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View Full Version : She calls me cute and attractive, but wants to stay friends?


PinkFloyd
April 19th, 2017, 08:32 PM
Okay, this is a thread I've wanted to make for a few weeks now, but I never really buckled down and wrote it for a variety of reasons. I felt guilty about how I feel. That being said, here it is, the whole story. I hope i can get some advice out of this. It's gonna be a long read. Oh, another thing. I'm not condoning underage drinking or anything like that. It's just part of the story.

So I've had this very close female friend since April of 2014. I'll call her Brianna. Brianna and I have been best friends for three years now. Her and I became best friends that summer of 2014 due to a mix of being genuinely good together as friends as well as this underlying sexual tension that we both felt, but didn't want to bring up. That said sexual tension reached its peak at the end of August of 2014 when her and I had this plan to take part in the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. Back then, I was 16, so my 16 year-old brain realized that the Ice Bucket Challenge was not only for a good cause, but that my uh.. attractive friend would have a bucket of ice-water dumped on her.. In August. While she was wearing a white tanktop. My brains took WAY too long to put the two and two together.

Well, the night before the challenge, she sent me this text at around midnight. The text was her saying she left something in my room, and wanted me to find it for her. Well, what it was was a love note. It was her way of saying "I like you." A lot of time and preparation went in to this note, and I was blown away to say the least. The next morning, I went over to her house to talk about the note and what it meant for our friendship.

I'll be honest, I don't remember much of what we said. We just went to our friend's house because he was throwing a small get-together with alcohol. Being stupid 16 year-olds, we were all in on that offer, so we headed over. When we got there at about 1 PM, the drinking started. Neither me nor Brianna got super drunk or anything like that. We were at a halfway point between buzzed and blackout. Her and I began doing sexual forplay-like things. That's all I'm going to say as far as that goes because of the rules, and it really isn't integral to the story at all. All that matters is that I didn't have sexual intercourse with my friend. By the time it was time to leave, her and I decided to have sex at her house. I got really close, but the forces of nature didn't let it happen. I missed. I wasn't able to drive the car into the tunnel.

And honestly, that was a very good thing. I don't know what it would've done to our friendship say we had done it. I awkwardly left, got home, and told me parents EVERYTHING except for the alcohol. I said how I almost fucked my friend and stuff, and they gave me advice on what to do. The next day, I gave her a call and apologized profusely. She accepted my apology, and we were good. We still are. Two and a half years later, her and I are still best friends. We actually joke about the whole ordeal from back then.

Alright, now here's the kicker. Now that I'm single, I asked her how to get a girlfriend because honestly, I've only had two real ones, and both asked me out, not the other way around. Brianna told me "Well, you're an attractive guy that has that 'cute' look,' so it shouldn't be hard to find someone." That threw me through a loop. I realized I still have feelings for her. They aren't really strong or anything, but they're there for sure. I think they always have been, but I had juts pushed them away.

All in all, my hot female best friend of three years that I have a tiny bit of sexual history with, called me cute recently. Is that evidence enough that she likes me? I don't want to ruin our friendship.

ska8er
April 21st, 2017, 08:27 AM
"I wasn't able to drive the car into the tunnel"
LOL-Now that's cute. I'm not making fun of u but
she called u cute-she could have avoided u and said
nothing. So let it stand at that. Worry when she doesn't
talk at all. Stay friends.

BlackParadePixie
April 21st, 2017, 01:33 PM
From personal experience...calling a guy cute or attractive does not necessarily mean we like them, or want to have a relationship with them. I think she was just being honest with you...she obviously knows you're a nice guy, you've remained good friends all this time...so you have a good heart and are caring as well.

Her writing of that note...taking the time to hide it, and then calling you to find it? THAT is much more of a sign that she liked you and had strong feelings for you...much more than just saying you're cute. But in all honesty, I think you two may have tried to go from "jiust friends", to "I like you", to "Let's have sex", way too quick. And perhaps that scared her those years ago and why you have just remained friends since then.

There's a reason we all talk about a "friend zone." It totally exists, and it's because we are comfortable with you there. Sex complicates things. And if I have a really good friend/buddy relationship with a guy...I know that sex is just going to most likely muck things up or make it awkward.

She might still like you. But I think at this point you're both still friends because you're comfortable in that mutual relationship.

Uniquemind
April 21st, 2017, 01:33 PM
Well if you want her specifically, and want to see where it goes (is she single?) you can reverse the script she used on you and leave her a note explaining all of this.

