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View Full Version : How to not hurt anyone here?


Dalcourt
July 18th, 2017, 11:07 PM
First of all I have a boyfriend. I'm not happy with him anymore but ending the relationship at the moment would just cause too much trouble.

Trouble and fighting is just something I don't wanna do at the moment so I just stay even if he is not the person I fell for anymore.

Now there's this guy. We go to the same church and his Mom and my Grandma work at the same place and became friends. He is really nice and fun and so different from all the other guys so I started having a huge crush on him. Being around him makes me really feel good.

My boyfriend is super jealous and as I said I just can't deal with trouble at ghettos moment. So usually I would just avoid the other guy even if I liked him. But his Mom and my Grandma want us to spend time with each has other. He is really shy and has no friends and since the two ladies hang out together they make us hang out together, too. Like having dinner at each others place and seeing a movie or whatever.

So how to avoid and forget about someone if you are literally forced to hang out with him. And I enjoy being with him but this makes it so obvious for my boyfriend that there's something going on. He already starts making remarks.

It's complicated and I'm afraid all will end up hurt, something I really wanna avoid.

mattsmith48
July 18th, 2017, 11:39 PM
I know its not the answer you want, but your best option is to break up with your boyfriend. You seem to really enjoying spending time with that other guy and you guys are becoming good friends, so unless you can work things out and both stay with your bf and keep hanging out with the other guy, breaking up with your bf is probably the best option.

Chaosphere
July 19th, 2017, 02:44 AM
I know its not the answer you want, but your best option is to break up with your boyfriend. You seem to really enjoying spending time with that other guy and you guys are becoming good friends, so unless you can work things out and both stay with your bf and keep hanging out with the other guy, breaking up with your bf is probably the best option.
I'm in agreement, think of any trouble that comes out of it as an investment in your less troubled future. You'll deal with some bullshit now, but in the future you'll hopefully have someone you actually love to help you.

angie78
July 19th, 2017, 03:20 AM
Your interest in the other guy meens that your interest in your bf is lost. I believe that you should discus with your bf and let him know about your feelings..
So for me the best option is to break up with your bf and keep a little space on your own. This way you have time to think of what you really want and take the best decision for you!

lliam
July 19th, 2017, 03:58 AM
I don't know your reasons why you want to avoid trouble with your friend for now.

But sooner or later, you've to tell him, for whatever reason you feel nothing or no longer that much for him as you both started the relationship.


I would advise you no matter how much trouble this is going to cause you at the moment, do it here and now, because usually trouble will only get bigger if you postpone the break all the time.

Just JT
July 19th, 2017, 04:45 AM
Seems to me you already know what to do. You like a guy, and like being with him, and your looking for advice on how to avoid him???

You have a bf, but not really happy with the relationship, but stay in it anyways???

I get the drama bro, nobody wants drama. But you need to follow how you feel inside to make happy for yourself. There's alway gonna be things you don't wana do to get there. It's called a risk and investment.

ska8er
July 19th, 2017, 05:12 AM
Since ur not happy with ur boyfriend u got
to breakup with him if u want to start any kind
of relationship with the one u have a crush on.
Hanging on to ur present boyfriend is only going
to make u unhappy and cause u problems. It may
not be easy to break up but something u will have
to deal with if u r going to move on.

SethfromMI
July 19th, 2017, 10:13 AM
First of all I have a boyfriend. I'm not happy with him anymore but ending the relationship at the moment would just cause too much trouble.

Trouble and fighting is just something I don't wanna do at the moment so I just stay even if he is not the person I fell for anymore.

Now there's this guy. We go to the same church and his Mom and my Grandma work at the same place and became friends. He is really nice and fun and so different from all the other guys so I started having a huge crush on him. Being around him makes me really feel good.

My boyfriend is super jealous and as I said I just can't deal with trouble at ghettos moment. So usually I would just avoid the other guy even if I liked him. But his Mom and my Grandma want us to spend time with each has other. He is really shy and has no friends and since the two ladies hang out together they make us hang out together, too. Like having dinner at each others place and seeing a movie or whatever.

So how to avoid and forget about someone if you are literally forced to hang out with him. And I enjoy being with him but this makes it so obvious for my boyfriend that there's something going on. He already starts making remarks.

