PDA

View Full Version : Is it okay to find non-virgins a turn off?


Egg-Magnet
June 27th, 2017, 01:40 AM
Hi. Before I start I just want to say I'm not slutshaming at all and this is just a personal problem, I don't go around preaching :)

So I was dating this girl for about a year and we did more or less everything bar having sex. We broke up a little while back and since we've broken up I've dated no one bar a few drunken male out mistakes .She ended up going down on a boy and fucked the guy she's dating now. However recently she's spoken about us getting together, but I can't get past the idea that she's had someone else inside her? It like freaks me out massively . I know it's really ridiculous but how the #*? do I get over this?

biboy_unsure
June 27th, 2017, 01:44 AM
Hi. Before I start I just want to say I'm not slutshaming at all and this is just a personal problem, I don't go around preaching :)

So I was dating this girl for about a year and we did more or less everything bar having sex. We broke up a little while back and since we've broken up I've dated no one bar a few drunken male out mistakes .She ended up going down on a boy and fucked the guy she's dating now. However recently she's spoken about us getting together, but I can't get past the idea that she's had someone else inside her? It like freaks me out massively . I know it's really ridiculous but how the #*? do I get over this?

This is kinda confusing... Are you bisexual? dated men? Who did she tell about your sexual interaction? Please clarify the confusion...

devotionnel
June 27th, 2017, 02:35 AM
This is kinda confusing... Are you bisexual? dated men? Who did she tell about your sexual interaction? Please clarify the confusion...

I think this a typo here - it could be "make out mistakes". OP, prove me wrong if it is otherwise.

And it is normal to feel that way, but it's kind of the way how people have had (maybe sexual) partners before you, and definitely in this case after you. It's not slutshaming, but you have to remember that it's the girl's decision to do those things, not yours. At the end of the day, it's just something that's happened and it's in the past now and they can't go back on it, simple.

Orange Kenny
June 27th, 2017, 03:47 AM
It's mostly all in the head. No pun intended. I mean, you probably overthink it and worry over nothing. Non virgins have souls too! :D

azurzg
June 27th, 2017, 05:13 AM
I can't get past the idea that she's had someone else inside her

Are you a very traditional/conservative person?

If you are bisexual (as biboy_unsure suggests) you could try having someone inside of you before getting back with her, then you'd be "equal" :) :D

Periphery
June 27th, 2017, 07:32 AM
It's mostly all in the head. No pun intended. I mean, you probably overthink it and worry over nothing. Non virgins have souls too! :D

Or it's just a matter of preference and the OP would just prefer someone who doesn't have any sexual experience. There is nothing wrong with that choice.

Are you a very traditional/conservative person?

If you are bisexual (as biboy_unsure suggests) you could try having someone inside of you before getting back with her, then you'd be "equal" :) :D

That's not actually advice. That doesn't actually solve the fact that OP prefers someone who is a virgin, that doesn't actually change it at all. Not everything has to be solved in a sexual way, and sometimes advice that is not based on someone's hormones is better than solving everything with sex. People more often than not prefer a virgin as a partner, it's not new.

Amethyst Rose
June 27th, 2017, 07:55 AM
You don't need to worry about "getting over" it or "solving" it, don't alter your preferences to please anyone else. Only ever do what you are comfortable with who you are comfortable with.

mick01
June 27th, 2017, 08:38 AM
I'm not sure if you're just talking about your ex-gf or any girls that are non-virgins but if that's what you prefer then go with it. But it seems like you'd have to be with someone for at least a little bit before finding out if they're a virgin or not. At that point, ending it could get a little awkward.

Elysium
June 27th, 2017, 08:43 AM
You can't help your attractions, so there's no use beating yourself up over it. It definitely is worth examining why that might be the case, though. Consciously you might have no problem with people who enjoy sex, but you might still subconsciously hold some stigma about it. It's also possible that you don't, and this is a weird case of jealousy or envy, since you did date for a significant amount of time in the past.

azurzg
June 27th, 2017, 09:44 AM
People more often than not prefer a virgin as a partner, it's not new.

I understand what you're trying to say. I just don't consider >being a virgin< as important a quality as being >nice<, >kind< or >friendly<.

When selecting a partner, I would much rather find a >good person< than someone >whose body parts have not been tampered with<.

ska8er
June 27th, 2017, 02:35 PM
Just run away and don't look back.
Shes a player.

"a few drunken male out mistakes"?
I think "make out".. Funny how one
letter mistake changes things-LOL.

Orange Kenny
June 27th, 2017, 06:36 PM
Or it's just a matter of preference

Well, duh. Of course it's a matter of preference, I'm just trying to make a point about the very origin of this preference, in case he would consider reconsidering the whole thing. Maybe he would like to, maybe he wouldn't.
There's nothing wrong in taking a different aspect into account anyway.

Periphery
June 28th, 2017, 02:10 AM
I understand what you're trying to say. I just don't consider >being a virgin< as important a quality as being >nice<, >kind< or >friendly<.

When selecting a partner, I would much rather find a >good person< than someone >whose body parts have not been tampered with<.

