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View Full Version : Requesting some form of advice for recognizing behaviour in others.


Shouetsu
June 5th, 2017, 04:10 PM
Heya. I'm going to try to not sound too pathetic here. haha


Stupid as it sounds, I'm having some trouble recognizing who I'm friends (or on neutral terms) with. I'm not asking if x person is a true friend or not. I just need a bit of advice, that's all.

You know that situation, (wether you've been in one or not) where you're talking/hanging out with one or more people, you're having an alright time but in the middle of the conversation it hits you, was this person laughing with,
or at me? I'll be honest. I can't damn take it when people go around acting like they're better than someone else. It's disgusting.

Sorry, i got a bit off-topic there. Anyway, since i am a guy, it's very common for us to make jokes about eachother. For example: I don't know how it is in the rest of the world, but at least where i live, being sarcastic amog other guys (that you don't personally know) is a lot more common than being serious. That makes it really hard to recongnize people that you don't know too well's opinion of you since it's so sarcasm is so commonly used.

I was pretty good friends with this guy at school when i was 12-14. Later realized the people he always hung out with are generally rude and just not my type of crowd, decided to stop talking to him. Flash forward a few years and i realized that he is now best friends with some of my old friends. (that i particularly don't like if that makes any difference)

At first, i thought What, is this some kind of sick joke? Are you making fun of me for the fact that i don't have a lot of friends? But that's surely not the case. Logically thinking, the chances of those guys getting together is high due to their matching personalities and so on.

That's when stuff got even worse. My cousin, whom i don't know very well. I dunno, we were always awkward and never really talked much. Recently got together with a girl my age. (My cousin is about 3 years older than me) Of course, there's not a thing in the world that could make me care about the fact that he's dating someone that is 3~ years younger than himself. Sure, might be kinda unusual but there's no real reason to care. Anyway, the guy from my class while we were 12-14 years old? Yeah, my cousin's girlfriend IS a part of the gang that he always used to hang out with back in grade school. I know, this is a very irrational way of thinking, but everything just ties back to him. First, literally 80% of my friends (at the time) from our city, is now best friends with him. And now, my cousin is together with one of his friends? I've honestly mostly thought of my cousin as a cool guy, but this is ridiculous.

The fact that he kept screwing with me back at age 15-16~ (we're now 17.) doesn't really improve my opinion of him. (dunno if he had serious intentions or was just playing around with me, either way, it was plain rude.) But now, he has the damn audacity to suddenly send a friend request to me on social media? Does he think I'm a loser, like i think he does, or does he genuinely want to be friends? Aagh! All this thinking is melting my brain.. I just don't understand people.
but then again, it was a facebook request, and we all know the kind of people that sit there with 600+ friends on their account that honestly believe the ammount of friends you have on facebook mean anything at all. But that doesn't change the fact that i don't understand people at all sometimes.

But who knows.. i might be just overthinking everything. Damn. Sigh..

I'll be honest, this feeling is killing me. It would be greatly appreciated if someone would be able to talk about it. I'd like to elaborate a bit.


Oh and you'll have to excuse this mess i call a thread. Explaining this kinda stuff over the internet to complete strangers is difficult. Thanks in advance. Oh and, sorry if i came off as rude in this post. I'm working on it.

Just JT
June 5th, 2017, 08:11 PM
That's how guys mess around with each other.
That's also how guys let you know they don't think that much of you
Easy thing to do is say hey how about me and you do "whatever" sometime. Just the two of ya. His reaction/followthrough will answer your question

Chaosphere
June 6th, 2017, 11:39 PM
Heya. I'm going to try to not sound too pathetic here. haha


Stupid as it sounds, I'm having some trouble recognizing who I'm friends (or on neutral terms) with. I'm not asking if x person is a true friend or not. I just need a bit of advice, that's all.

You know that situation, (wether you've been in one or not) where you're talking/hanging out with one or more people, you're having an alright time but in the middle of the conversation it hits you, was this person laughing with,
or at me? I'll be honest. I can't damn take it when people go around acting like they're better than someone else. It's disgusting.

Sorry, i got a bit off-topic there. Anyway, since i am a guy, it's very common for us to make jokes about eachother. For example: I don't know how it is in the rest of the world, but at least where i live, being sarcastic amog other guys (that you don't personally know) is a lot more common than being serious. That makes it really hard to recongnize people that you don't know too well's opinion of you since it's so sarcasm is so commonly used.

I was pretty good friends with this guy at school when i was 12-14. Later realized the people he always hung out with are generally rude and just not my type of crowd, decided to stop talking to him. Flash forward a few years and i realized that he is now best friends with some of my old friends. (that i particularly don't like if that makes any difference)

At first, i thought What, is this some kind of sick joke? Are you making fun of me for the fact that i don't have a lot of friends? But that's surely not the case. Logically thinking, the chances of those guys getting together is high due to their matching personalities and so on.

That's when stuff got even worse. My cousin, whom i don't know very well. I dunno, we were always awkward and never really talked much. Recently got together with a girl my age. (My cousin is about 3 years older than me) Of course, there's not a thing in the world that could make me care about the fact that he's dating someone that is 3~ years younger than himself. Sure, might be kinda unusual but there's no real reason to care. Anyway, the guy from my class while we were 12-14 years old? Yeah, my cousin's girlfriend IS a part of the gang that he always used to hang out with back in grade school. I know, this is a very irrational way of thinking, but everything just ties back to him. First, literally 80% of my friends (at the time) from our city, is now best friends with him. And now, my cousin is together with one of his friends? I've honestly mostly thought of my cousin as a cool guy, but this is ridiculous.

The fact that he kept screwing with me back at age 15-16~ (we're now 17.) doesn't really improve my opinion of him. (dunno if he had serious intentions or was just playing around with me, either way, it was plain rude.) But now, he has the damn audacity to suddenly send a friend request to me on social media? Does he think I'm a loser, like i think he does, or does he genuinely want to be friends? Aagh! All this thinking is melting my brain.. I just don't understand people.
but then again, it was a facebook request, and we all know the kind of people that sit there with 600+ friends on their account that honestly believe the ammount of friends you have on facebook mean anything at all. But that doesn't change the fact that i don't understand people at all sometimes.

But who knows.. i might be just overthinking everything. Damn. Sigh..

I'll be honest, this feeling is killing me. It would be greatly appreciated if someone would be able to talk about it. I'd like to elaborate a bit.


Oh and you'll have to excuse this mess i call a thread. Explaining this kinda stuff over the internet to complete strangers is difficult. Thanks in advance. Oh and, sorry if i came off as rude in this post. I'm working on it.
I don't think he's trying to mess with you by hanging out in some of the same circles as you. I've had experience with a couple of guys who were pricks, then given time, they were quite a bit nicer. It didn't make me more likely to hang out with them, but still. Because he's causing you some amount of strife, I would simply remove him from your life as much as is practical, just so you don't have to deal with this conundrum.

Uniquemind
June 7th, 2017, 12:50 PM
The wiser thing to do would be not to cut him out of your life entirely but to put distance between yourself and him.

That way politically you don't have to write him off as a friend but you don't have to be close either, making you more susceptible to his sphere of influence.

However if he crosses a big line and harassed you to the point of public humiliation or property damage (to your car, a toy, sports gear, bikes), then that's a situation where you can have cause to cut him out of your life entirely.

Guys also behave differently towards girls too, especially girls they like, so since you are talking about a male to male friendship, the culture is different and guys are just more direct with guys than they are with girls generally speaking. They're crass and sometimes passive or even directly aggressive when they perceive competition for glory, money, and romance or even just sex.