It's complicated and I'm afraid all will end up hurt, something I really wanna avoid.

I know its not the answer you want, but your best option is to break up with your boyfriend. You seem to really enjoying spending time with that other guy and you guys are becoming good friends, so unless you can work things out and both stay with your bf and keep hanging out with the other guy, breaking up with your bf is probably the best option.

I may not agree with Matt on everything, but I agree with him 100% on this. I understand you don't want to hurt him. but the thing is, when your in a relationship with someone you really don't want to be anymore, it is not only not going to be healthy for you, but it is not going to be healthy for the person you are with either. it is just going to cause more and more problems down the road and eventually, even if you two stayed together, the both of you are still likely to be hurt because your not happy with the relationship and therefore it is not going to be a healthy one. if your not happy with it, it is time to end it. I am not saying tell him about this other guy (after all , it is not like your cheating on your bf) but tell him your not happy and it is time to end it.

like Matt also said, if you could make it work and the both of you would be happy, great. but the fact you are interested in this other guy suggests, on some level, your always going to want to be with the other guy and again, that could cause resentment and other problems down the road which is just going to cause trouble.

as gently (but firmly) as possible, tell him it is simply not working out. even if it causes him some pain, it will be better for the both of you. it will make you free for the other guy and he will have the opportunity to meet someone who is going to love him too. not saying you never loved or don;t care about him (the fact you don't want to hurt him says a lot) but he will also have the opportunity to find the person who is right for him.

Dalcourt
July 19th, 2017, 09:23 PM
Yeah sure you are right about the breaking up with my current bf part. I just kinda dread breaking up with him since I'm sure he won't take it so well.

The other guy...I really like him but I don't know if he is interested in me at all. I assumed he his gay or at least bi from what his mother told me but we never really talked about this.
So no idea if he would even like me at all or just spend time now with me cuz his Mom forces him.

My current bf is rather jealous so I feel he would cause some trouble when he sees that guy I always hang out while breaking up with him.
I'm afraid he will get harassed or worse for nothing.

mattsmith48
July 20th, 2017, 11:23 AM
Yeah sure you are right about the breaking up with my current bf part. I just kinda dread breaking up with him since I'm sure he won't take it so well.

The other guy...I really like him but I don't know if he is interested in me at all. I assumed he his gay or at least bi from what his mother told me but we never really talked about this.
So no idea if he would even like me at all or just spend time now with me cuz his Mom forces him.

My current bf is rather jealous so I feel he would cause some trouble when he sees that guy I always hang out while breaking up with him.
I'm afraid he will get harassed or worse for nothing.

No one takes a break up well, it sucks, but sometimes its there is no other options. If it turns out the other guy is not gay at lease you'll still have a good friend. And if it turn out he is interested in you, better that you broke up with your current boyfriend before anything happens.

Dalcourt
July 20th, 2017, 12:22 PM
No one takes a break up well, it sucks, but sometimes its there is no other options. If it turns out the other guy is not gay at lease you'll still have a good friend. And if it turn out he is interested in you, better that you broke up with your current boyfriend before anything happens.

Yeah, guess you're right.
I guess I need to get the courage and find the right time to make this step.

SethfromMI
July 20th, 2017, 12:27 PM
Yeah sure you are right about the breaking up with my current bf part. I just kinda dread breaking up with him since I'm sure he won't take it so well.

The other guy...I really like him but I don't know if he is interested in me at all. I assumed he his gay or at least bi from what his mother told me but we never really talked about this.
So no idea if he would even like me at all or just spend time now with me cuz his Mom forces him.

My current bf is rather jealous so I feel he would cause some trouble when he sees that guy I always hang out while breaking up with him.
I'm afraid he will get harassed or worse for nothing.

Yeah, guess you're right.
I guess I need to get the courage and find the right time to make this step.

Well even if this other guy is not bi or gay, if your current bf is not right for you, then he is simply not right for you. it happens. it is part of the whole dating process. it might be scary to do it and I am sorry to hear he might end up trying to cause some problems for you. but to be honest, to me, that speaks of the fact is is a toxic relationship. it is something in the end, even if you do not end up dating this other guy, ending your current relationship might be for the best. hate to say it but that's just the way it goes sometimes. remind yourself it is going to be better for the both of you in the end, because it will. I wish you the best of luck with this.