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View Full Version : Please help, I don't know what to do or think!


jrrn
May 28th, 2017, 07:50 PM
Hey guys! I really need some advice. So me and my boyfriend have been together for almost a year and a half now, and we both love each other a lot. We have talked about the future and whatnot, I can't imagine myself with anyone else. He trusts me and I did trust him... So recently, he had exams and a lot of revision to do so he was studying a lot in the library. He met up with friends most of the time to study together as he told me (guy friends), and I 'kinda' made a joke about him secretly studying with a girl and if he would tell me. (I wouldn't say I am the 'jealous type' I'd just say I'm territorial and protective.) He said he would if I asked. I told him I wouldn't really be comfortable with that idea and asked if he could just tell me. He agreed. And so the other day, I saw him messaging another girl, and I'm completely fine with him having girl friends btw, we always ask each other who we're texting and so when I asked him, he was like 'this girl from my class, she just asked me what I got for my essay'. He was acting a bit weird about it and I didn't want to think anything of it but he's never really acted like this before, like he was hiding something? Then today I was over at his house and he went out to go to the gym for a couple hours, so he let me use his laptop to entertain myself whilst he was gone. I decided to check my Facebook, but turns out he was still logged on. And you've probably guessed what I did already and I feel so so awful for it and didn't mean to at all but the button was just there. I checked his messages. I looked at the conversation he had with the girl who 'asked him about his essay'. Turns out, they've been messaging back and forth for a couple months or so and he was asking her if she wanted to study together in the library, arranging to meet up and stuff. I mean I don't have anything against that but it was the fact that he lied to me. I saw that he also met up with her quite a few times. The way they were talking seemed not exactly flirty I guess, but a little too many jokes, and I remember a message he sent saying 'aww you broke my heart 😂' meaning it as a joke it seems, when she said she couldn't meet up with him one time. I just don't understand why he would initiate to meet with her everytime- yes everytime (she was never the one to ask?) when he could just meet with his other mates? Or even as a group? But alone with her? And I know it's wrong to read his messages like that, but what's done has been done and I can't ignore it. He even messaged her 'hoping to see you before you leave' as im guessing she lives outside of town from term time. So then I kind of asked him about it, I didn't say that I read his messages at all as I was scared of his reaction, and I also wanted to see if he would tell me the truth. So I somehow brought up the question of 'have you met with any girls alone for any reason whilst with me? Friendly or not, just be honest please.' And he said no. Straight to my face. The audacity to lie to me!! I thought he was a very honest guy, and he even has said the most important thing in a relationship to him is trust. So I don't get why he would lie?? I'm planning to confront him about it all- how I read his messages and everything. It's just that in a couple of days I planned a little roadtrip for us together, as I'm leaving for 3 months for an internship overseas. I don't want to ruin our trip as I planned it for a while now (and it was expensive and I can't cancel), but I also can't keep this in for too long.. should I just tell him now risking the fact that we might break up..? Or wait till after the trip and keep it in making it harder for myself? I really don't know what to do. I love him and always will, it's just that he has betrayed my trust. And for me trust is the most important thing in a relationship too. So I actually don't know if I can look past that personally (I know he didn't cheat, but still) and continue the relationship? Because for me , once someone breaks the trust, it is so hard to gain it back. And I know I'm a bit of a hypocrite as I checked his messages I guess so that broke his trust. But like I said I can't undo what I saw and I really don't know what to do or I'm just being a little too sensitive over the fact that he did this?? Please help ♥️

Abyssal Echo
May 28th, 2017, 08:37 PM
I dunno what to say.... from what you're saying he's talking and meeting with her.. hasn't done anything with her... still... he lied to you about the relationship with the girl in his class. then there's you reading his messages.... (I know you suspected something was up by the way he was acting) that wasn't right either.... to me both are a breach of trust. open honest communication leads to trust which is the basis/foundation to any solid relationship.... once the trust/foundation is gone the relationship is pretty much done.... is it fixable that's up to you and your boyfriend... imo it is... but it will take time and will never be what it was. It's up to you what you do about the road trip.... you can go and not say anything or use it to talk to him about the situation and see where things go from there.

