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Seraph
May 7th, 2017, 07:41 AM
In short: I think I'm being the victim of a one-sided homosexual relationship in which the assailant is an underage kid with suicidal tendencies growing up on me and I fear to break his will for deep regard and affection for him.

Here is the full story:

So a month ago my little brother invited one of his new friends (Jared was his name) to play games together at our house, he was a bit more mature than kids his age and I began to like him and became good friends with him. He was a good boy - good manners, good grades, matching interests and many things in common and so he became good friends with me and my best friend. He openly talked with us and shared his story, however . . . it was not long ere I learned that that he was gay, well . . . a bit too much.

I told him I was bisexual and sexual orientation didn't matter to me, and for a while we remained good friends. After some time I found out that he was attracted to me, I loved him like a little brother but I could not think of being in a relationship with him, because he's three and a half years younger than me - he is still 12 (soon to be 13) and I like him like a little brother. I planned to deny him quickly but could not.

A few weeks ago I was checking his phone and found a horrible image - he told me once that he had a boyfriend who broke up with him (he did tell me his name), and in the image there was the name of the boy carved onto his arm - bound in mortal flesh and inked in blood. I asked him quickly what it was and he replied: "I was too sad then, I won't do it again."

Defiant are humans by heart, and I fear if I tell him that I do not want to be in a relationship with him, he'll cut himself again. I asked my much wiser significant other and she said: "Do anything but break his heart, for you will regret the result."

I do not wish for him to harm himself, I 'love' him like a little brother. I do not know what to do.

Straya
May 9th, 2017, 05:12 AM
the only way not to break his heart is to tell him straight up that you only see him as a good friend/ little brother

ClaraWho
May 9th, 2017, 12:06 PM
In short: I think I'm being the victim of a one-sided homosexual relationship in which the assailant is an underage kid with suicidal tendencies growing up on me and I fear to break his will for deep regard and affection for him.

Here is the full story:

So a month ago my little brother invited one of his new friends (Jared was his name) to play games together at our house, he was a bit more mature than kids his age and I began to like him and became good friends with him. He was a good boy - good manners, good grades, matching interests and many things in common and so he became good friends with me and my best friend. He openly talked with us and shared his story, however . . . it was not long ere I learned that that he was gay, well . . . a bit too much.

I told him I was bisexual and sexual orientation didn't matter to me, and for a while we remained good friends. After some time I found out that he was attracted to me, I loved him like a little brother but I could not think of being in a relationship with him, because he's three and a half years younger than me - he is still 12 (soon to be 13) and I like him like a little brother. I planned to deny him quickly but could not.

A few weeks ago I was checking his phone and found a horrible image - he told me once that he had a boyfriend who broke up with him (he did tell me his name), and in the image there was the name of the boy carved onto his arm - bound in mortal flesh and inked in blood. I asked him quickly what it was and he replied: "I was too sad then, I won't do it again."

Defiant are humans by heart, and I fear if I tell him that I do not want to be in a relationship with him, he'll cut himself again. I asked my much wiser significant other and she said: "Do anything but break his heart, for you will regret the result."

I do not wish for him to harm himself, I 'love' him like a little brother. I do not know what to do.

The first thing that strikes me is the way you choose to write about this.

'bound in mortal flesh and inked in blood' and 'defiant are humans by heart'.

May I suggest you cut out such flowery and editorialised speech and writing? This is a serious issue that needs to be talked about like an adult, dramatising it is only going to distort the situation or romanticise it. Especially not around the boy in question.

So a much younger boy has maladapted coping strategies, such as self-harm and depression. Has he mentioned if he is in therapy for this or has mentioned it to his GP, or his parents?

You need to find out more on his parental situation, without taking his word for it (kids exaggerate or invent things to fit in or 'seem cooler'). If his parents are decent enough then it may be worth having a conversation regarding the depression and self-harm. This is something they should be aware of so they can help him.

Have you advised he speak to a teacher or someone he trusts regarding his feelings?

In terms of yourself, you are in no position to help me other than to be his friend. You need to set boundaries though as this may be an issue with his current mental state. You say you have a partner, so I don't really see what the issue of him liking you is? Just say you are in a relationship already, that he is too young for you anyway and then reassure him he is young, he will find the right person when the time is right.

You say he respects you, so if you feel able to - step up and be the role model. And for goodness sake don't talk about his problems in the same manner you did on here.

~ Clara

SethfromMI
May 9th, 2017, 12:22 PM
the only way not to break his heart is to tell him straight up that you only see him as a good friend/ little brother

even if it may cause him some pain, this is the right thing to do. if he thinks he may have a chance with you (OP) then when he finds out there is none (for the proper reasons you mentioned) it could be devastating. I can't promise how he will respond, but if he is the way you say he is and he thinks there is something even if there is not, it will be even worse when he finds out you do not feel the same way about him as he does you

Seraph
May 9th, 2017, 01:21 PM
So a much younger boy has maladapted coping strategies, such as self-harm and depression. Has he mentioned if he is in therapy for this or has mentioned it to his GP, or his parents?

You need to find out more on his parental situation, without taking his word for it (kids exaggerate or invent things to fit in or 'seem cooler'). If his parents are decent enough then it may be worth having a conversation regarding the depression and self-harm. This is something they should be aware of so they can help him.

