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View Full Version : How did it end up like this?


Shouetsu
June 24th, 2017, 08:05 PM
This is going to be another one of those really long posts. I completely understand if you don't have the patcience to read it all.. Haha x)

Oh, man.. Where do i start?..

I'm such a fucking loser it's crazy. I've just recently turned 17 (which means after summer break, I'll be up for second grade in high school. I live in Sweden, that's how education works here. But nevermind that. It's not important.) When i started my first year of high school, i had really high (stupidly high) expectations for how life would change now that i finally got out of the shithole that is my hometown..

The school i go to isn't too far away though, so that's nice. But nontheless, i just had some really bad experiences with people here so i thought, (like every other highschool student does) that this would be some sort of gateway to a brand new, awesome new life. But no. Life just doesn't work that way, it seems. I quickly realized that half of my class were immature. Like, so immature i couldn't even believe it. Some of 'em act like they're in kindergarten.. With that said, that surely didn't give me all the much motivation to make friends with my classmates.

I really did try to make friends with the people there, i really, really did. But i whenever I'd try to start a conversation i was just frozen. I was ashamed, not for what the other person would think of me, but of my own inability to start a fucking conversation. I screwed up way too hard. I was just a stupid emotional wreck with no self respect or anything of the like.

(Sorry, I'm getting really, really off-track here. It's a bit hard to stay focused while being so damn emotional..)

I was frustrated, because even if i did put myself out there and try to be a nice, cool guy, a guy someone could talk to whenever they had a problem, no one barely ever took their time to talk to me. I eventually brushed it off and told myself "I'm just unlucky. I'm sure I'll make friends later." And whenever someone would try to talk or hang out with me i was just a big asshole and shut 'em down. I've realized i don't trust people anymore. I've hated people since i was 12 years old. I guess i just wasn't able to say "Oh, fuck it." and try hanging out with somebody when i got the chance to. Who knows, maybe i could have had a really good friend by now.

As i said, i was really frustrated and ultimately just ended up being alone most of the time. Flash forward to the day of the ceremony. The day where we all got to take a looong, 10 week break from school. It was then that i realized i haven't just been unlucky, loads of my classmates have become really good friends with eachother. Me having no friends? It wasn't some bullshit coincidence like i thought it was. I'm just really fucking unpopular. I've been expecting my life to unfold like a fucking fairy tale with no problems whatsover. What the hell was i thinking?... and now, I'm just sitting here in my room, with my super-fucking annoying appearance and fat belly. With no friends or anything to wake up to every day. (I often find myself fantasizing about going to another country, only to see if school is different there. But that's just one of my stupid fantasies. I shouldn't talk about that.) Seeing people being really good friends, people you can trust, it just hurts me, so much. Because no matter how much i try to neglect it, i don't have one myself. I just want someone i can talk to, that's all..

What can i guy do in life with no friends to have your back(, or more importantly, no friends to help while they're in deep shit, either.) No ambitions, no one to talk to. No fucking positive feelings at all, nothing.
I even took my bike out at midnight today. I don't know, i just couldn't stand being in my damn room all day. Had to do something, right? I went so damn fast i even shouted loudly in emotional bliss into the sky as i flew past. It was awesome. It was only until i got off my bike to take a breather that i realized how fast i had gone. I could barely stand from all the pumping..

What do i do in life? I'd love to hear something, anything from you guys. It's just nice having someone to converse with. You know, this is a pretty cool site. If any of you would like to chat or something, that'd be totally cool.

Have a good one.

Just JT
June 24th, 2017, 08:44 PM
Well, I'm really sorry for your loneliness bro. That's a hard thing to get past. Seems to me there's something inside holding you back, something only you can make a change in.

Younsaid you've hated people since you were 12, maybe start with that?
Why don't you get a summer job? You can meet people there, maybe start a friendship. Friendship takes time. Lots of it. Seems that's something you shied away from in school. And now you see the benefits of not hating everyone?

Anyways, try something new. Getba summer job, volunteer doing something, get involved, you'll meet people. Some may be a bit older cause of the maturity thing but hey, never know ya no?

Shouetsu
June 25th, 2017, 12:14 PM
Thanks dude. I really appreciate the advice. I'm actually planning on getting a summer job tomorrow. I heard about an opening at a nearby botany store. So hopefully that works out i guess.

Just JT
June 25th, 2017, 01:01 PM
If it does or doesn't don't let it get yiundown or stop you from still looking for something to do. It may not be much time you want to work or something. So maybe still more time to do their stuff.

Being alone sucks. But if your doing something, you'll probably just be with people, and you'll naturally just meet them and stuff

Shouetsu
June 25th, 2017, 03:18 PM
You're right. I'm just being a wuss. haha :p Thanks bro.

Just JT
June 25th, 2017, 06:32 PM
You're right. I'm just being a wuss. haha :p Thanks bro.

No, I don't think thatbat all. Your justbin a spot is all

Shouetsu
June 27th, 2017, 10:53 AM
No, I don't think thatbat all. Your justbin a spot is all

Don't worry, bro. That's my opinion, not yours. ;)