View Full Version : "Competition" w/ Sister

May 11th, 2017, 05:33 PM
This is a long post. I'm sorry :( .I was debating on whether this post would go under the eating disorder topic or the family one. I settled on family because as far as I know, I would just like to lose a little weight.

The problem is, my sister is also trying to keep losing weight as well, and it seriously bothers me. I have no idea why.

We are both very short for our age, both measuring at about 4'11, her being a bit less than half an inch shorter than me. She's 15 and in grade 10, and I'm 14 in grade 8. (she's 14 months older than me)

When we were younger, I apparently really loved eating meat and food in general. I was way chubbier than her, thus whenever our parents talked about us with friends or relatives, I would be described as "the fatter one". My parents didn't mean anything by this; They're Chinese and they usually just speak their mind, but I used to get very annoyed when they did this.

Around the ages when we were supposed to start losing our "baby fat" (sister at age 8-9, me at age 7-8), my sister lost the little fat she had and she was literally stick thin. When I was 9-10 years old, I wouldn't say that I was obese, but I was really really really chubby compared to her. I remember that our relatives from China would send us matching clothing, and the larger size would always be for me even though I was younger.

My mom commented on my weight a few times(I'm not sure if I was overweight, but I might have been), which was okay because well, she was my mom.

My sister used to use the fact that I was fat as an attack on me when we were arguing. I specifically remember an event that occurred 6 years ago; It's still clear to this very day, and I don't know why. My sister was choosing out the clothes she was going to wear. I was 8 and I still wanted to dress the same as her, but she didn't like wearing the same thing as me anymore.

We got into a silly argument about this somehow, and when she called me stupid, I regretfully called her ugly. (Although this is no excuse, I will remind you that I was 8.) She then replied with something along the lines of "At least I'm not fat!". I got really upset and told her that my gym teacher at school said that I was healthy. (the gym teacher actually said that but I think she was being nice lol)
My sister said "Even mommy said that you're above average!"(in these exact words)

I know it sounds silly but I still remember that. I don't think I was even that sad afterwards, just angry. (I remember choosing the same clothes she was wearing anyways just to make her angry lol)

Since she the middle of grade 8, she started gaining weight, no idea why. She went from being super skinny to kinda normal. At the same time, I started realizing how fat I was and tried to eat a little less. I grew a little, and soon we weighted the same. When she started 9th grade and I started 7th grade, I was a tiny bit less chubbier than her. Our mom started telling her that she needed to do more exercise. I was identified as the skinnier one between us. I felt kind of happy.

Fast-forward to current time, my sister is a tiny bit shorter than me but a bit skinnier as well. And I seriously hate it. I try to lose weight and fat, but I like to eat too much. We used to eat snacks together, but she always says no to eating anything other than meals that we have to eat. She's always searching up how to slim down her thighs and calves and when she performs the stretches, it annoys me so much, but I don't know why.

I remember she used to throw her school lunch away when she got home from school everyday when my mom wasn't home. I used to get mad because I knew what she was doing and I loved my lunches too much to not eat them (lol again).

Then, when I started asking for half bowl of rice for dinner instead of a full bowl, my sister when berserk and started telling me that I was anorexic. I then confronted her and accused her of being anorexic as well (yea real mature) and now whenever food or weight comes up, there's a noticeable stigma that appears along with it.

When I confronted her, she said "I'm not trying to lose weight, I am trying to be healthy. I don't care what other people think of me, unlike you." And I get angry because she continues to not eat her lunch and she gets away with it, whereas if I try to simply eat A LITTLE LESS RICE at dinner and more veggies and meat, she will tell my mom, and my mom will say, "Again??!" in a disapproving tone.

I know it's terrible, but I really really really want to be skinnier than her and right now she's winning in this stupid "competition" of ours. I'm scared and try to burn as many calories everyday(because I am really bad at not eating a lot of junk food) and I can't stop.

I'm currently 4'11 and I am about 103+ pounds (my scale is broken D: ) do I need help? am I fat? how do I stop the competition?

May 12th, 2017, 04:39 AM
This is all very childish, petty and destructive. You aren't angry or mad at your sister, in fact you never have been. She's not the problem, you are.

People act on what is a priority to them. To you clearly enjoying food is more of a priority than being skinny. Then you get mad at yourself and bitter at her for having different priorities.

Have you tried sitting down and having this conversation with her? About all the pettiness and bitchy behaviour in the past, how really you just want to be skinny. Not 'as skinny as her', but just healthy. That needs to be the goal. Now if you decide to not let your pride ruin everything, she could be a partner-in-crime as it were. She could have your back over eating less at dinner, or help encourage you to be healthier.

The only way to stop the 'competition' is to be honest with yourself as it is happening, and to admit that out loud. 'I am just angry with myself for choosing to be this way, it is not her fault'. It doesn't sound necessarily like you have a problem that you cannot choose to solve.

~ Clara

May 12th, 2017, 04:05 PM
How to stop the competition?

Don't make it a competition.

Simple as that. Eat what you want, exercised when/if you want. If you WANT to be healthy, you'll figure out a balance of the two that you need to reach your goal.