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WhoWhatWhen
July 16th, 2017, 12:24 AM
So, my mom is what I would call a "functioning alcoholic." She gets drunk every night. It's what she looks forward to. When she has people over (sisters and their friends) 3/7 days a week, she tells everything I say to her, while she's sober, to them. Once she told my aunt (who I'm not close with) a problem with my appearance that I asked my mom about, and she told her. I was really embarrassed and I've asked her once not to do it (when she was sober) and it obviously didn't work. I mean what can I do? She's my mom. I can't stop talking to her, I can't just not tell her anything I care about, I'm not going to yell at her about it. idk :(

devotionnel
July 16th, 2017, 12:54 AM
Maybe you could (calmly) confront her about this issue? Not just that she broadcasts your personal conversations but also maybe the alcoholism? Is she receiving treatment for it? Life is great and she should look forward to waking up everyday, not just getting drunk at the end of it.

Maybe talking about it could help the former issue. Well, if she does it again after talking to her about it it's on her, not on you.

WhoWhatWhen
July 16th, 2017, 01:02 AM
Maybe you could (calmly) confront her about this issue? Not just that she broadcasts your personal conversations but also maybe the alcoholism? Is she receiving treatment for it? Life is great and she should look forward to waking up everyday, not just getting drunk at the end of it.

Maybe talking about it could help the former issue. Well, if she does it again after talking to her about it it's on her, not on you.

I have asked her to stop drinking pretty much the whole of my life. She just gets mad at me and it really unfortunately makes no difference on her habits. :(

devotionnel
July 16th, 2017, 10:17 AM
I have asked her to stop drinking pretty much the whole of my life. She just gets mad at me and it really unfortunately makes no difference on her habits. :(

Hopefully one day she'll wake up and realise there's more to life like my mum did, so honestly I can relate with you 100% on that front.

On the other hand, do you think anyone else would help you tackle the problem? Maybe a family friend (who obviously cares about your mother) or a grandparent? She may be able to be reasoned with more if it's someone of similar age or someone older than her. She may not take it seriously from you, obviously no offence to you but she may feel like the one to make her own choices and not let her daughter tell her what to do. Does that make sense?

Just JT
July 16th, 2017, 12:37 PM
Stop sharing these personal details with her. She'll eventually figure it out. Asking her doesnt help so....

ska8er
July 16th, 2017, 02:05 PM
Then don't tell her things that u
know will b spread around.

Chaosphere
July 17th, 2017, 01:06 AM
On the other hand, do you think anyone else would help you tackle the problem? Maybe a family friend (who obviously cares about your mother) or a grandparent? She may be able to be reasoned with more if it's someone of similar age or someone older than her. She may not take it seriously from you, obviously no offence to you but she may feel like the one to make her own choices and not let her daughter tell her what to do. Does that make sense?
This is the exact advice I gave to someone else on the forums a while back. People like this don't respect you, they think because you're a minor that you can't possibly have anything figured out. Insecurity about their addictions can also feed into defensiveness. You'll need someone else, someone she sees as a peer, and preferably a superior, to work with you on this.

devotionnel
July 17th, 2017, 02:01 AM
This is the exact advice I gave to someone else on the forums a while back. People like this don't respect you, they think because you're a minor that you can't possibly have anything figured out. Insecurity about their addictions can also feed into defensiveness. You'll need someone else, someone she sees as a peer, and preferably a superior, to work with you on this.

This is what I was trying to get across, thanks for giving it a bit more clarity since my explanation was all over the place :)

Now that I'm thinking about it, how about your aunts? They seem to be close with your mother if they come over often, maybe they can give you some advice or they can offer to help you :) Personally I would choose one you're closest with or shares the same ideals as you when it comes to your mother drinking.

WhoWhatWhen
July 21st, 2017, 01:56 PM
This is what I was trying to get across, thanks for giving it a bit more clarity since my explanation was all over the place :)

Now that I'm thinking about it, how about your aunts? They seem to be close with your mother if they come over often, maybe they can give you some advice or they can offer to help you :) Personally I would choose one you're closest with or shares the same ideals as you when it comes to your mother drinking.

All my aunts are like her too, they come over to drink with her. I think they all don't really think they have a problem because they all are close with each other and have the same habits. I would ask a friend of my mom that doesn't drink, but she doesn't think my mom has a problem since she's fine and can function during the daytime. It's just "how they are" and they she doesn't see anything wrong with it.

Coolteenboy
July 21st, 2017, 09:45 PM
Mom isnt gunna change.
U just hve share w her ONLY what u want to be talked about. Its obvious she cannot keep your confidences.

Freckles
July 22nd, 2017, 11:24 AM
I'd tell her that if she's going to tell everything you share that you will quit sharing with her. Some people have to learn the hard way that they have to be trustworthy to be trusted even by their own kids. I really feel sorry for you.

WhoWhatWhen
July 23rd, 2017, 02:26 AM
I'd tell her that if she's going to tell everything you share that you will quit sharing with her. Some people have to learn the hard way that they have to be trustworthy to be trusted even by their own kids. I really feel sorry for you.

I really try to restrict what I say to her but sometimes things slip. I don't even think she realizes she's invading my privacy when she repeats what I say. And don't feel sorry for me! :) I appreciate it but I'm doing alright :D

NewLeafsFan
August 1st, 2017, 01:26 AM
I know she's your mom but I would still recommend that you don't tell her anything unless you would have it published in your local newspaper. Also, try limiting your time with her.

I know what it's like to live with an addict. For that, you have my sympathy.