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colin4
April 23rd, 2017, 06:53 PM
Hi, I am just looking for any sort of advice maybe from someone who has been in a similar situation. I am currently in my first real relationship with a girl, its been going on for around a year and a quarter. I am finding myself less and less attracted to her and I feel like our personalities are quickly going apart. I cannot honestly say that I really enjoy spending time with her, which is why I think I would be doing her a disservice if I stayed with her. She is always so nice to me though, saying that she wouldnt know what to do without me and stuff like that. I have never broken up with a girl before, and I am really confused on what I should do. I do not want to lie to her and keep saying that I like her a lot, but I am not sure how to break up with her without a huge scene, even though I am sure that is inevitable. Also, finals are in about 6 weeks so I am not sure if I should do it now or after them. Nobody has even started studying, I just thought I should say that. If anyone has anything to say, I would love to hear it. Thanks.

ClaraWho
April 23rd, 2017, 07:18 PM
It's one of those things, everyone would have different individual prefereces on being broken up with before an exam. Personally I'd prefer just knowing and honesty.

Breaking up rarely goes well, especially if one side is still invested in the relationship emotionally. But at some point you will break up, the longer you leave it the worse it will be. The decent thing is to end it, make sure her friends are going to be there to support her, do somewhere private and in person (don't text). Only you can decide on timing unfortunately.

As you know, someone being nice isn't enough reason to be in a relationship with. You seem to have answered your own question to an extent.

~ Clara

colin4
April 23rd, 2017, 07:36 PM
The decent thing is to end it, make sure her friends are going to be there to support her,

First, I get if this idea sounds horrible, im just throwing it out there. I am pretty good friends with a couple of her friends, and I know they would not tell her. Would it be of any use to maybe tell them what I am doing the day of or something? Just so that her friends would be prepared to console her? This kinda seems like a complete loser move now that I have typed it...

ClaraWho
April 24th, 2017, 03:54 AM
First, I get if this idea sounds horrible, im just throwing it out there. I am pretty good friends with a couple of her friends, and I know they would not tell her. Would it be of any use to maybe tell them what I am doing the day of or something? Just so that her friends would be prepared to console her? This kinda seems like a complete loser move now that I have typed it...

I get what you are trying to do, but she needs to be the first to know. If she ever found out others already knew... Wouldn't be kind as you hoped.

~ Clara

Uniquemind
April 24th, 2017, 06:20 PM
I advise only getting things rolling towards a breakup after finals.

But that's just me. I wouldn't want an emotional drama situation occurring before exams that determine GPA and therefore college applications. Is prefer to have summer break to gather myself together and press onwards.


But definitely breakup because you are falling out of love.

Chaosphere
April 27th, 2017, 12:59 AM
First, I get if this idea sounds horrible, im just throwing it out there. I am pretty good friends with a couple of her friends, and I know they would not tell her. Would it be of any use to maybe tell them what I am doing the day of or something? Just so that her friends would be prepared to console her? This kinda seems like a complete loser move now that I have typed it...
For once, I'm going to go with the honorable Clarawho here. Your girlfriend should be the first to know you want to break up. It shows that you care, setting up a safety net for her, but I think it has the definite possibility of backfire. I would probably break up before finals. In the end, it depends on how you think she would react, whether or not she would be put on her heels with the revelation, and her studies would suffer as a result. Whether or not is helps her, I'm not sure you have the right to mandate her blissful ignorance. She has a right to the truth as well. Hope that helps.

mick01
May 25th, 2017, 05:52 PM
It's one of those things, everyone would have different individual prefereces on being broken up with before an exam. Personally I'd prefer just knowing and honesty.

Breaking up rarely goes well, especially if one side is still invested in the relationship emotionally. But at some point you will break up, the longer you leave it the worse it will be. The decent thing is to end it, make sure her friends are going to be there to support her, do somewhere private and in person (don't text). Only you can decide on timing unfortunately.

As you know, someone being nice isn't enough reason to be in a relationship with. You seem to have answered your own question to an extent.

~ Clara

This is a seriously delayed response, but you give really thoughtful and insightful advice. I hope this is the right way to say this. Anyway, just wanted to tell you that.