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sargam
June 3rd, 2017, 02:22 AM
I have been having safe sex with my boyfriend since last two years.

Sex has never effected my grades in school however before examination nights however my boyfriend is busy studying and stays away from sex as he says it hampers his concentration.


But for me sex is stress buster and helps me relax. I usually take a power nap after having sex and then resume my studies and I have noticed that it helps me a lot to take such breaks.

I recently called my boyfriend's best friend and had sex with him before exam night to help me calm down. He said he is helping me out as a friend as he already has a girlfriend.

Should I confess to my BF the truth as he might not take it well and may have fight with his best friend.

Bmble_B
June 3rd, 2017, 07:00 AM
Yeah you should tell him honestly. If you explain it as just being sex, there's a slim chance of him maybe not getting as upset.

ShineintheDark
June 3rd, 2017, 08:34 AM
Well you've certainly got yourself into a pickle. Just explain the truth to him and on't lie, it's the best chance of him not being upset or at least being less upset.

refrigeratorx
June 3rd, 2017, 08:36 AM
You have to tell. If you're on a board like this asking what to do you must be feeling some kind of guilt. It is only gonna get worse. Come clean and hope he will accept and understand

kimmykim
June 3rd, 2017, 08:38 AM
honesty is best or things might get worse/more complicated

Uniquemind
June 3rd, 2017, 02:02 PM
Can't you just obtain the orgasm and restful nap without involving another human?

It sounds like a physiological response you need.


This will probably not end well with your boyfriend in my opinion, get yourself checked out STI and STI wise too.

Jordanchill
June 3rd, 2017, 08:42 PM
To be honest, you really messed up here. I really think that you not only severly harmed your relationship, but have also ruined the relationship between your boyfriend and his best friend. Sleeping with a person your bf does'nt know would hurt him, but sleeping with his 'best friend' will probably destroy him. Two people he loves and trust have both betrayed him at once. I really don't see any good coming out of this situation. The appropiate thing to do would be to tell your bf what happened and to get tested for stds as to avoid spreading anything to other people, especially your (assuming to be) faithful bf. I understand that both of you have different feelings about sex before exams and studying, but that does not make it ok to cheat on your bf for your own benefit. I don't see why you could not have released your sexual needs yourself.

sargam
June 5th, 2017, 04:08 AM
Can't you just obtain the orgasm and restful nap without involving another human?


This will probably not end well with your boyfriend in my opinion, get yourself checked out STI and STI wise too.

The appropiate thing to do would be to tell your bf what happened and to get tested for stds as to avoid spreading anything to other people, especially your (assuming to be) faithful bf. I understand that both of you have different feelings about sex before exams and studying, but that does not make it ok to cheat on your bf for your own benefit. I don't see why you could not have released your sexual needs yourself.


Thanks for the response , I dont have any STDs as I always make my partners use protection.

Secondly its feels good to to be with a guy rather than self gratification.:wub:

SethfromMI
June 5th, 2017, 06:30 AM
I got to be honest when I found out my gf of over two years cheated on me, I broke up with her the second I found out. I had lots of opportunities to do what she did, even if it was "just sex" but I didn't because I was in a relationship. I didn't do it because I loved her.

should you tell? maybe so regardless if he dumps you or not. I know I would want to know. maybe he won't care, maybe it will not end so good. but he has the right to know regardless.

City Kid
June 5th, 2017, 07:29 AM
Teen Sexuality and Gender :arrow: Relationships and Dating

mick01
June 5th, 2017, 09:44 AM
It was not a cool thing to do for either you or your bf's best friend. So both of you betrayed him by having sex behind his back. You need to be honest and tell him what you did and with who you did it. I don't think he'd want anything to do with either of you.

ClaraWho
June 7th, 2017, 06:53 PM
Damn, you stooped LOW.

I'm self-censoring like heck here to make sure this message doesn't get me moderated, but let's just say the claws are out.

Because your boyfriend wanted to get good grades, after 2 years of a relationship he put sex on hold. Exams don't last forever, how long were you dying of drought from lack of sex, a few weeks?

So you clearly were using him just for sex, as the second he looked out for his own needs, you cheat on him and ruin the long-term relationship. Not only that, you destroy his best friendship. You help his best friend cheat on his own girlfriend. And you contribute to their relationship now probably ending too.

As a consequence of you not just waiting, you have now eviscerated 3 long-term relationships for a 5 minute meaningless shag.

Now maybe I'm being harsh and you have a medically diagnosable addiction to sex or other condition, if so I apologise and you should seek help. If not then you have no excuse.

You realise that napping itself boosts productivity and relaxes you? You may have entirely conflated sex and sleep into the same equation when sex plays no part. As others have suggested, you could easily have used a sex toy for a week.

