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View Full Version : I lied while getting evaluated...


Kooy
May 15th, 2017, 03:15 PM
Today i had my 18 year check up. This month at the doctors office i go to they are evaluating all the teens they see. I was reading over it and ive taken the exact same evaluation on a quiz site before, but a quiz site.. Their arnt reproductions form telling the truth.. So i know what it said their. So now here i have the quizlet in my hands in real life.. And just from having the evaluation test im already paranoid.. I don't want my parents to know how I feel. So i lied.. And i don't know why im beating myself so much for lieing.. Honestly not like i want any "treatments" anymway. I don't deserve to be "helped" medically, nor willing, I refuse to be druged or shocked or anything stuck in me.. Nor have some one pick at my psyche. Im fine dealing with it my way. No one close has to know.

The problem is... My doctor took my socks off... And seen all my cuts on my foot, they are mostly healed and faded so I don't know what they seen other then where i took a chuck of skin off my ankle.. And atempted to pass it off as a boil had busted. I felt so exposed and just wanted to ball up and disappear. I think from that my doctor who i cant call stupid because hes worked around me being difficult before... Has a hunch... Because he used the complex terms for cuts and cutting without hinting self mutilation. And stress and paranoia shot up i just wanted nothing more but to hide under a quilt.

Then my weight.... 141lbs... I see that as high... When i was really anorexic I wanted to be 60lbs.. It's still appealing but 120-125lbs i could settle for. They are going to monitor my weight.... And i hate this..

And i also got new reasons to hate my body more.. Apparently despite being 20/20 Ill need glasses in the future... Ive been so paranoid that I would need something like that, hearing that about killed me... I feel like crying just thinking about this reality that im going to need aid for vision in the future... Would a surgery to remove the linse stop this development? Its a problem in the lens..

And then the mineor problem.. Slightly cerve in my spine but 18 so.. It shouldn't grow that way anymore.

I just.. Hate today, I mean i was only told i was getting a vaccination.. I didn't know my while body was getting checked. And I really have been thrown off by the evaluation. Part of me is upset i lied, and another part of me thinks I wasn't convencing enough... Expressly when I hesitated to answer the last 2 suicide questions...

bpk1234
May 15th, 2017, 07:46 PM
I mean the doctors visit is over so you mine as well move on.

You shouldn't hate your body, you should be grateful you have ONE, the only one you'll ever have. I am really not sure why you are so upset about getting glasses, if getting glasses is what your gonna cry over with all the things that could happen to your body you need a new perspective man. My doctor says my spine is curved quite a bit too but its not something that I worry about, I know I have bad posture and I accept the consequences.

If you are/have been cutting yourself, you are obviously struggling pretty badly I would assume and you need to seek professional help. You do deserve help.

BlackParadePixie
May 15th, 2017, 08:20 PM
why are you so against other people knowing about your problems and trying to help you?

I know you say you're "fine" dealing with it on your own....but is that really true? How is that really working out for you? You still cut yourself. You say things like you hate your body, and being 60 pounds is appealing. Those aren't normal, healthy things one says about one's self.

you need help. You need to open up to those closest to you and ask for assistance. I know you've said before that you don't want people to know you cut because that scares them. Well of course it does. It's a troubling thing to know someone you love and care about is so down on themselves that they would resort to such actions. But that is not a BAD thing. If anything it allows those close to you to reach out and try to comfort you, to get the help you need, so you can be proud of yourself and enjoy your life.

Amethyst Rose
May 15th, 2017, 10:09 PM
Has something in the past made you have these feelings of not being worthy to be helped? You shouldn't feel that way, you just shouldn't. There are plenty of resources out there, and in your current state, you should definitely take advantage of them. Medicine is just one option; you can find a counselor/therapist who you feel comfortable opening up to. It may not be the first one you meet, but just find someone you feel safe with, and be honest with your family as well about what you're going through. You can't expect anyone to be there for you if you leave them in the dark. Don't think of it as "picking at your psyche" - they could offer support and just talking about it might make you feel better. Bottling things up is the last thing you should do. Another thing: not being satisfied with your body is normal, but don't let the good things get overshadowed by your dislike for the things you're not happy with. Seriously don't worry about the glasses either, so many people wear them and they won't make you more conspicuous in any way.

