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sketchyheart
May 5th, 2017, 06:30 PM
If you aren't caught up with the drama that is me, basically my ex-best friend is making me depressed again. And to be honest, she's bringing back the thoughts of dying, suicide, etc that I have tried so damn hard to get rid of. I was clean from them since September 2016 and here she comes to destroy me from the inside. Well I'm not dealing with this fuckery anymore. I don't know if she's doing it on purpose, if she's just putting on an innocent act or if she's just really pissed at me for all the shit I did. Yeah, I fucked up really bad as her friend. But I was so damn mentally unstable at the time that I didn't understand my actions. I know that's not an excuse but I'm not the person who did all those things. She claims she forgives me, but if she did why would she bring up every single terrible thing I did? Right now she says she wants us to mend our friendship, but I've decided that it isn't what I want. I realized she is triggering all my bad thoughts and we are both better off without each other. I don't want to be her best friend anymore, I don't even want to be her friend.

Now here is the tricky part: This girl is also my cousin. And our families are close. So I can't exactly cut her off. I feel like I am suffocating because of this and no one will listen to me.

Oh, one more thing:
Tomorrow's a family gathering, meaning I'm going to see her. Should I show off that I'm better off without us as friends, or should I just stay home? I can't avoid her forever. But everytime I have to see her face I end up crying when I get home.

I do not, in any way hate this girl. But I also do not feel like I owe her for all the bad shit I did. Cause I apologised seven thousand times and I DID change. She also did some things to me but they don't bother me - and I never once brought them up to anyone because I felt that my actions were worse, but I forgave her as well. Maybe SHE feels like I should just oblige to what she wants because I was a bad person in the past. But I know if I do that, I will spiral down and get worse and worse until I become a bad person again.

Since I can't avoid her, I was thinking I'd just show off how fucking better I am without us as friends. I don't wanna miss out on fun times just because she is there. I'll have to face her, eventually. I'd just like to do it while looking good and doing better.
Yeah, I sound mean. But she's made me feel bad for a very, very long time and I'm ready to explode if I have to keep suffering silently.

P.S: I did not realize how long this was. If you read through all this, thank you so much!

Jordanchill
May 6th, 2017, 09:31 PM
Obviously the relationship is a toxic one and the best thing would be for you to end it for the sake of your health, even if she is your cousin. I would, however, avoid fully alienating her as she does have feelings too, and being that she is your cousin, is hard to avoid unless you are willing to make your family life miserable (by avoiding family gatherings) because of one person. If it makes you feel better to show her that you are better off without her, then do what you must. I do recommend that you end the relationship slowly by doing simple things like talking to her less and you both will slowly drift apart with little hurt and trouble ending the relationship. Obviously I am only giving advice so take what you need, or don't and I hope any actions you take help to keep you mentally and physically healthy.
~ Good luck, Jordan

sketchyheart
May 7th, 2017, 12:07 AM
Obviously the relationship is a toxic one and the best thing would be for you to end it for the sake of your health, even if she is your cousin. I would, however, avoid fully alienating her as she does have feelings too, and being that she is your cousin, is hard to avoid unless you are willing to make your family life miserable (by avoiding family gatherings) because of one person. If it makes you feel better to show her that you are better off without her, then do what you must. I do recommend that you end the relationship slowly by doing simple things like talking to her less and you both will slowly drift apart with little hurt and trouble ending the relationship. Obviously I am only giving advice so take what you need, or don't and I hope any actions you take help to keep you mentally and physically healthy.
~ Good luck, Jordan

Yeah, this is what I definitely needed to hear. I'm going to show her that I don't need the negativity she brings me. We barely talk now anyways, and honestly I'm just totally done with her.
Thanks <3

Chaosphere
May 20th, 2017, 12:05 AM
If you aren't caught up with the drama that is me, basically my ex-best friend is making me depressed again. And to be honest, she's bringing back the thoughts of dying, suicide, etc that I have tried so damn hard to get rid of. I was clean from them since September 2016 and here she comes to destroy me from the inside. Well I'm not dealing with this fuckery anymore. I don't know if she's doing it on purpose, if she's just putting on an innocent act or if she's just really pissed at me for all the shit I did. Yeah, I fucked up really bad as her friend. But I was so damn mentally unstable at the time that I didn't understand my actions. I know that's not an excuse but I'm not the person who did all those things. She claims she forgives me, but if she did why would she bring up every single terrible thing I did? Right now she says she wants us to mend our friendship, but I've decided that it isn't what I want. I realized she is triggering all my bad thoughts and we are both better off without each other. I don't want to be her best friend anymore, I don't even want to be her friend.

Now here is the tricky part: This girl is also my cousin. And our families are close. So I can't exactly cut her off. I feel like I am suffocating because of this and no one will listen to me.

Oh, one more thing:
Tomorrow's a family gathering, meaning I'm going to see her. Should I show off that I'm better off without us as friends, or should I just stay home? I can't avoid her forever. But everytime I have to see her face I end up crying when I get home.

I do not, in any way hate this girl. But I also do not feel like I owe her for all the bad shit I did. Cause I apologised seven thousand times and I DID change. She also did some things to me but they don't bother me - and I never once brought them up to anyone because I felt that my actions were worse, but I forgave her as well. Maybe SHE feels like I should just oblige to what she wants because I was a bad person in the past. But I know if I do that, I will spiral down and get worse and worse until I become a bad person again.

Since I can't avoid her, I was thinking I'd just show off how fucking better I am without us as friends. I don't wanna miss out on fun times just because she is there. I'll have to face her, eventually. I'd just like to do it while looking good and doing better.
Yeah, I sound mean. But she's made me feel bad for a very, very long time and I'm ready to explode if I have to keep suffering silently.

P.S: I did not realize how long this was. If you read through all this, thank you so much!
I'm sorry to hear that you feel like no one will listen to you. We here on the forums will listen, for what that's worth. You're better off showing that you're not friends anymore, but avoiding direct confrontation regarding it. If you can, ask if you can bring a supportive friend to gatherings like that, so you can vent or just have someone to lean on. I don't thin you sound mean about it, you sound like someone who's fed up and rightly so. This advice coming from someone who has no idea what these, "things you did," in the past are, but still.

For now, try to put the things both you guys did out of your mind. Focus primarily on the present, and secondarily on the future. None of the previous stuff really matters anymore, and no matter the reasoning you extrapolate from it, there's no way to know why she does what she does, and you'll drive yourself up a wall trying to figure it out. All the matters is that, should you give her an inch, she'll take a mile, knowingly or not. Focus on not letting her get to you. I know you say that you can't cut her off completely, sever ties with her a completely as possible. Don't let your guilt or any similar emotions let you start this cycle of relationships with her all over again.

Also important is choosing your battles. Though you can't and shouldn't avoid this girl forever, it might be a good idea to minimize unnecessary contact and not go to these types of gatherings. Just a thought. Hope all this helps. Best of luck.

jamie_n5
May 20th, 2017, 09:09 PM
I would try and talk to her and tell her that the things she says and does to you set you off and really hurt and make you feel and go back to bad times. Ask her if she truly forgives you for messing up or is trying intentionally to mess with your head and make you miserable. If she doesn't respond well or seem sincere then I would leave her be and do the best to alienate yourself from her and avoid her at family gatherings. Hopefully you two can hash things out and be close again. I wish you luck.