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DanselD_mn
July 23rd, 2017, 12:11 AM
I hate myself. I hate that I feel the need to hide myself when in the company of others. I hate to be stared at, I hate to be the center of attention, I just want to blend in and fade away. Don't notice me, please.
Social anxiety makes me feel like a four year old for feeling so inferior and tiny. I've had people walk over me and instead of fighting back I smiled and cried later on in my room. I once had a boy suffocate me on the school bus and I didn't fight back. I didn't know how. I was scared of people seeing me lose it. I felt so traumatized that everyone saw that and it hurt to know that no one helped me. Even the bus driver saw and said nothing. I AM nothing. I mean nothing. I meant nothing in school. I will be nothing again this year. It's all my fault. I'm a fuck up. Please kill me. Take me away. I don't want to be alive anymore.

Amethyst Rose
July 23rd, 2017, 12:30 AM
DanselD_mn

Welcome to the site :)

Do not say those things about yourself. The first thing you need to do to get a hold on your anxiety is stop tearing yourself down. I'm guilty of it too, and it's not as simple as you'd like it to be, but you can't keep filling your head full of "I'm nothing" and "I'm a fuck up" because it only makes things worse. I used to have a hard time saying no to people, but eventually I realized that it's me who has the power to control what happens to me; I'm not anyone's puppet. Instead of letting others walk all over you, just say and do what you want. And you shouldn't worry about making mistakes or not meeting others' expectations - all that matters is you're happy with who you are and, more likely than not, people will forget about any social misstep you make as soon as it's over with.

Just JT
July 23rd, 2017, 01:23 AM
Some people are assholes. Like the ones you talked about
We've all been in low/bad/dark places. This is a good place to talk. Come out of that place.
I'm sorry you were treated like that, nobody deserves that. We're all humans and have the sam Rights and deserve the same dignity.
Not sure I'm even saying the right thing right now, but hey, don't down yourself cause of someone else's assholeness

Just let yourself be who you are and go from there. If they treat you like shit that only shows how bad their family is tbh ...

WhoWhatWhen
July 23rd, 2017, 01:46 AM
Like said above, you have control! I know it's hard to say no or stop sometimes but you can do it. It won't change if you don't do it. If you are ever beating yourself up, you are welcome to vent on here. We can always help you out. :yes:

Fleek
July 23rd, 2017, 09:32 PM
Just be you. Act like you are by yourself. Dont care what people think. It will be awkward at first, and cringy too. Most definitely. Believe me. I know. "practice makes perfect". It will get easier.

Tips:

Play videos of people talking, then try to read lines from a book in the mirror (while the videos still play)