues, my depression and anxiety, it all stems from her

With that rather short sum up of serious issues out of the way, this has been going on for over 21 years now, i still live with my mum and co, removed my dad from my life for good, i don't have a job due to an assortment of mental/physical health issues and i don't have any friends in real life besides one, but i need to leave home haha

Home life has been bad for a while now, but it's only getting worse and worse, my sister is like a combination of my dad and my mum, but the three main culprites: My mum, her partner and my baby brother, so they think they're the only ones who live in this house as whenever we run out of food, which is often being a bigger family, i ask for some as food is a necessity and you need it to live, i get told we have no money and I'm having to scrape out scraps from the cupboards and fridge/freezer, just looking for anything i can find to get food out of, no exaggeration, yet my baby brother has his own food cupboard that is not only constantly full and restocked, not only is it name brand stuff, not only does it have a ton of variety, but yes, it's all for him, my mum also got an entirely new bedroom this past week, so we don't have money to buy me food, but yet for all of this we do?

Also with my family though, as you can see they can treat me like dirt, my mum has gone through my room countless times, without permission, chucking out whatever she wants, i never get anything, even necessities, they're constantly going for days out or to restaurants and never invite me, they are always quite horrible to me and speak to me in nasty ways, or only talk to me to complain about money issues, they just go out of their way to disrespect me, make me feel unwanted and like everything is my fault. Yet i can't talk to them about anything, if i even so much as think of complaining about something, I'm called vile, horrible, disrespectful, rude, nasty, pathetic, selfish, then i either get treated even worse or yes, abandoned for about a week. One final thing, we have a pet rabbit that has attacked the dogs, myself and my baby girl, my cat on countless ocassions, i keep pleading for it to be at least put in a run if it won't go to a new home, literally nothing is being done about it and I'm not having to make drastic measures that really upset me just to protect the other pets

I don't feel like I'm making this sound as bad as it is, but my only real friend in life Kirsty, she went from being polite about it to me to the point now where she says such vile things about my family in front of me (and rightly so, she says what i feel), and even sometimes I'm not allowed to mention them around her due to the rage it just ingites in her and she said it literally ruins her day thinking how I'm treated at home

So i urgently need to get out of here but i don't have any friends in real life besides Kirsty who i can't live with, so i have nothing in that sense, i have no source of income and won't be able to work any time soon with the state of my health, so that's also being scratched, also though i need my cat, I'm the only one who takes care of her, she has stopped me from killing myself for 2.5 years now, she calms my anxiety, stops me from crying, she means absolutely everything to me and even my family say they know she feels the same as I'm the only one she's made a connection to, but legally she's signed under my mums name and even though they know we need each other, they'd put up a fight to keep her, but i physically and mentally could not leave without her, she's like my therapy animal, i need her. But my family have pushed me to a point where every day I'm constantly fueled by such violent rage, i cry nearly every day, i went through a phase of about 2 months where i was having one full blownbreakdown at least once a week, they're killing me, but i just don't know what i can do

I need to leave so bad, while there is still at least a shred of me as a person that i can build up on or before i do something stupid, i need to leave, but no job, no money, no one to fall back on, no idea how any of this works, and needing Roxy, I'm just scared and i don't know what to do haha, I'm sorry if this has been a mess, there's just so much stress lately and i struggle to hold a single thought by this point :')

jamie_n5
August 1st, 2017, 04:38 PM
Well if your health is bad can you apply for some kind of social help? Is there programs that would pay for or provide you with a room or apartment and give you money for food and essentials? You do really need to get out of your situation some way I can see that. So you are totally unable to work or do anything even like a job at McDonalds or something?

Just JT
August 1st, 2017, 09:54 PM
If your living situation is as toxic as your saying, you just need to leave. Pack your suit and go. Take everything that's yours and go.
Where ever you go, and how ever you will live, you'll be better off and happier and healthier than where you are right now

The rest you'll,figure out somehow. Your in a circle you can't escape from. You just need to leave and go somehwere else

Freckles
August 1st, 2017, 11:18 PM
Your post suggests that your 21 or older and have mental/physical issues. There are programs that will help you get an apartment and help to shop, do your banking or whatever you need. There's no need to suffer and starve because your mom doesn't care. You'll be much happier on your own. Call the Department of Human Services in your area and get things started.

