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View Full Version : I can't talk to guys?


missghost
May 17th, 2017, 10:28 PM
I have never really had a great way of communicating with guys. Not sure if this has to due with past abuse, or if I am just an awkward person. Maybe both. Whenever a guy tries to talk to me I end up being quite rude and defensive on impulse. Sometimes, I actually am attracted to a guy and can't tell if they're just trying to be nice before I scare them off. I need advice on this. I really want to be able to have healthy interactions with guys, I just don't know how.

mick01
May 18th, 2017, 10:41 AM
You have to start with being more open and less rude/defensive. As long as your either of those, you're probably not going to attract many guys. It always helps to be smiling, it makes you approachable and you'll seem friendly.

ShineintheDark
May 18th, 2017, 12:15 PM
Just try and relax, remind yourself that these guys aren;t here to hurt you and take your time opening up to them. The more you ruish yourself to be more comfortable, the elss comfortable you'll be

Uniquemind
May 18th, 2017, 01:00 PM
I have never really had a great way of communicating with guys. Not sure if this has to due with past abuse, or if I am just an awkward person. Maybe both. Whenever a guy tries to talk to me I end up being quite rude and defensive on impulse. Sometimes, I actually am attracted to a guy and can't tell if they're just trying to be nice before I scare them off. I need advice on this. I really want to be able to have healthy interactions with guys, I just don't know how.

I read your other thread and definitely think there's a connection between the abuse you've experienced and your defense mechanism of being rude or standoffish with guys.

The wiring in your mind if you were to have a medical brain scan, probably has linked the concept "guys" with the concept of "what they want" and since your you have a very high level of emotion with an experience in what should have been a "trusted and safe male" your brain goes tense and you have that emotional reflex.






It might be PTSD specifically tied to this social context scenario. It's an trust issue you have with the opposite sex. You'll have to work though this either with a professional therapist and maybe some really close friends you don't mind getting really detailed about those traumatic memories and who can explore those emotional triggers and work you through them both in the past and in the present to then therefore shape your future.


Also, puberty probably made such a traumatic experience all that much more confusing to deal with at the age range you did, plus the mixed feelings of parents-in-name-only, only semi-fulfilling their duties (feelings of abandonment, yet wistful of a future that could have been had different choices been made by them).


I'll leave with this, despite the lexicon of the word "triggered" both as a cruel joke online and even in larger social-political discussions, there remains hope that the word itself implies hope that the "trigger" can be worn out and modified, like any button on a machine. It's just a matter of taking the machine apart and tweaking the "trigger".

To put it more simply: there's hope.

Matryoshkasystem
May 18th, 2017, 07:59 PM
Sounds like androphobia, the fear of men. It might help to get some therapy, If your not already. This is something that can be defeated, though you can't expect it to be rapidly done.

rioo
May 19th, 2017, 07:49 AM
You can start to give smile when someone approaching you, it will give positive energy.