Were you angry he denied you sex? Is that why you chose his best friend over say, a stranger?

There's a condition I can't mention on here as moderators mistake it for an insult, but do VM me to know more, it could very well apply here.

As for STI's, condoms aren't 100% prevention so it is still worthwhile getting tested. I guarantee if his best friend cheated with you, you are one girl in a long-line of casual sex. Think of how easy it was to persuade him.

Should you confess? Yes. Should your boyfriend leave you? Hell Yes! If he has been faithful, which we are all assuming here, then he deserves far better.

Just make sure you learn something from the mess you've created.

~ Clara

Emilyyy
June 8th, 2017, 09:43 AM
Hmm, I definitely think you need to tell him, you don't need me to tell you this is something pretty serious to do to someone. Just tell him what you did and why you did it and hope he understands, it's all you can do.

TheLivingLie
June 10th, 2017, 05:56 PM
I would firstly suggest talking to the guy u had sex with, cause anything u do will affect him two.
Secondly, u have to tell your boyfriend, otherwise u will be living wit this lie forever and will never feel comfortable.
However, my third and final suggestion would be to wait until your exams are over, as u don't want the stress of a POTENTIAL break up (it might not happen but it could) to fuck up your, his or anyone else's grades

And don't look back on the incident too much, it was probably an impulsive mistake that u must make sure never happens again, but it happened and u can't change it just learn from it

Good luck tho, I give your relationship a 6% chance of survival

Just JT
June 10th, 2017, 06:03 PM
Sorry, on on the same train here. You fucked up. You been with a guy for 2 years then hooked up with his best bro?
You probably wrecked several friendships
If this was an open relationship and talked about and agreed on before hand, that's different

This is like the one thing you don't ask for and beg for forgiveness. It's a given. Now it's time to fess up and be honest with him. It's only fair.

sargam
June 15th, 2017, 02:53 AM
Damn, you stooped LOW.

I'm self-censoring like heck here to make sure this message doesn't get me moderated, but let's just say the claws are out.


Hi thanks Clara for your inputs. I agree that i messed up as many have suggested but fulfilling basic needs of life like sex is not stooping low. Especially when your your boyfriend is ignoring you continuously stating exams as reason.

As a girl you will understand how important it is to get a hug when you really need someone close to you.


Because your boyfriend wanted to get good grades, after 2 years of a relationship he put sex on hold. Exams don't last forever, how long were you dying of drought from lack of sex, a few weeks?


Well to tell you the truth the drought was for approximately 3 months as I did not want to disturb his studies as I know that unlike me he needs full concentration for his studies.

So you clearly were using him just for sex, as the second he looked out for his own needs, you cheat on him and ruin the long-term relationship. Not only that, you destroy his best friendship. You help his best friend cheat on his own girlfriend. And you contribute to their relationship now probably ending too.

I never used my boyfriend for sex as he was the one who initiated sex in the beginning of our relationship . Although it was consensual , I would have waited a few years more. Also as mentioned in my original post Sex is a stress buster for me and I sometimes need it to just relax.


My boyfriend's best friend was having having a rough day too and so we just did it in the moment. He has not told his girlfriend about it and they are normal and I want it to remain that way.


As a consequence of you not just waiting, you have now eviscerated 3 long-term relationships for a 5 minute meaningless shag.

Its not meaningless if the purpose is solved

Were you angry he denied you sex? Is that why you chose his best friend over say, a stranger?

Its not revenge sex as said earlier it was just to get it out of my system and he happened to be there having had a bad day.


I guarantee if his best friend cheated with you, you are one girl in a long-line of casual sex. Think of how easy it was to persuade him.

My boyfriend's friend is a sweet guy and i dont know if he has a long line of casual sex but he loves his gf and for him that day never happened and is out of records for his girlfriend

ClaraWho
June 15th, 2017, 01:33 PM
Damn, you stooped LOW.

I'm self-censoring like heck here to make sure this message doesn't get me moderated, but let's just say the claws are out.


Hi thanks Clara for your inputs. I agree that i messed up as many have suggested but fulfilling basic needs of life like sex is not stooping low. Especially when your your boyfriend is ignoring you continuously stating exams as reason.

As a girl you will understand how important it is to get a hug when you really need someone close to you.


Because your boyfriend wanted to get good grades, after 2 years of a relationship he put sex on hold. Exams don't last forever, how long were you dying of drought from lack of sex, a few weeks?


Well to tell you the truth the drought was for approximately 3 months as I did not want to disturb his studies as I know that unlike me he needs full concentration for his studies.

