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View Full Version : Judgemental aunt + accidental message...


Blondee
June 17th, 2017, 01:28 PM
So long story short, a mildly suggestive picture captioned "this is us omg" that I was meant to send to my boyfriend, ended up in my family group chat. Yeah, a disaster. This group chat contains my auntie and uncles and cousins on my mams side, and my mother, whom would be sort of conservative. Anyway, I was absolutely mortified and I'm someone who overthinks things a lot and works myself up into states over small things, and I got really upset about this and anxious and tried to play it off that my friend had taken my phone and "tried to mess with me". I thought people had bought it as my uncle seemed to play along with it, until my mother informed me that my auntie was "disgusted" at it and "there was no way her friend sent that in". I got really really upset over this again, and asked did she stick up for me and say that it really was my friend who did it, to which she replied that she'd said I didn't mean to send it in and told my auntie to just forget about it. I was so upset that she hadn't stuck up for me, and I got angry and told her I knew she wouldn't, because she tells my auntie everything about me. This is something that really gets to me, nothing is ever private or confidential between me and my mother, everything always goes back to my auntie, who I'm uncomfortable around and who i find quite judgmental. I'm so so embarrassed by this and I was starting to feel better about it and had moved on until my mother told me that my auntie was disgusted at me. She then tried to tell me to forget about it and that's it over and done with, which is completely ridiculous considering she had just dropped that bomb on me. I asked her again why she didn't stick up for me and she said "sure who'd believe that? Dyu really think this isn't a big deal?" I feel sick at the thoughts of this. This makes things worse as now I feel ashamed in front of my cousins who are all older than me too, and I'm afraid that no one believes me, and all over something so small. My auntie also doesn't like my boyfriend (at least didn't at the start) because she found out (off my mother) that we were having sex and said "how can you even let him inside the house again?", and convinced my mother for a bit to stop me from seeing him. She's extremely judgemental and I'm also 18 which gives her no right to be saying any of this about me. It was a stupid stupid thing I did but it was an accident, and these things happen, and the photo was of two people at the beach, it was slightly suggestive but nothing of a "pornographic nature"! I really don't know what to do, I'd love some advice and for someone to calm me down and guide me in the right direction.
PS: My family loves my boyfriend by the way, he's really really good to me and great with my younger siblings and my extended family and I love him so much, just in case the wrong impression was given!!

EvaNL
June 17th, 2017, 01:54 PM
Try to not let your aunt get to you. mentally!
She's completely out of line. She has no right to say anything about you. And you're 18, which means that you're an adult and your choices are yours alone.

I would just ignore the aunt. Sounds like she's been a pain in the behind for quite a while already. If she visits your houses, try to go out of her way and if she speaks to you, answer with a uninterested "whatever".
Or confront her and tell her to keep her thoughts to herself and that she should keep her nose out of your life.

The fact that the rest of the family loves your bf shows already that your aunt is at fault here.

lolaa
June 17th, 2017, 05:49 PM
I've been through something similar a lot of times cause i'm dumb and clumsy like that (but thankfully not with my relatives) and i've learned that people will just go with your flow
it might seem weird but that just how it is , i overthink stuff too and go dramatic at simple things and voluntarily give myself a hard time which is just wrong .
look at the big picture , no one will ever know the real truth i mean your uncle bought it, for all you know everyone but your aunt bought it too and no one actually cares in the end , if you ended up being cool about it and forgot, your family probably did to . your mother is your mother so it's normal for her to act that way. but when you start ignoring it or forgetting it or even accepting it and moving on , they will do the same . if you over react to it , they will do the same .
i hope i helped .
edit: and getting mad about how your mother didn't defend you or can't keep private matters between you two is something you should calmly talk about with her. every time i got mad at my mother at this exact problem so she'd realize how much this means to me she'd just view this as me acting up or something like that so i decided to calmly talk to her and to just explain how uncomfortable this makes me , then she took it seriously and really stopped.

It was a stupid stupid thing I did but it was an accident, and these things happen,

i'd like you to actually look at the photo you sent and take your time at it cause from what you said it was NOT A BIG DEAL , you are probably the only one thinking about it this much . if you're like me you're probably wondering what they think of you which is no different from how they thought of you before you sent that picture.

Chaosphere
June 19th, 2017, 01:09 AM
So long story short, a mildly suggestive picture captioned "this is us omg" that I was meant to send to my boyfriend, ended up in my family group chat. Yeah, a disaster. This group chat contains my auntie and uncles and cousins on my mams side, and my mother, whom would be sort of conservative. Anyway, I was absolutely mortified and I'm someone who overthinks things a lot and works myself up into states over small things, and I got really upset about this and anxious and tried to play it off that my friend had taken my phone and "tried to mess with me". I thought people had bought it as my uncle seemed to play along with it, until my mother informed me that my auntie was "disgusted" at it and "there was no way her friend sent that in". I got really really upset over this again, and asked did she stick up for me and say that it really was my friend who did it, to which she replied that she'd said I didn't mean to send it in and told my auntie to just forget about it. I was so upset that she hadn't stuck up for me, and I got angry and told her I knew she wouldn't, because she tells my auntie everything about me. This is something that really gets to me, nothing is ever private or confidential between me and my mother, everything always goes back to my auntie, who I'm uncomfortable around and who i find quite judgmental. I'm so so embarrassed by this and I was starting to feel better about it and had moved on until my mother told me that my auntie was disgusted at me. She then tried to tell me to forget about it and that's it over and done with, which is completely ridiculous considering she had just dropped that bomb on me. I asked her again why she didn't stick up for me and she said "sure who'd believe that? Dyu really think this isn't a big deal?" I feel sick at the thoughts of this. This makes things worse as now I feel ashamed in front of my cousins who are all older than me too, and I'm afraid that no one believes me, and all over something so small. My auntie also doesn't like my boyfriend (at least didn't at the start) because she found out (off my mother) that we were having sex and said "how can you even let him inside the house again?", and convinced my mother for a bit to stop me from seeing him. She's extremely judgemental and I'm also 18 which gives her no right to be saying any of this about me. It was a stupid stupid thing I did but it was an accident, and these things happen, and the photo was of two people at the beach, it was slightly suggestive but nothing of a "pornographic nature"! I really don't know what to do, I'd love some advice and for someone to calm me down and guide me in the right direction.
PS: My family loves my boyfriend by the way, he's really really good to me and great with my younger siblings and my extended family and I love him so much, just in case the wrong impression was given!!
Others here have supported the same thing I'm about to say, but I still think it's necessary. You need to cut people like that out of your life. They're only hurting you, and not only directly, but she sounds arrogant enough to try to tell other people what to think of you, which is uncalled for. You have every right to communicate with your boyfriend however you choose, especially since you are of age. Your aunt is of no consequence, treat her as such. Her impact on you will be minimized if you realize she can make no impact. Some people can never be made happy, especially if your boyfriend is as great as you say, and she still doesn't like him. I would cut ties with her as much as you can. Some relationships aren't worth saving.