Have you advised he speak to a teacher or someone he trusts regarding his feelings?

I talked to his mother earlier, she said that he had grown out of that habit a few months after the break-up and moved on. When you look at him, he doesn't look depressive or gloomy, he is merry and vibrant and mostly remains joyous. If you look at him, you won't be able to believe that he could ever do something as self-harm.

I do fret for him because I would be doing the same thing to him as his previous boyfriend did to him, and I fear his habit may return. I do not know what may occur but IF he does the same thing again, I do not know what I can do. The only difference between his previous one and this one would be that I will still remain friends with him and act as his older brother.

I ofttimes friendzone (or rather brother-zone) him but he still gives a try. My girlfriend doesn't stop him, she is more of a best-friend to me anyway.


P.S. Forgive me for my archiacy but I have a habit of using archiac words and poetic definitions, so . . . ignore that.

ClaraWho
May 9th, 2017, 03:39 PM
I talked to his mother earlier, she said that he had grown out of that habit a few months after the break-up and moved on. When you look at him, he doesn't look depressive or gloomy, he is merry and vibrant and mostly remains joyous. If you look at him, you won't be able to believe that he could ever do something as self-harm.

I do fret for him because I would be doing the same thing to him as his previous boyfriend did to him, and I fear his habit may return. I do not know what may occur but IF he does the same thing again, I do not know what I can do. The only difference between his previous one and this one would be that I will still remain friends with him and act as his older brother.

I ofttimes friendzone (or rather brother-zone) him but he still gives a try. My girlfriend doesn't stop him, she is more of a best-friend to me anyway.


P.S. Forgive me for my archiacy but I have a habit of using archiac words and poetic definitions, so . . . ignore that.

On the last note, your words were not archaic, simply over dramatic and poetic which isn't really appropriate for serious topics.

If your girlfriend is just a best-friend with benefits then why are you dressing it up as a relationship? Does she know you feel that way? But that is a separate topic entirely.

At some point in his life he is going to be disappointed and his coping strategies tested. There's nothing you can do to prevent that or any subsequent consequences.

You say he 'still gives a try and my girlfriend doesn't stop him'. That is because it is your job to stop him. You are both the one being hit on and the much older party.

You would not be doing the same thing as his ex-boyfriend (ridiculous as a 12 yr old cannot begin to fathom dating), you aren't in a relationship with him.

The rest of my advice is still what I said in the last message.

~ Clara

Chaosphere
May 10th, 2017, 12:50 AM
In short: I think I'm being the victim of a one-sided homosexual relationship in which the assailant is an underage kid with suicidal tendencies growing up on me and I fear to break his will for deep regard and affection for him.

Here is the full story:

So a month ago my little brother invited one of his new friends (Jared was his name) to play games together at our house, he was a bit more mature than kids his age and I began to like him and became good friends with him. He was a good boy - good manners, good grades, matching interests and many things in common and so he became good friends with me and my best friend. He openly talked with us and shared his story, however . . . it was not long ere I learned that that he was gay, well . . . a bit too much.

I told him I was bisexual and sexual orientation didn't matter to me, and for a while we remained good friends. After some time I found out that he was attracted to me, I loved him like a little brother but I could not think of being in a relationship with him, because he's three and a half years younger than me - he is still 12 (soon to be 13) and I like him like a little brother. I planned to deny him quickly but could not.

A few weeks ago I was checking his phone and found a horrible image - he told me once that he had a boyfriend who broke up with him (he did tell me his name), and in the image there was the name of the boy carved onto his arm - bound in mortal flesh and inked in blood. I asked him quickly what it was and he replied: "I was too sad then, I won't do it again."

Defiant are humans by heart, and I fear if I tell him that I do not want to be in a relationship with him, he'll cut himself again. I asked my much wiser significant other and she said: "Do anything but break his heart, for you will regret the result."

I do not wish for him to harm himself, I 'love' him like a little brother. I do not know what to do.
A lot of young boys (not necessarily most, but some) have been noted as forming seemingly homosexual attractions when early in puberty, as a form of hero-worship. Some eventually become heterosexual, and some stay gay. Either way, this Jared is an unfortunate combination of that trait, as well as heavily stormy emotions. With time, he will become more resilient towards these situations. From what you say, you have a functional relationship with him. Make sure he knows you don't see him in a romantic way (keep him in the so-called, "brozone"), and any action he takes are his, not yours, you're just trying to see him turn out for the best. In the future, he will adjust. Hope this helps.

Seraph
May 10th, 2017, 01:45 PM
Okay, so I tried to take a step forward and talked to him, let me report the latest incidents:

So Jared came to our house again to play games, while playing he kept looking at me gaily and romantically, I did not like the way he looked and so I said to him: "Jared listen to me, I like you and think of you as a little brother, but do not try to get in a relationship with me because I think of you as my little brother, and nothing more."

He did say that he was cool, but I observed that his face turned a bit blue. I wasn't harsh at all, and gave my my best 'big brother look' and even gave him a hug in the end (the same way I hug my little brother). I think it may have worked, but he seemed sad. I think I did right.