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azurzg
July 4th, 2017, 09:27 AM
How would you feel if you accidentally found out that one of your friends fancies you?

Would you be comfortable to be friends with someone who you know is sexually attracted to you?

Inflation26
July 4th, 2017, 09:36 AM
of the 4 close female friends that I have I had a short thing with 3 of them and I know 2 of them still fancy me. So far it has never been of any problem when it comes to our friedship. I started hanging out with one a little bit less and the other one is one of my best friends now so for me it didn't change a thing

mick01
July 4th, 2017, 12:22 PM
Ya, I've had a couple of girls tell me they liked me and wanted something more to happen. But I just said that I wasn't ready for that right now and they were fine. We're still friends.

Bull
July 4th, 2017, 12:28 PM
I have had a couple of dates recently with a girl who came on to me sometime back, but I was in a relationship at the time. We continued to be friends, so I asked her out and we had a nice time so did it again.

Just JT
July 4th, 2017, 01:04 PM
It's happened a couple times. And sometimes it's the other way around. Think it's pretty normal in some way. If your not interested like that just be honest and kind is all. Don't let it ruin a friendship or anything. Those aren't so easy to come across.

It can feel awkward, but if you talk about it it'll be ok. Never know you miss but find the same feelings or something

devotionnel
July 4th, 2017, 01:10 PM
My guy best friend had like a massive crush on me like nearly 3 years ago now, but he didn't really know me as well then. He's constantly denied it - the amount of times I've been told he likes me in these last 3 years is unreal - but now I'm out it happens less with people at my school. Occasionally he'll drop the odd flirtatious comment but I just choose to brush it off. He is just a bit of an awkward guy in general so I pity him a bit for it.

azurzg
July 4th, 2017, 02:07 PM
The thing is, I have only two very close friends that I tell everything about me (without content filtering). And I am starting to realise one of them wants me romantically and/or sexually. And with romantic/sexual things come expectations/obligations. I like my friends to be my friends without wanting something from me. Do you know what I mean - something unconditional.

Just JT
July 4th, 2017, 03:39 PM
The thing is, I have only two very close friends that I tell everything about me (without content filtering). And I am starting to realise one of them wants me romantically and/or sexually. And with romantic/sexual things come expectations/obligations. I like my friends to be my friends without wanting something from me. Do you know what I mean - something unconditional.

I know exactly what you mean. And it's a hard fine line. See the thing is is that they (from what I'm reading) want you that way. It's not reciprocal (sp). And that's the difference. Sounds that even if you do feel that way a little, or are open to some sort of casual sexual thing with them, your afraid of losing what you have. I get that.

It's pretty common actually. I'd try and talk with them and sort this out so everyone is happy, nobody's hurt, and remain friends. After all, you need to have a mutual attraction to build a mutually equal relationship. If one is in it for this and the other is in it for that, then it'll only end badly.

Unless there's a different mutually agreed on thing and your both really and truly ok with everything.

Elysium
July 4th, 2017, 10:11 PM
Not quite the scenario you outlined, but my best friend once admitted to liking me a lot. I was uncomfortable for a while, but determined to stay friends. The discomfort went away and we came out of it closer than ever.

Babs
July 5th, 2017, 01:05 AM
you know how sometimes a guy has a crush on a girl just because she's his only female friend? i've been that girl a few times and it didn't bother me that much. kinda awkward st times but i didn't make a big deal of it.

azurzg
July 5th, 2017, 02:51 AM
I know exactly what you mean. And it's a hard fine line. See the thing is is that they (from what I'm reading) want you that way. It's not reciprocal (sp). And that's the difference. Sounds that even if you do feel that way a little, or are open to some sort of casual sexual thing with them, your afraid of losing what you have. I get that.

It's pretty common actually. I'd try and talk with them and sort this out so everyone is happy, nobody's hurt, and remain friends. After all, you need to have a mutual attraction to build a mutually equal relationship. If one is in it for this and the other is in it for that, then it'll only end badly.

