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AnxietyPharmacy
July 21st, 2017, 03:22 PM
Hi there everyone. I'm a 16 year old girl, and I'm just starting college later in september, and it's currently summer here. I've always had relationship problems, but in this situation I really don't know what to do, and I can't ask my friends or family because they wouldn't get it and would turn me away.

When I was 14, I had my first boyfriend, and we were just so in-sync. It wasn't just a stupid teenage relationship crush, we really had something. We broke up after 6 months and didn't talk for a year, and we got back together a second time to give it another shot. Again, things were perfect, it was just the immaturity of our young age that caused us to break up, and we didn't talk for another year, once again.

Then we got back together a third time. I was so stupidly and blindly in love that I gave him another chance, and things were great. We also started to have a more sexual and intimate relationship, and we were very happy. We went out on dates, spent all night talking to each other, etc. But then one night he went to a party, got drunk and did things with other girls. I was completely heart broken and told myself I would never give him another chance again.

A few weeks after we had broken up, his friend confessed to me that he had feelings for me, for privacy reasons I'll call his friend "Tyler". Tyler and I have been together for 2 months now, and things have been going okay, but we act more like friends than a couple. However, he's convinced that he wants to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me, and we're only 16.

I recently started talking to my ex again. We still have the connection we always used to have, we're practically almost the same person. He still has feelings for me. We met up today and he kissed me and held me tight all day, but I feel so horrible for going behind Tyler's back. I don't know what to do. My ex doesn't want a relationship with me for 2 years so we can be more mature, and I want to think he's the one but I just don't know. It would break Tyler's heart for me to leave him.

What should I do?

WhoWhatWhen
July 21st, 2017, 03:28 PM
You gave the ex 3 chances. You have barely given Tyler one. Don't go back to the ex, he has had his chance. He cheated on you, and that is his consequence.

ska8er
July 21st, 2017, 04:03 PM
Forget bout ur ex-move on to
someone who is going to treat
u better.

Coolteenboy
July 21st, 2017, 08:06 PM
Its like the old saying:
EX'S r ex's for a reason.
Keep em that way! "

Just JT
July 21st, 2017, 09:10 PM
It's July, your going to college in like less 6 weeks
And why do you wana do this to yourself again?

lliam
July 21st, 2017, 09:50 PM
My ex doesn't want a relationship with me for 2 years so we can be more mature


Sounds a good deal to me ... waiting til getting more mature - at least, i would say, follow your gut feeling, but give Tyler a try.


Btw - I observed that some of the about 24yos, don't really behave very matured when it comes to relationships. Even if they viciously say, how childish their relations with 14, 16, 18 years still were.


On the other hand, I know peers who've already gone through heaven and hell in matters of relationship(s), who are now acting already more like adults and make more concrete decisions when it comes to relationships.

So whether if we are a dealing very childish or acting more like adults with our partners isn't necessarily only related to any age, but depends on how much ups and downs we've accumulated in a relationship, or even in several relationships.

And, of course, how much we'll mature also depends on what decisions we made and what consequences we drew from it.


I experienced adults who are always making the wrong decisions, and fail in any relationship, cause they never learned. They still emotionally stuck somewhere in their puberty.

Then there are young fellows who have learned to make the right decisions from their relationships and are acting somehow even forbidden matured according to their ages.


No one should say: you gave your ex 3 times a chance ... he cheated on you ... forget him.

He can be exactly the right man in your life when he actually evervgrows up ... and Tyler just remains your BF.


But whether your ex will actually grow up or just pretends to be it, you've to figure it out yourself.

If you recognize he's a fake, you have to make a decision that may let you grow up very fast ... you have to kick ass him so hard that it catapults him so far out of your life that he never can't find a way back to you.


Then you are really a grown up.

Or you remain emotionally 16 for ever.

Desynchronized
July 21st, 2017, 11:33 PM
Pls do urself a favour and forget bout ex.

Barbara.
July 22nd, 2017, 05:08 AM
You gave the ex 3 chances. You have barely given Tyler one. Don't go back to the ex, he has had his chance. He cheated on you, and that is his consequence.
I agree with you. You gave him three chances, three strikes he's out.

Chaosphere
July 23rd, 2017, 03:08 AM
A few weeks after we had broken up, his friend confessed to me that he had feelings for me, for privacy reasons I'll call his friend "Tyler". Tyler and I have been together for 2 months now, and things have been going okay, but we act more like friends than a couple. However, he's convinced that he wants to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me, and we're only 16.

I recently started talking to my ex again. We still have the connection we always used to have, we're practically almost the same person. He still has feelings for me. We met up today and he kissed me and held me tight all day, but I feel so horrible for going behind Tyler's back. I don't know what to do. My ex doesn't want a relationship with me for 2 years so we can be more mature, and I want to think he's the one but I just don't know. It would break Tyler's heart for me to leave him.

What should I do?
I would leave your ex on the back burner for now. I think the best thing to do is try to define your relationship with this new guy. For now it sounds kind of amorphous. If it becomes something more intimate than just a friendship with a cute title, then I would continue it. Eventually though, if this guy just is focused on marrying you while acting like friends, not only is that a little odd, but if we want to look ahead it looks to me like a really boring marriage.
Try to set boundaries with this guy regarding the future, whilst simultaneously expanding your connection in the present.

jamie_n5
July 28th, 2017, 03:23 PM
Well I think it is a really tough and touchy situation. You have this super connection with your ex and Tyler that really loves you but you don't feel or know if you really love him. You certainly don't want to marry someone that you are unsure about your true feelings for. Your ex seems very odd to me also. If he loves you and wants you why would he want to wait two years before you start up an other relationship. I think you really need to think things through here. To be honest I don't think that either one of these guys are right for you. Keep an open mind and date now while you are young. Most people have several relationships before they find that special person. Don't rush into something and be sure that you are totally in love with someone before committing to them.

NewLeafsFan
August 1st, 2017, 01:56 AM
Do NOT go back to your ex. Three times it hasn't worked. That means something.

However, I don't think you should stay with Tyler. He clearly likes you a lot more than you like him. That relationship isn't fair for either of you.

You're starting college soon. You are going to meet so many people. I think it's better to enter situations like that unattached so you can concentrate on yourself and what you want.

Collins1
August 1st, 2017, 08:17 PM
In my personal opinion you should become single and just relieve yourself from all these issues for a while then only consider dating again once you feel you are actually ready to decide who are your real friends and who is just using you (which it sounds like your ex is). Any problems, feel free to pm me and I'll try and help the best as I can!