PDA

View Full Version : What should I do?


MysticMarine
May 17th, 2017, 04:09 AM
I met this guy over the internet in the gaming world and we became quite good friends.. he's older than me and I'm younger and my voice isn't that deep yet so he thinks i'm a girl. We've been friends for 3/4 of a year now and I feel more and more regret and unhappiness everyday, I'm to nervous to tell him the truth and whats even worse is that he took a liking into me.

And I feel like the worst person ever falling into it and no i'm not in a relationship I hold back if he says anything to do with relationship but I feel awful for not telling him and being too much of a coward too!

Please give me some advice!

Just JT
May 17th, 2017, 04:19 AM
So you've talked with him some how?

MysticMarine
May 17th, 2017, 04:23 AM
So you've talked with him some how?

Over discord and I met him when i applied for staff on a server thing! (he's already staff)

Second Chance
May 17th, 2017, 06:47 AM
I met this guy over the internet in the gaming world and we became quite good friends.. he's older than me and I'm younger and my voice isn't that deep yet so he thinks i'm a girl. We've been friends for 3/4 of a year now and I feel more and more regret and unhappiness everyday, I'm to nervous to tell him the truth and whats even worse is that he took a liking into me.

And I feel like the worst person ever falling into it and no i'm not in a relationship I hold back if he says anything to do with relationship but I feel awful for not telling him and being too much of a coward too!

Please give me some advice!

You should be honest with the person because you never want to have a relationship based upon lies or deceit. It would have been far better to have been upfront with the person, but it is far better to be honest than to let things continue as it is especially if you are into puberty and your voice will be changing.

I would be careful about relationships online and going out with anyone who is much older than you. You have no idea who the other person is, and you have to protect yourself. Personally, I would just be friends with the person online and not go beyond that unless you can verify who the person is without a doubt. Beyond that, if the person is much older than you, then you can be friends, but it is not a good idea to get into a relationship with him/her.

MysticMarine
May 17th, 2017, 06:54 AM
You should be honest with the person because you never want to have a relationship based upon lies or deceit. It would have been far better to have been upfront with the person, but it is far better to be honest than to let things continue as it is especially if you are into puberty and your voice will be changing.

I would be careful about relationships online and going out with anyone who is much older than you. You have no idea who the other person is, and you have to protect yourself. Personally, I would just be friends with the person online and not go beyond that unless you can verify who the person is without a doubt. Beyond that, if the person is much older than you, then you can be friends, but it is not a good idea to get into a relationship with him/her.

I don't want to be in a relationship with this person that's why I always tried to change the topic, I am just finding it hard I wish i had not followed through in this path but another more truthful path I'm just so embarrassed by myself!

zzzzzzzzzz
May 17th, 2017, 10:29 AM
I met this guy over the internet in the gaming world and we became quite good friends.. he's older than me and I'm younger and my voice isn't that deep yet so he thinks i'm a girl. We've been friends for 3/4 of a year now and I feel more and more regret and unhappiness everyday, I'm to nervous to tell him the truth and whats even worse is that he took a liking into me.

And I feel like the worst person ever falling into it and no i'm not in a relationship I hold back if he says anything to do with relationship but I feel awful for not telling him and being too much of a coward too!

Please give me some advice!

I assume any contact has either been typed or audio. I also assume (unlike VT) that the system has not shown him that you have (for example) selected that you are male. Are you good friends just based on the gaming experience, or is there more to it. What makes him think that you are a girl. And how do you think if you did make a passing reference to a "boy" type thing (like using a urinal), do you think he'd be quite upset, or just taken aback. You could drop it in conversation and be all innocent when he says he didn't know (like saying "didn't you" or just saying that your voice hasn't broken yet if he asks.)

MysticMarine
May 17th, 2017, 10:39 AM
I assume any contact has either been typed or audio. I also assume (unlike VT) that the system has not shown him that you have (for example) selected that you are male. Are you good friends just based on the gaming experience, or is there more to it. What makes him think that you are a girl. And how do you think if you did make a passing reference to a "boy" type thing (like using a urinal), do you think he'd be quite upset, or just taken aback. You could drop it in conversation and be all innocent when he says he didn't know (like saying "didn't you" or just saying that your voice hasn't broken yet if he asks.)

Well My youtube channel had a clear indicator i was a boy but I don't think he realised and they just started saying she when i was in a group call playing overwatch etc. I was nervous to say anything because i thought I would get teased. But then one of them just became really close to me. It's really complicated and I made the wrong with just playing along with it but he did say that he'd be my friend no matter what and we are great friends! I know he has anxiety and a lot of problems in his life and that's why I can't tell him because i'm scared of his reaction.

SethfromMI
May 17th, 2017, 10:43 AM
just be honest with him. say you weren't trying to mislead him in any way, you don't want a romantic relationship with him (as you already said) and you just want to be his friend. say you were embarrassed because of your not deep voice and din;t know what to tell him. even if he gets mad, you should still tell him

MysticMarine
May 17th, 2017, 10:47 AM
just be honest with him. say you weren't trying to mislead him in any way, you don't want a romantic relationship with him (as you already said) and you just want to be his friend. say you were embarrassed because of your not deep voice and din;t know what to tell him. even if he gets mad, you should still tell him

Your right, thanks so much it may take some courage!