Dimentio
August 2nd, 2017, 02:23 AM
Well if your health is bad can you apply for some kind of social help? Is there programs that would pay for or provide you with a room or apartment and give you money for food and essentials? You do really need to get out of your situation some way I can see that. So you are totally unable to work or do anything even like a job at McDonalds or something?

Nah, not even McDonalds haha, especially not McDonalds, firstly all the heat but also i just refuse to work with people, I'm too scared of them and hate them too much haha, i think there is some sort of help with mental health and essentially being homeless and all that, but i just fear how i will get by and so little but also what conditions they would put me in, like being in a rough area or being froced to live with others, as yet again, I'm scared of/hate people, i adamently do not want to live with anyone any more, after what it's been like with my family, i just want to be on my own haha

If your living situation is as toxic as your saying, you just need to leave. Pack your suit and go. Take everything that's yours and go.
Where ever you go, and how ever you will live, you'll be better off and happier and healthier than where you are right now

The rest you'll,figure out somehow. Your in a circle you can't escape from. You just need to leave and go somehwere else

You say that and i know it technically is true, but with no job and no one to live with I'd be homeless, I'd rather be in a house, have some sort of food and be able to take care of my cat than live on the streets

Your post suggests that your 21 or older and have mental/physical issues. There are programs that will help you get an apartment and help to shop, do your banking or whatever you need. There's no need to suffer and starve because your mom doesn't care. You'll be much happier on your own. Call the Department of Human Services in your area and get things started.


Mmmmhh, there has been talk with my best friend about these services a lot, but we just don't know how they work, also i have some conditions that need to be met or i won't go anywhere, i need to live on my own, it needs to be in a safe area and it needs to be suitable for my cat, i really do need the internet but i could compensate it for those three, but it's just yeah, the fear haha

Just JT
August 2nd, 2017, 06:36 AM
Nah, not even McDonalds haha, especially not McDonalds, firstly all the heat but also i just refuse to work with people, I'm too scared of them and hate them too much haha, i think there is some sort of help with mental health and essentially being homeless and all that, but i just fear how i will get by and so little but also what conditions they would put me in, like being in a rough area or being froced to live with others, as yet again, I'm scared of/hate people, i adamently do not want to live with anyone any more, after what it's been like with my family, i just want to be on my own haha



You say that and i know it technically is true, but with no job and no one to live with I'd be homeless, I'd rather be in a house, have some sort of food and be able to take care of my cat than live on the streets




Mmmmhh, there has been talk with my best friend about these services a lot, but we just don't know how they work, also i have some conditions that need to be met or i won't go anywhere, i need to live on my own, it needs to be in a safe area and it needs to be suitable for my cat, i really do need the internet but i could compensate it for those three, but it's just yeah, the fear haha


Here are 3 good replies, and as hard as they all are, they are good options. It won't be easy. It'll be hard. That's how it is. No pain no gain. If your not truly invested in making the change then any change will not be successful.

Look so lkke you already made your decision to stay where you are. Seems more reasons to stay than there are to make an improvement cause doing so is to hard

Dimentio
August 2nd, 2017, 08:11 AM
Here are 3 good replies, and as hard as they all are, they are good options. It won't be easy. It'll be hard. That's how it is. No pain no gain. If your not truly invested in making the change then any change will not be successful.

Look so lkke you already made your decision to stay where you are. Seems more reasons to stay than there are to make an improvement cause doing so is to hard

I think this is part of my issue, where this has been going on for so long now, not only do i just feel tired and like i can't be bothered to put effort in any more as it always seem like it goes to waste, i guess part of me just doesn't care haha, when you don't really wanna be alive any more, it's hard putting effort into your life to make it better, i just, yeah, those replies are helpful and are the most logical, safest things to do, i just yeah, bleh haha

Lacrosse127
August 2nd, 2017, 10:39 AM
Long time no post on VT haha, but I'm at the point in life where I'm just at a loss right now and I'm hoping some insight can help :')

Some back story, my dad was physically violent and neglectful growing up as a kid and i painted my mum a saint as i thought she was, but not only did i learn she knew he was like this yet she kept sending us there, my mum is like a toxic poison, she was never physically violent and i was slow to realise this but she was destroying me from the inside and and killing me mentally, like the things I'm insecure about, why i have major trust issues and confidence issues, my depression and anxiety, it all stems from her

