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DerpyGirl
May 5th, 2017, 08:58 PM
This may be long and confusing so I apologize and thanks in advance to anyone who reads it all.

So up until January of last year I was best friends with this girl Becca. We hung out a lot and we were just very close, that is until I found out she had blamed me for saying something I didn't say. Actually it turns out she told her mother I said it and her mother repeated it to family friends of mine.

Anyway, so we had a fight over text and I said some pretty mean things and the next day she's unfriended on all social media and we haven't spoken since. Before this all happened my other friend Jen was questioning what kind of a friend Becca really was, because Becca would often make people the butt of jokes and make them feel small, even me on occasion. Jen thinks Becca is a narcissist that has to be the center of attention and just gets off on making people feel bad about themselves.

So about a week ago, Becca sends me a text that says she's sorry for the way things turned out and that she misses me. As it turns out, Becca just got dumped by a guy and she alienated some of her other friends while she was with him. I ignored her text and just went about my week. I felt terrible not replying but I just couldn't bring myself to be in that position again to be blamed for something I didn't do, or be talked down to the way she's known to do to people.

She send a second text which basically said "I guess not(as in we can't be friends again) and that what you said wasn't just out of anger. Have a nice life"
Am I a bad person for not responding and trying to patch things up? Worse yet, I see her hanging out with some of our mutual friends and it makes me wonder if I'm being a b*tch when everyone else can get along with her. I just know how she can be.

Any advice or anything is welcomed. If you just want to say I'm being a b*tch that's okay too. Sorry this is so long.

sketchyheart
May 5th, 2017, 10:28 PM
You are not a bad person for getting rid of a toxic person. And you most certainly should not feel bad. It's obvious that she is trying to use you, since she just got dumped. Eventually she'll get over her ex, though, and she'll cause problems again. So in my opinion, you were in the right.

lliam
May 6th, 2017, 01:21 AM
You don't need any advice. You did what's best for you.

To judge this isn't of my concern nor schould it concern others.

DerpyGirl
May 6th, 2017, 03:46 PM
You are not a bad person for getting rid of a toxic person. And you most certainly should not feel bad. It's obvious that she is trying to use you, since she just got dumped. Eventually she'll get over her ex, though, and she'll cause problems again. So in my opinion, you were in the right.


Thank you for replying. That's what my friend Jen said, that she is toxic. I just thought that maybe I was just being too sensitive or something because she had all these people around her that are still her friend. I thought I was in the wrong for keeping my distance.

DerpyGirl
May 6th, 2017, 03:48 PM
You don't need any advice. You did what's best for you.

To judge this isn't of my concern nor schould it concern others.


Thanks for replying. That's just it though, I did what's best for me, but I keep thinking I made the wrong decision. What if she's changed? Was I imagining the whole thing? Why can no one else see it besides my friend Jen and I?

Barbara.
May 6th, 2017, 04:08 PM
No you did no wrong. Sounds to me she has been belittling you, along with others to make herself feel better which is wrong for a true friend to act. The saying goes, friends like her who need enemies. You don't need to put yourself in the position to be hurt again.

DerpyGirl
May 6th, 2017, 06:06 PM
Thank you Barb and everyone else. It helps to get other opinions so I don't feel like I'm the one who messed up and made a mistake

lliam
May 6th, 2017, 07:44 PM
Thanks for replying. That's just it though, I did what's best for me, but I keep thinking I made the wrong decision.



The fewest friendships are carved in stone. So, if she really changed, you can renew the friendship. This is certainly not an easy path to go, but nevertheless it's a viable option.

KatieCO2003
May 6th, 2017, 09:32 PM
I think you did the right thing. Its very difficult for me to say this because the toxic person in my life was very close to me. And because she's beautiful and charming, everybody still loves her and thinks she's a wonderful person. But she's not.

Harrier
May 6th, 2017, 10:08 PM
I don't blame you at all. Trust is so important. You can find friends who are NICE and TRUSTWORTHY. Seems she didn't really offer an apology. More like she burned her bridges and is just lonely. I think you couldve replied to her first text and just said what you did hurt me and friends don't do that to each other blah blah blah. I think honesty like that can work but that's just imo

DerpyGirl
May 7th, 2017, 12:27 PM
Thank you all for your responses. Katie I'm sorry you have to deal with a toxic person so close to you. I hope you can work things out there in some way. My friend is beautiful and charming as well and she has a good heart(or at least pretends to) and people adore her.

I guess I don't really need to be her friend, it's just sometimes I miss her and wonder if other people look at me and wonder why I'm not this girl's friend also.

Kyle37
May 7th, 2017, 06:38 PM
If you feel like you can forgive her for what she's done, and if you think she has improved as a person since then, then maybe you could consider moving a little closer and closer. However, if you don't feel this is possible, just ignore them.
Thats my opinion, but its up to you.

EvaNL
May 17th, 2017, 04:23 AM
Life is all about making choices. Sometimes we choose well, sometimes not so much.
You chose to ignore her, which was, at the time, probably the best thing you could do. Simply because you FELT it was.

But that doesn't mean you can't try and repair your friendship. Time changes everything, even people. If you feel like it, and only then, you could try to talk to her again. Just to see if there is some common ground on which to build a further friendship.
But it's also perfectly fine to not be in contact with her.
It's totally up to you.

IF you decide to talk to her again, you may say something like "I apologize for the mean things I said, I shouldn't have done that. But I don't appreciate the way you treated me either.". That way you give her something but still keep your distance. Also, that gives her the opportunity to apologize, which could give you that common ground I spoke about.

One last thing: you can't be friends with everyone and you can't make everyone happy. You get to choose your friends; choose wisely. Try to keep the good ones around and get rid of the bad ones. And yeah, I know, that's easier said than done...
Good luck! :)

DerpyGirl
May 22nd, 2017, 03:16 PM
Kyle and Eva thank you so much. You both have given me good advice. I think I may try to test the waters with this person and see what happens. I just need to make it clear that we can't just forgive and forget. I get the feeling that she's that kind of person and doesn't want to hash things out. I need to work it out.

EvaNL
May 31st, 2017, 08:18 AM
Kyle and Eva thank you so much. You both have given me good advice. I think I may try to test the waters with this person and see what happens. I just need to make it clear that we can't just forgive and forget. I get the feeling that she's that kind of person and doesn't want to hash things out. I need to work it out.

Good idea.
Keep true to yourself. Do what you think is best for you. The most important peson in your life should be you :)

Aldee
June 10th, 2017, 01:51 AM
I made and lost many friends through the years. Some I have been able to patch things up with and others have just drifted away. I guess just do what feels right for you.

justGal
June 10th, 2017, 05:48 AM
I think you did the right thing. Its very difficult for me to say this because the toxic person in my life was very close to me. And because she's beautiful and charming, everybody still loves her and thinks she's a wonderful person. But she's not.

That's why a lot of guys think twice about trusting us. Basically pretty girls can get away with a LOT of things, Saw It myself and had It done to my friends. Basically It is the thing society Hates the most (probably, but pretty sure It is the most hated) And i *know* You understand/feel It : (