Of course it isn't. That just isn't related at all with your overly sexual previous reply that you somehow completely forgot about. I agree with what you're saying here because that is common sense. That other post on the other hand really wasn't.

Chaosphere
June 28th, 2017, 02:14 AM
Hi. Before I start I just want to say I'm not slutshaming at all and this is just a personal problem, I don't go around preaching :)

So I was dating this girl for about a year and we did more or less everything bar having sex. We broke up a little while back and since we've broken up I've dated no one bar a few drunken male out mistakes .She ended up going down on a boy and fucked the guy she's dating now. However recently she's spoken about us getting together, but I can't get past the idea that she's had someone else inside her? It like freaks me out massively . I know it's really ridiculous but how the #*? do I get over this?
I have someone like that with me at the mo (I wouldn't call her my girlfriend exactly yet) but we're open about that stuff and she knows I'm a virgin and I know she's not. It kind of unsettled me at the very beginning, but I'm comfortable with it now because I try to live in the moment with everything. She's not actively fucking other people, it's in the past. What matters is the two people involved NOW.

azurzg
June 28th, 2017, 07:03 AM
Of course it isn't. That just isn't related at all with your overly sexual previous reply that you somehow completely forgot about. I agree with what you're saying here because that is common sense. That other post on the other hand really wasn't.

I was absolutely not being "overly sexual"; in fact, I was not being sexual at all. I was making a point by making a ridiculous statement. You should really try to avoid making quick judgements. That was intended as a cutting, ironic, inflated statement intended to express disagreement with treating humans as cattle. The point I was making is that people are not "pieces of meat" and should not be treated as such. I am sorry you missed that.

kimmykim
June 28th, 2017, 06:21 PM
are you grossed out by the fact that some other guy was inside her? its not like there is any trace of him still there, and even if they didn't use a condom, there are more gross things that happen down there every month.

lolaa
June 28th, 2017, 08:24 PM
i don't think it's weird , and i don't think someone being inside of her is what kinda bothers you.
if i ever was in your position (depending on how long i dated my ex) i would be really mad.
not because his dick was in someone else but because he didn't care that much for me and went and slept with someone else , i would assume he didn't have that much respect or feelings left for me. if we broke up , there would still be feelings.
so no , i wouldn't get back together .
but i don't know every detail of your story and it all comes down to what you feel is right for you

Doc. Maestro
June 30th, 2017, 06:17 AM
Personally I have some kind of the same sense. I would feel strange knowing somebody else literally put their dick inside the person of interest, and that's completely separate from my fear of contracting an STD. I'm a virgin, and I like to think of myself as a very old-fashioned thinker, with rather archaic ideals, to some extent. I would like my first time to be with another virgin, to explore the way people should, rather than with somebody who's slept with 100 other guys.

I think this fear/disgust comes from imagining what all their other partners have done with them: where their member has been, where they've ejaculated, what she's done with the semen, etc...

As a person with a very active mind and overactive imagination, I find it difficult to dispel these thoughts when I'm considering a potential partner, and it can really ruin the image for me and shrink my confidence.

So long story short, yes I think it's normal. Not everybody would necessarily feel the same, but I don't think there's a problem with it. I think humans naturally seek people who would be most faithful and loyal to them, which is why we may prefer somebody who hasn't "given" their body to somebody before us.

bunnyhabit
June 30th, 2017, 06:43 AM
unless she is under twelve most girls are non-virgins even if say they are virgin. at least your girlfriend was honest.

Uniquemind
June 30th, 2017, 10:13 PM
I think this is normal in a sense? But having such ideals places oneself in a very limited position of how they can be happy in the halls of romance.

People just mess around, or perhaps they aren't promiscuous in a "party crazy" way, but perhaps they are serially unlucky at one serious relationship after another. Unfortunately it is valid to establish sexual-physical compatibility before entering into a marriage, and many people feel that way and/or want to be close to a potential life partner, so many people aren't virgins.

Doesn't mean they're more or less pure or good or evil, it just is.

I do wonder however if perhaps those who NEED that preference of their future partner being a virgin, end up going after younger and younger partners to the point of pedophilia though, because that age demographic almost guarantees that variable.



are you grossed out by the fact that some other guy was inside her? its not like there is any trace of him still there, and even if they didn't use a condom, there are more gross things that happen down there every month.


That's debatable at least societally and there are some scientific studies on sociology and psychology that were anonymously done whose results showed monogamous couples who were exclusively together ended up happier together compared to monogamous relationships (married or otherwise in both groups) who had sexual experiences prior to their current spouse.

The reasons being for the latter was that in those couples who had experiences with other guys or gals BEFORE their marriage, in moments where the marriage is not "happy" and the couple is fighting about something, the woman or man would go back to a memory of a previous partner (in which they felt treated better, as opposed to feeling stuck with their current steady). (Aka: grass is greener with someone else complex).


So there is some truth to the exclusivity monogamy argument that is not based on a power-control paradigm of abuse.


So this is why the last few 10+ years, so many divorces or breakups of long term relationships have happened and everyone has "step siblings and parents", it's the result of this mindset and dating culture.

ShineintheDark
July 1st, 2017, 06:46 AM
It's not unusual though I'd advise you to try and get over it since you can't always have virgins