IStayOnVT
May 29th, 2017, 12:03 AM
Hey guys! I really need some advice. So me and my boyfriend have been together for almost a year and a half now, and we both love each other a lot. We have talked about the future and whatnot, I can't imagine myself with anyone else. He trusts me and I did trust him... So recently, he had exams and a lot of revision to do so he was studying a lot in the library. He met up with friends most of the time to study together as he told me (guy friends), and I 'kinda' made a joke about him secretly studying with a girl and if he would tell me. (I wouldn't say I am the 'jealous type' I'd just say I'm territorial and protective.) He said he would if I asked. I told him I wouldn't really be comfortable with that idea and asked if he could just tell me. He agreed. And so the other day, I saw him messaging another girl, and I'm completely fine with him having girl friends btw, we always ask each other who we're texting and so when I asked him, he was like 'this girl from my class, she just asked me what I got for my essay'. He was acting a bit weird about it and I didn't want to think anything of it but he's never really acted like this before, like he was hiding something? Then today I was over at his house and he went out to go to the gym for a couple hours, so he let me use his laptop to entertain myself whilst he was gone. I decided to check my Facebook, but turns out he was still logged on. And you've probably guessed what I did already and I feel so so awful for it and didn't mean to at all but the button was just there. I checked his messages. I looked at the conversation he had with the girl who 'asked him about his essay'. Turns out, they've been messaging back and forth for a couple months or so and he was asking her if she wanted to study together in the library, arranging to meet up and stuff. I mean I don't have anything against that but it was the fact that he lied to me. I saw that he also met up with her quite a few times. The way they were talking seemed not exactly flirty I guess, but a little too many jokes, and I remember a message he sent saying 'aww you broke my heart 😂' meaning it as a joke it seems, when she said she couldn't meet up with him one time. I just don't understand why he would initiate to meet with her everytime- yes everytime (she was never the one to ask?) when he could just meet with his other mates? Or even as a group? But alone with her? And I know it's wrong to read his messages like that, but what's done has been done and I can't ignore it. He even messaged her 'hoping to see you before you leave' as im guessing she lives outside of town from term time. So then I kind of asked him about it, I didn't say that I read his messages at all as I was scared of his reaction, and I also wanted to see if he would tell me the truth. So I somehow brought up the question of 'have you met with any girls alone for any reason whilst with me? Friendly or not, just be honest please.' And he said no. Straight to my face. The audacity to lie to me!! I thought he was a very honest guy, and he even has said the most important thing in a relationship to him is trust. So I don't get why he would lie?? I'm planning to confront him about it all- how I read his messages and everything. It's just that in a couple of days I planned a little roadtrip for us together, as I'm leaving for 3 months for an internship overseas. I don't want to ruin our trip as I planned it for a while now (and it was expensive and I can't cancel), but I also can't keep this in for too long.. should I just tell him now risking the fact that we might break up..? Or wait till after the trip and keep it in making it harder for myself? I really don't know what to do. I love him and always will, it's just that he has betrayed my trust. And for me trust is the most important thing in a relationship too. So I actually don't know if I can look past that personally (I know he didn't cheat, but still) and continue the relationship? Because for me , once someone breaks the trust, it is so hard to gain it back. And I know I'm a bit of a hypocrite as I checked his messages I guess so that broke his trust. But like I said I can't undo what I saw and I really don't know what to do or I'm just being a little too sensitive over the fact that he did this?? Please help ♥️
I think he cheated on you.

lolaa
May 29th, 2017, 04:55 AM
alright honey , a lot of the things i might say could be wrong and all but i don't really care.
i want you to know everything you did was not wrong , reading his messages isn't wrong . personally i snoop around sometimes with everyone ! you leave your fb or any social media open right in front of me and expect me not to look around ??? yeah it's bad but you got something out of it .
i personally would've just packed my stuff and left after seeing those messages , you're right , why would he always be the first to suggest the meet up and only with her . it's very fishy , even if they didn't sleep together there's obviously something going on .
i got mad just reading your post i'm not gonna lie . just confront him and see where it goes . and i really don't think the relationship would last after this . You'll keep suspecting him and it'll just get messy

Emilyyy
May 31st, 2017, 01:21 PM
Hmm I always feel that if he can lie to you about one thing he can lie again and again. You don't really have a way of confronting him without letting him know you read his messages so I don't knew what you can do really. This is obviously going to break your trust, I'd be the same but you've got a situation now. If you just fess up to reading his FB he may Hyatt try and put some blame on you and say you've broken his trust too. I would just keep mentioning how you'd feel if you found out he'd been meeting girls behind your back and hope he at least realises you might know something.