SethfromMI
May 17th, 2017, 10:49 AM
Your right, thanks so much it may take some courage!

no problem and that's totally understandable. but it is the right thing to do and, even if it does not have the results you were hoping for, on some level, you will feel better knowing that he knows the truth.

zzzzzzzzzz
May 17th, 2017, 10:49 AM
Well My youtube channel had a clear indicator i was a boy but I don't think he realised and they just started saying she when i was in a group call playing overwatch etc. I was nervous to say anything because i thought I would get teased. But then one of them just became really close to me. It's really complicated and I made the wrong with just playing along with it but he did say that he'd be my friend no matter what and we are great friends! I know he has anxiety and a lot of problems in his life and that's why I can't tell him because i'm scared of his reaction.

Do you still have dealings with the others in the group and do they know or would bother? If he is your friend, just bring it up gently, even if it does mean you say to him what you've just said here that you've been afraid of being teased. By almost "taking the blame" and putting it on you, he may more worry for you as a friend than getting upset or anxious due to the challenges in his life. the main worry would be for either some one else in that group to say, or for him to suddenly notice your male status on your youtube channel. If that happens, his reaction could be worse. I really hope it goes well if you could let him know gently. I can only say for sure, if he finds out "the hard way", it could end up worse. I hope it works for you

MysticMarine
May 17th, 2017, 10:50 AM
no problem and that's totally understandable. but it is the right thing to do and, even if it does not have the results you were hoping for, on some level, you will feel better knowing that he knows the truth.

I'll keep this thread updated when I gain the courage but I'm not going to do it for a bit because I need to work out what to say!

SethfromMI
May 17th, 2017, 10:51 AM
I'll keep this thread updated when I gain the courage but I'm not going to do it for a bit because I need to work out what to say!

completely understandable. hoping it all goes well. best of luck!

MysticMarine
May 17th, 2017, 10:52 AM
completely understandable. hoping it all goes well. best of luck!

Thanks so much for your help!

MysticMarine
May 17th, 2017, 10:53 AM
I hate being dishonest it's going to feel great after clearing myself

MysticMarine
May 17th, 2017, 12:49 PM
just seeing if my signature is popping up

Second Chance
May 17th, 2017, 11:16 PM
just be honest with him. say you weren't trying to mislead him in any way, you don't want a romantic relationship with him (as you already said) and you just want to be his friend. say you were embarrassed because of your not deep voice and din;t know what to tell him. even if he gets mad, you should still tell him

I completely agree with this advice, and I could not have said it better myself.

It is going to take a little time to build up courage, but do not try to avoid because everyday you put this off is only going to make it harder than now to solve the issue. You can phrase what you want to say based upon the quote above, and make it clear that you never intended to hurt the other person's feelings. Especially since you have mentioned that you have a YouTube channel that clearly shows that you are a boy and assuming the person has seen your videos it is not like you were trying to lie about anything or pretend that you're something you're not. In the end of the day, if this person is really your friend, then he/she is going to understand the situation and going to work with you. While it is great you're trying to be sensitive to the person's mental issues and feelings you still ultimately have to take care of yourself especially since the current situation is making you feel really uncomfortable. There could be a chance the person pretty much figured out the truth and what you do will clear the air.

MysticMarine
May 18th, 2017, 01:08 AM
I completely agree with this advice, and I could not have said it better myself.

It is going to take a little time to build up courage, but do not try to avoid because everyday you put this off is only going to make it harder than now to solve the issue. You can phrase what you want to say based upon the quote above, and make it clear that you never intended to hurt the other person's feelings. Especially since you have mentioned that you have a YouTube channel that clearly shows that you are a boy and assuming the person has seen your videos it is not like you were trying to lie about anything or pretend that you're something you're not. In the end of the day, if this person is really your friend, then he/she is going to understand the situation and going to work with you. While it is great you're trying to be sensitive to the person's mental issues and feelings you still ultimately have to take care of yourself especially since the current situation is making you feel really uncomfortable. There could be a chance the person pretty much figured out the truth and what you do will clear the air.

UPDATE - Okay so I sent him something I wrote, he's not mad yet I'm not sure if I want to continue my friendship with this person because it would be awkward. I'm having regular panic attacks over this I know he still wants to be my friend I just don't know if it would be the same!

MysticMarine
May 18th, 2017, 05:28 AM
LAST UPDATE - Things seem to be normal now thanks to you all so thanks ;)

SethfromMI
May 18th, 2017, 06:22 AM
LAST UPDATE - Things seem to be normal now thanks to you all so thanks ;)

good to hear! :)

Second Chance
May 19th, 2017, 02:56 AM
LAST UPDATE - Things seem to be normal now thanks to you all so thanks ;)

I am glad that things worked out, and my suggestion is that if the person does not say anything, then don't overthink the issue and continue being friends with the person as you have over time.

Never be afraid about confronting your fears, and it is far better to talk things out and develop a support structure if you have to deal with something difficult. It is far better to deal with the problem than to let it fester and get worse than it really is, and have good people around you who will help you and give you honest advice.