Kooy
May 16th, 2017, 11:25 AM
I mean the doctors visit is over so you mine as well move on.

You shouldn't hate your body, you should be grateful you have ONE, the only one you'll ever have. I am really not sure why you are so upset about getting glasses, if getting glasses is what your gonna cry over with all the things that could happen to your body you need a new perspective man. My doctor says my spine is curved quite a bit too but its not something that I worry about, I know I have bad posture and I accept the consequences.

If you are/have been cutting yourself, you are obviously struggling pretty badly I would assume and you need to seek professional help. You do deserve help.

The idea of glasses and having to wear then isnwhat gets to me, always having a frame pressed on you, always worried they will brake, the fact ill have to rely on then instead of being independent. All of that gets to you expesualy when you have been tariffed if having to have them for a long time

why are you so against other people knowing about your problems and trying to help you?

I know you say you're "fine" dealing with it on your own....but is that really true? How is that really working out for you? You still cut yourself. You say things like you hate your body, and being 60 pounds is appealing. Those aren't normal, healthy things one says about one's self.

you need help. You need to open up to those closest to you and ask for assistance. I know you've said before that you don't want people to know you cut because that scares them. Well of course it does. It's a troubling thing to know someone you love and care about is so down on themselves that they would resort to such actions. But that is not a BAD thing. If anything it allows those close to you to reach out and try to comfort you, to get the help you need, so you can be proud of yourself and enjoy your life.

Im not comfortable with anyone close to me knowing. People i have never met and im not face to face with, it's easy, it's all more ot less anonymous. But taking the evaluation with my mother over my shoulder, I couldn't tell the truth and have that sort of conversation, I don't think I'll ever be ready to tell anyone close what's going on on the inside. It just feels like a risk im not willing to take.

Has something in the past made you have these feelings of not being worthy to be helped? You shouldn't feel that way, you just shouldn't. There are plenty of resources out there, and in your current state, you should definitely take advantage of them. Medicine is just one option; you can find a counselor/therapist who you feel comfortable opening up to. It may not be the first one you meet, but just find someone you feel safe with, and be honest with your family as well about what you're going through. You can't expect anyone to be there for you if you leave them in the dark. Don't think of it as "picking at your psyche" - they could offer support and just talking about it might make you feel better. Bottling things up is the last thing you should do. Another thing: not being satisfied with your body is normal, but don't let the good things get overshadowed by your dislike for the things you're not happy with. Seriously don't worry about the glasses either, so many people wear them and they won't make you more conspicuous in any way.

I don't trust anyone I can tell, and honestly its messed up but part of me in a way doesn't want better, treatment seems like it change who I fundamentally am as a person. It just feels like thinking and reacting differently would make me not me anymore. Again I know its mest up, but i sorta would rather stay like this then seak help because i see the risk of staying is far less then the the risk of telling anyone and get treated. If i was amble to do it and no one know it was me, I would still be varry hesitant but id probably do it. Just professional treatment doesn't look like something i can alow my self to do expesualy of my family has to find out. Id rather keep to my self and no one close know.

missghost
May 18th, 2017, 06:54 PM
I'm sorry about this. I know it's hard to move past something you just can't seem to let go of. I understand what it's like to hate your body. I deal with it everyday. It's agonizing. I'm very sorry. Feel free to message me whenever.

Kooy
May 18th, 2017, 10:49 PM
I'm sorry about this. I know it's hard to move past something you just can't seem to let go of. I understand what it's like to hate your body. I deal with it everyday. It's agonizing. I'm very sorry. Feel free to message me whenever.

Thank you. And I haven't made 100 post yet so..