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View Full Version : No effort whatsoever


GoGoDiego
June 1st, 2017, 09:41 AM
I have a friend whom I met 2 years ago (we will call him Niko). We enjoyed fun times together during these two years, yet I feel there is something missing: effort. I am the only one always reaching out and making plans and initiates conversations (especially in Messenger). He does not reach out and rarely start conversations (but does not in Messenger). Yet he reaches out to my other close friends. I addressed this problem to him 2 weeks ago and he admitted it. He told me: "I admit that I am usually the silent one and I do not engage. I will try to put an effort but if you do not want to be friends with me, go ahead. It is your loss if you do that, not mine"

Should I gradually sever my friendship with Niko? I have been thinking of doing that, yet I do not want to do it because we really treat each other as bros.

refrigeratorx
June 1st, 2017, 09:45 AM
This seems like a good time for a test. Friendships are a two way street. I think that you should lay off and take a step back for a week or so and see if he messages u or tries to talk to you or spend time with you. If he doesn't, it's exhausting to take care of a whole friendship on your own and I'm sure there are plenty of people who DO reach out and want to spend time with you. Maybe then it's time to stop making all the effort.

mick01
June 1st, 2017, 10:24 AM
You say that you treat each other as bros, but then he says it would be your loss, not his, if you decided not to be friends with him. That's really not how bros treat each other. He is saying to you that losing you would not be a loss for him. And he admits he doesn't reach out to you. This seems like an easy decision to me.

nicktheman2003
June 1st, 2017, 11:29 PM
You say that you treat each other as bros, but then he says it would be your loss, not his, if you decided not to be friends with him. That's really not how bros treat each other. He is saying to you that losing you would not be a loss for him. And he admits he doesn't reach out to you. This seems like an easy decision to me.

I agree 100%.

Chaosphere
June 4th, 2017, 11:19 PM
I have a friend whom I met 2 years ago (we will call him Niko). We enjoyed fun times together during these two years, yet I feel there is something missing: effort. I am the only one always reaching out and making plans and initiates conversations (especially in Messenger). He does not reach out and rarely start conversations (but does not in Messenger). Yet he reaches out to my other close friends. I addressed this problem to him 2 weeks ago and he admitted it. He told me: "I admit that I am usually the silent one and I do not engage. I will try to put an effort but if you do not want to be friends with me, go ahead. It is your loss if you do that, not mine"

Should I gradually sever my friendship with Niko? I have been thinking of doing that, yet I do not want to do it because we really treat each other as bros.
I have the same problem with a great number of people, and I can empathize with you, it's tiring.
Without knowing a little more of your relationship dynamic, I can't really give you flawless advice, and I'll have to go off some assumptions, but I'll try.
How is your relationship in person? If it's good, then I would consider staying fiends, but you obviously have reasons to want to cut ties. That quote of his you used sounded kind of bratty, and he's basically saying, "if you don't like me being distant and aloof, you shouldn't be my friend and it'll be your loss."
I find it to be the opposite of losing to distance myself from people who say things like that. People who put equal effort into a relationship are difficult to find, but worth the trouble.
From what you've said, I'd probably avoid confronting him directly, and just let the relationship fade into the background. Hope that helps.

SethfromMI
June 5th, 2017, 06:34 AM
You say that you treat each other as bros, but then he says it would be your loss, not his, if you decided not to be friends with him. That's really not how bros treat each other. He is saying to you that losing you would not be a loss for him. And he admits he doesn't reach out to you. This seems like an easy decision to me.

hit the nail on the head. so OP, if you want to continue trying, I completely understand and go for it. but it may also be time to be investing in friends who are going to invest in you back.

Shouetsu
June 5th, 2017, 04:37 PM
I can relate to your situation so bad. Take my advice, no matter how good of friends you two are, if somone has that attitude towards something that is described as being bros then you don't owe this guy a single thing. I'm not saying you should hate this person from now on, no, not at at all. (even if i think he's being a huge dick.) But you really shouldn't feel an obligation to treat him as a friend if that's the what he thinks of your relationship.

Just JT
June 5th, 2017, 08:07 PM
You obviously feel/know how he treats you isn't how you want or feel is mutual. As anynfriemdship should be. No "friendship" should ever be all one person putting in.

From what you said, and hate to say it but I don't think he Karen one way or another if you are in his life in any way. He's just not being human enough to be kind or let you know how he feels in a respectable proper fashion

I'd move on with your life

Aldee
June 10th, 2017, 02:05 AM
I would say stick with your friend for a while and see what happens. Talk to him if there's something your friend is doing that's bothering you. If you feel like the friendship is gone after talking to him, then think about severing ties.