So you clearly were using him just for sex, as the second he looked out for his own needs, you cheat on him and ruin the long-term relationship. Not only that, you destroy his best friendship. You help his best friend cheat on his own girlfriend. And you contribute to their relationship now probably ending too.

I never used my boyfriend for sex as he was the one who initiated sex in the beginning of our relationship . Although it was consensual , I would have waited a few years more. Also as mentioned in my original post Sex is a stress buster for me and I sometimes need it to just relax.


My boyfriend's best friend was having having a rough day too and so we just did it in the moment. He has not told his girlfriend about it and they are normal and I want it to remain that way.


As a consequence of you not just waiting, you have now eviscerated 3 long-term relationships for a 5 minute meaningless shag.

Its not meaningless if the purpose is solved

Were you angry he denied you sex? Is that why you chose his best friend over say, a stranger?

Its not revenge sex as said earlier it was just to get it out of my system and he happened to be there having had a bad day.


I guarantee if his best friend cheated with you, you are one girl in a long-line of casual sex. Think of how easy it was to persuade him.

My boyfriend's friend is a sweet guy and i dont know if he has a long line of casual sex but he loves his gf and for him that day never happened and is out of records for his girlfriend

Well, you could have replied to any other comment here as they all disagree with your attempted reasoning.

Why did you ask this question?

That is clearly what you need to honestly ask yourself. You seem to want to be told that a) what you did was remotely acceptable (it wasn't), and that b) you don't have to tell anyone (you should).

Saying 'I know I messed up' before spending the next 10 paragraphs trying to justify and excuse your behaviour, trivialise and dismiss it, shows you DON'T know.

It might be worth exploring mental health issues such as narcissistic personality disorder or psychopathy scales, as the way you justify and describe your relationship would suggest areas of different thought processes. I am no expert though, so do with that what you will. However you seem to lack the emotional capacity for understanding and empathising, and to reduce relationships to a simple physical transaction without attachment. Which is, as I say, different to how most people would view a committed long-term relationship. You are also dismissive of consequences to your actions, have an inability to learn from mistakes too, which are hallmarks of both conditions.

To the mods I would like to point out the above terms are meant in a medical and mature context, not as insults to the OP, so that they may choose to explore Counselling should they so choose.

~ Clara

Harrier
June 20th, 2017, 07:35 PM
Most people "could" have sex with others outside their partners (aka cheat). I know I could. But I know how much it would hurt my gf and I know that if she found out that she would dump me likely.

Your bf is partly in the wrong too. Not really morally but abstain from sex just bc of school? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of. Sex doesn't affect schoolwork. You guys should've worked something out imo.

sargam
July 17th, 2017, 02:15 PM
Most people "could" have sex with others outside their partners (aka cheat). I know I could. But I know how much it would hurt my gf and I know that if she found out that she would dump me likely.

Your bf is partly in the wrong too. Not really morally but abstain from sex just bc of school? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of. Sex doesn't affect schoolwork. You guys should've worked something out imo.

I am glad you agree that study should never hinder sex life

Coolteenboy
July 17th, 2017, 03:44 PM
I can only say what ied do if my gf told me something like this.
Its harsh, and not what u wanna hear tho.

"give me back my stuffed panda and get the hell away from me!"

Orange Kenny
July 17th, 2017, 05:22 PM
There isn't a reason behind everything. Not everything a person does is a result of a thorough logical process. There's a teeny tiny thing in man called impulse.
I'd swear all the Freud wannabes here calling you a psychopath and urging you to check your "mental health", they would know about impulse. Philosophy, PhD's, scientific knowledge, all for nothing; *sigh* what a shame.

[/Sarcasm off]

You had sex with your boyfriend's best friend. Not because you love him or anything, or prefer him as a boyfriend/lover. Nothing like that.
You had sex with him because you felt like it in that moment. So far so good.
BUT, that doesn't mean it's not a horrible thing, so what you have to do now is tell him. There's no other option. There is no point in trying to justify yourself, simply because it wasn't an act of reason, but rather, an act of pure, sexual, instinctive passion. Passion is the opposite of reason. Impulse is no logical procedure. An urge is neither good or bad. An urge is an urge.

But, urges have consequences that we have to pay, and, in your case, that would be telling your boyfriend, thus risking him dumbing you. It's the price you have to pay.
If you don't come out in the open, and do so without further delay, then you'll be exactly the kind of person everybody in this thread think you are.

Good luck.

Harrier
July 18th, 2017, 03:01 PM
I am glad you agree that study should never hinder sex life

Ya that's pretty dumb imo that your bf thinks sex hurts his focus. Did he ever find out that you had sex with his friend?

sargam
August 30th, 2017, 07:06 AM
I recently made my BF and his friend sit together and confessed to my BF that I had sex with his friend.