Unless there's a different mutually agreed on thing and your both really and truly ok with everything.


Thank you. That's actually quite helpful.

naenaendr
July 5th, 2017, 08:21 AM
I wouldn't mind it. After all, they are my friend for a reason, so might date them to get to know them better (unless I'm already dating someone).

Flapjack
July 5th, 2017, 11:00 AM
This has happened to ma a few times and it is always difficult!! I generally don't care however sometimes I worry I might lead people on because I am really friendly and affectionate to my friends so I can get kinda awkward after I find out as I try to be nice but not misleading but I just say either I don't want a gf or that we are too good friends to date and yeah in a few weeks or so they move on and everything is back to normal!! :) It does suck though because obviously you want to make your friend's lives as great as possible and rejecting them obviously makes them sad so it is really difficult!!

Something I just remembered XD The girl I fancy is actually a pretty close friend of mine and she is chill with me fancying her and would hate for her to feel awkward or not be friends with me just because I like her soooo I don't know where I am going with this but like it is perfectly possible to be friends with someone that likes you and you should consider their feelings too :)

ShineintheDark
July 5th, 2017, 03:53 PM
It's perfectly possible if the other person fully understands that it won't happen and so won;t make too many passes. We've all liked someone or been liked so we all understand it won't always happen

Chaosphere
July 6th, 2017, 01:42 AM
Yes. It would just require solid boundaries, assuming you didn't want to or couldn't reciprocate for some reason. I know I could make it work on my end, as long as the other party could in a platonic fashion.

TheLivingLie
July 9th, 2017, 11:27 AM
I liked a friend that I spent a lot of time with, I told a few people like 6 months after I developed feelings and they were like 'wow I never knew' and them the next 6 months it spread around, made things awkward, then we finished school and she went to another school, I asked her out, she said no, now we don't talk. But to answer your question, it dependable on the individual and how u handle the situation, at the end of the day you want to avoid it being awkward which is what I did and now regret a lot......

Claire Asteroid
July 11th, 2017, 09:59 AM
I was friends with one of the boys at my school and then he asked me to be his girlfriend but I really didn't want to, but we carried on being friends but it was a bit harder after that.

folej003
July 11th, 2017, 02:53 PM
Can be quite awkward especially if you don't feel the same way, at the end of the day though if you think you call still be friends that's completely down to you. It will be hard but if you can do it before you can do it again . See how it goes

Orange Kenny
July 12th, 2017, 09:35 AM
You could try talk to her/him and see if you can find a way to keep the friendly relationship going without further "complications". But it depends on what kind of crush she/he has on you. If it's a strong thing it could get really awkward and maybe being apart would be the only solution. But you never know until you actually have this conversation. I wouldn't keep things like they are though, pretending to not know about her/his feelings.

azurzg
July 13th, 2017, 09:50 AM
So, we had the talk. We talked yesterday for about five hours and again today for two more. He claims he is straight and has never had feelings for another guy. He admits having strange/unexplained "feelings" for me. He knows I'm bi (well, he knows everything about me).
We've been close friends for 4 years. We are probably as close as friends get. I've always known he liked my simplicity (I'm very straightforward) and confidence (I learned to accept myself for what I am). I admire his dependability (always being there for me and a few of his other friends; he is super kind, reliable and supportive) and his rather unique points-of-view (he often sees things very differently than I do and I very much respect his opinion).
So, lately I noticed he's a bit possessive (jealous) when I'm physically close (or sexual) with other people, even if it is just for fun or horsing around. In the talk we had he confessed he started having sexual thoughts about me (which he himself found confusing). I am now starting to feel awkward being naked in front of him (as in, when changing or showering or going skinny dipping) or whenever he initiates physical contact (sports or goofing around).

So, we’ve identified a problem, but we do not have a solution yet.