With that rather short sum up of serious issues out of the way, this has been going on for over 21 years now, i still live with my mum and co, removed my dad from my life for good, i don't have a job due to an assortment of mental/physical health issues and i don't have any friends in real life besides one, but i need to leave home haha

Home life has been bad for a while now, but it's only getting worse and worse, my sister is like a combination of my dad and my mum, but the three main culprites: My mum, her partner and my baby brother, so they think they're the only ones who live in this house as whenever we run out of food, which is often being a bigger family, i ask for some as food is a necessity and you need it to live, i get told we have no money and I'm having to scrape out scraps from the cupboards and fridge/freezer, just looking for anything i can find to get food out of, no exaggeration, yet my baby brother has his own food cupboard that is not only constantly full and restocked, not only is it name brand stuff, not only does it have a ton of variety, but yes, it's all for him, my mum also got an entirely new bedroom this past week, so we don't have money to buy me food, but yet for all of this we do?

Also with my family though, as you can see they can treat me like dirt, my mum has gone through my room countless times, without permission, chucking out whatever she wants, i never get anything, even necessities, they're constantly going for days out or to restaurants and never invite me, they are always quite horrible to me and speak to me in nasty ways, or only talk to me to complain about money issues, they just go out of their way to disrespect me, make me feel unwanted and like everything is my fault. Yet i can't talk to them about anything, if i even so much as think of complaining about something, I'm called vile, horrible, disrespectful, rude, nasty, pathetic, selfish, then i either get treated even worse or yes, abandoned for about a week. One final thing, we have a pet rabbit that has attacked the dogs, myself and my baby girl, my cat on countless ocassions, i keep pleading for it to be at least put in a run if it won't go to a new home, literally nothing is being done about it and I'm not having to make drastic measures that really upset me just to protect the other pets

I don't feel like I'm making this sound as bad as it is, but my only real friend in life Kirsty, she went from being polite about it to me to the point now where she says such vile things about my family in front of me (and rightly so, she says what i feel), and even sometimes I'm not allowed to mention them around her due to the rage it just ingites in her and she said it literally ruins her day thinking how I'm treated at home

So i urgently need to get out of here but i don't have any friends in real life besides Kirsty who i can't live with, so i have nothing in that sense, i have no source of income and won't be able to work any time soon with the state of my health, so that's also being scratched, also though i need my cat, I'm the only one who takes care of her, she has stopped me from killing myself for 2.5 years now, she calms my anxiety, stops me from crying, she means absolutely everything to me and even my family say they know she feels the same as I'm the only one she's made a connection to, but legally she's signed under my mums name and even though they know we need each other, they'd put up a fight to keep her, but i physically and mentally could not leave without her, she's like my therapy animal, i need her. But my family have pushed me to a point where every day I'm constantly fueled by such violent rage, i cry nearly every day, i went through a phase of about 2 months where i was having one full blownbreakdown at least once a week, they're killing me, but i just don't know what i can do

I need to leave so bad, while there is still at least a shred of me as a person that i can build up on or before i do something stupid, i need to leave, but no job, no money, no one to fall back on, no idea how any of this works, and needing Roxy, I'm just scared and i don't know what to do haha, I'm sorry if this has been a mess, there's just so much stress lately and i struggle to hold a single thought by this point :')

First off this must TOTALY suck. I feel bad. I mean just try to get out of the house whenever you can. Call someone to get u out of ur house if its really bad.

Dimentio
August 2nd, 2017, 12:57 PM
First off this must TOTALY suck. I feel bad. I mean just try to get out of the house whenever you can. Call someone to get u out of ur house if its really bad.

Like i said, i have no one but my one friend in real life haha, she's too busy with work and her own life to just get me out of the house, and I've been to local parks and woods so much i know who goes there, when, what their route is and every secret pathway and where best to find certain things, so going to them now is boring but with chronic social anxiety, i don't exactly wanna go to clubs or a town centre XD

Freckles
August 4th, 2017, 10:11 PM
It doesn't seem you really wanted an answer because you're just making excuses why you can't leave. Only you can make the first step to helping yourself. There are services available to you to get a place to live where your needs can be met in a dignified way.