My BF got angry and has broken friendship with him , but he said he forgave me.

Should I be worried since he is acting cool with me and is angry with his friend. ?

Akksksosppapapwpee
August 30th, 2017, 05:27 PM
Wow you really messed up. You should tell him. I am Like really shocked right now. I recently broke up with someone because of a form of cheating so thats probably why I'm so shocked. But just try and fix everything

I recently made my BF and his friend sit together and confessed to my BF that I had sex with his friend.

My BF got angry and has broken friendship with him , but he said he forgave me.

Should I be worried since he is acting cool with me and is angry with his friend. ?
Just be happt that he forgave you. He probably forgave you because he loves you


Double posts merged, please edit next time. ~Endeavour

NewLeafsFan
August 30th, 2017, 10:22 PM
What you did was totally rotten and you know it. If you didn't know it you would have happily told your boyfriend about it instead of posting about it hoping everyone would try to make you feel better. And to add the cherry on top, you're actually trying to justify it to yourself by saying you needed sex to study. Masturbate if you needed an orgasm that badly.

And I'm glad you told him. He deserves to know that he's dating a cheater. He is kind to forgive you. Don't ever let him go. He's a very special guy. I hope for his sake that he has more confidence than this situation implies.

Kory123
September 15th, 2017, 05:30 PM
Try this: Put yourself in his shoes. You are in a relationship and you like sex but you know your priorities, so you have yourself put it on break so you can make sure your education is well atm, your parter ends up doing your best friend, how would you feel?

PinkFloyd
September 15th, 2017, 05:50 PM
Oh, back when I was having steady sex, my gf at the time and I would have sex say before we had work (made work better) and yeah, also before like finals week because it eased stress.

Just JT
September 15th, 2017, 09:46 PM
I recently made my BF and his friend sit together and confessed to my BF that I had sex with his friend.

My BF got angry and has broken friendship with him , but he said he forgave me.

Should I be worried since he is acting cool with me and is angry with his friend. ?

Not judging, but that somehow did what to who's relationship?

AussieNicholas
September 16th, 2017, 04:32 AM
I think you're extremely lucky that your boyfriend has forgiven you for this. I think it is odd that he doesn't seem to hold it against you even for a short time. If you're not sure, then I think you need to talk to him about this. After something like this, I think it's impossible for at least some trust not to be lost, and it's up to both of you to do everything you can to rebuild trust in each other. That means being completely open to one another, in my opinion.

I also just want to state that I'm not judging you here as a person. I think you made a bad decision by cheating on him, but I've never been in a relationship myself so as much as I like to claim I wouldn't do it, I won't claim to be 100% certain of what I'd do. Just don't waste your second chance with him if you truly do have it, because relationships like the one you describe don't come around for everyone.

Bridlemaple1
September 17th, 2017, 11:29 AM
You done messed up.

A friend I used to know cheated on multiple people; including with her best friend's boyfriend. She was also pretty manipulative and somewhat apathetic when it came to the consequences. She had unresolved personal issues and insecurities that lead her to continuously damage those close to her.

The end result was a massive fall out and I no longer talk to her.

I'm not comparing you to this person but it's all the life experience I have on this topic.
And from that I realised that cheating itself is really just a symptom of a deeper problem, I suggest you find what that deeper problem(s) are and fix it.

Hermes
September 20th, 2017, 10:41 AM
On the original question, about sex and exams, I am not a fan of turning your life upside down to study for exams. Revision is supposed to be just that, not trying to learn things you never understood in the first place. If you pay attention when you're learning the stuff the first time around, and ask about anything you don't understand, revision doesn't have to be a super-human effort.

Also, as a guy, I have never found getting off whether solo or with my g/f to have a negative effect on my concentration - in fact I am better able to concentrate when I am not horny.

On the other hand, if your b/f has chosen not to meet when he is revising, maybe it is not so much about sex as about the fact that once you are together no revision is likely to happen because you will be paying attention to each other even when not "doing it".

As for the "need" to have sex, admittedly I am guy rather than a girl but I find if I am horny that is relieved by cumming however that happens. Sure, there is an extra emotional dimension making love to someone you love but while it maybe temping to seek out a substitute to give you that, I can't see how doing so would fulfil that. In fact it is more likely to leave you feeling guilty which is perhaps why you have posted here.

If you are in a long term relationship there will bound to be times when external circumstances mean you can't be together because one of you has to turn his or her attention to something else important. One of the differences between a relationship and a fling is being able to weather out those times.

markus98
September 22nd, 2017, 07:25 AM
Definitely you should tell him. He will understand.