View Full Version : Did I ruin their relationship?

July 26th, 2017, 07:25 AM
So my best friend has been having frequent relationship issues ever since. Every time sheís had an issue sheís always come to me for advice.

So what happened was, she was on and off with this guy who was also one of her best friends and she really didnít know how she felt. I carefully considered what she told me and how great they got along and I decided to tell her to try things with him again because at the time, they seemed to want to both get back into a relationship.

Unfortunately, as their relationship progressed, they had a few occurrences of mistrust and misunderstanding but I was confident that they were able to fix these small issues because of their great bond. I personally was not fond of the guy because we had gone to the same primary school and we hadnít particularly gotten along well but I disregarded this for the sake of my best friend.

It was as of recently though that I wanted to check up on her and ask her how things were going with her relationship so as it always happened, we were sitting in maccas having lunch after school having deep chats. I asked her how their relationship was going and she said she was happy with her boyfriend but I wasnít convinced. I inconsiderately (I admit this) pressed on and asked her if she was really happy and she said she was, but she didnít think her relationship with the guy was healthy because she felt her happiness depended on him and she didnít like that. She also said that she felt like she was holding back and not telling me the whole story so she invited me over to hers for drinks that Saturday to see if she could give me the true story without holding back and I accepted her invitation.

On our way home, we still continued our deep conversation and she explained to me how bad she felt for doubting her relationship and doubting if she was prepared to be in a relationship and I naturally comforted her and told her to clear her mind out and that we would figure it out on that Saturday. Later that night though, she texted me screenshots of texts between herself and her boyfriend. It was basically them arguing as to if they wanted to continue their relationship as she personally didnít think she was happy for the right reasons. It got to the point though that he asked her if she wanted to break up. I then told her it was her choice as to what she wanted to do and left her with the freedom to decide what she wanted. Donít get me wrong though, all my disagreement aside, this guy was amazing to her and I was more than happy with the way he treated my best friend, but at that point she ultimately decided to break up with him.

I now feel extremely bad for what has happened because I feel as if Iím at fault for all of this because I kind of let her doubt their relationship.

So my question is, did I ruin their relationship? Was it bad that I got her doubting her relationship, even if this is not the result I was after?

July 26th, 2017, 07:29 AM
You shouldn't really regret what you advised to her, at the end of the day she said herself that the relationship was an unhealthy one. And usually the best friend is right when it comes to getting bad vibes off a guy that the person is dating. Also, even if you did advise her, she isn't obliged to follow it. She used her own initiative to break up with him.

July 26th, 2017, 11:10 AM
As long as You didn't force her or anything its fine.

July 28th, 2017, 03:39 PM
I don't think you did anything but be a great friend to her. You talked with her and comforted her also. I think you did the absolute right thing by staying out of the decision of her breaking up. It had to be her lone decision and if you had made an opinion or told her to keep dating him and try working things out then I think you could blame yourself and that would have definitely been the wrong thing to do. So as a best friend you stood by her when she needed you and then let her make up her own mind and make the ultimate decision on her own. My hat is off to you man. You did the right thing in my opinion and I think you are a great guy and friend to her and the world.

July 28th, 2017, 03:40 PM
At no point did you force her to do anything. She was after advice and you could only give on hoe you feel, Just continue to be there for her during this time. The fact you show concern shows you care.