You have to risk some awkwardness to get the reward in the end. Hence why warfare and love are constantly compared in historical references. Risk, action, inaction, reward or missed opportunities.

But NEVER go for a girl's heart with a coyness that also carries the tone of "be my girlfriend because we're conveniently near each other".

Always try to woo us because there's a passion of want there, but also a solid foundation to build something seriously long lasting.

PinkFloyd
April 21st, 2017, 10:36 PM
From personal experience...calling a guy cute or attractive does not necessarily mean we like them, or want to have a relationship with them. I think she was just being honest with you...she obviously knows you're a nice guy, you've remained good friends all this time...so you have a good heart and are caring as well.

Her writing of that note...taking the time to hide it, and then calling you to find it? THAT is much more of a sign that she liked you and had strong feelings for you...much more than just saying you're cute. But in all honesty, I think you two may have tried to go from "jiust friends", to "I like you", to "Let's have sex", way too quick. And perhaps that scared her those years ago and why you have just remained friends since then.

There's a reason we all talk about a "friend zone." It totally exists, and it's because we are comfortable with you there. Sex complicates things. And if I have a really good friend/buddy relationship with a guy...I know that sex is just going to most likely muck things up or make it awkward.

She might still like you. But I think at this point you're both still friends because you're comfortable in that mutual relationship.

I'm certainly not proud that her and I went from first base to an almost home run all in about 12 hours. Honestly, I see it as a 60/40 split. The 60 is that she just wants to remain friends. it's comfortable and it works. On the other hand, she did call me cute to my face; but like you said, that could have been her just telling me what she thought. Thank you so much for the advice. I'm gonna play it safe and stay friends.

"I wasn't able to drive the car into the tunnel"
LOL-Now that's cute. I'm not making fun of u but
she called u cute-she could have avoided u and said
nothing. So let it stand at that. Worry when she doesn't
talk at all. Stay friends.

Yeah, I'm gonna stick with being friends. She really is a fantastic friend that means the world to me. I don't want to lose that. And honestly, in my opinion, she's super hot, but I can't comfortably imagine having sex with her. It'd be way too weird. That, and I'd likely miss again. I still can't get it in myself AFTER A TWO AND A HALF YEAR LONG RELATIONSHIP. Agh. Anyways, thanks for the advice. It really means a ton.

Uniquemind
April 23rd, 2017, 12:32 PM
I'm certainly not proud that her and I went from first base to an almost home run all in about 12 hours. Honestly, I see it as a 60/40 split. The 60 is that she just wants to remain friends. it's comfortable and it works. On the other hand, she did call me cute to my face; but like you said, that could have been her just telling me what she thought. Thank you so much for the advice. I'm gonna play it safe and stay friends.



Yeah, I'm gonna stick with being friends. She really is a fantastic friend that means the world to me. I don't want to lose that. And honestly, in my opinion, she's super hot, but I can't comfortably imagine having sex with her. It'd be way too weird. That, and I'd likely miss again. I still can't get it in myself AFTER A TWO AND A HALF YEAR LONG RELATIONSHIP. Agh. Anyways, thanks for the advice. It really means a ton.

Allow me to enter the dialogue here and challenge you.

Why is it weird?

Is there some carnality to the attraction, that you internally feel conflicts with a desire to treat her like a decent person?

This is often a fear-based comfort zone situation for many people.

I say the opposite, take a risk but do so honestly when you understand what you want from her and yourself.

If you don't have feelings for her fine, stay friends. But if you do have feelings you're suppressing them due to awkwardness and fear, that's a missed chance.


Friendships at any given moment can drift and fade away for various reasons. Some examples are these which even affect adults and has been the foundation of many romance film plots (moving away, end up going to difference schools, career choices drag you apart geographically, people find new relationship interests).


What breaks up a relationship is a secondary choice that comes later determining if it ends up as a graceful breakup or a nasty one and usually those are communication and immaturity problems.

So it's a fallacy to assume a friendship becomes ruined if romance ends up not working out.


You should at least ask if she entertains the idea of a relationship and exploring where that goes and where each of your boundaries are.

NerdSquared
April 25th, 2017, 03:58 PM
Yeah, I'm not sure that she meant anything more than complimenting her friend. But if you really do like her, maybe you should try at least going over the topic with her. If she's as good a friend as you think, I'm pretty sure she'd understand.

jamie_n5
April 25th, 2017, 08:00 PM
I see no reason why you can't ask her out if you feel that you want to be more than friends and date. Most people have 3-5 or more relationships before they find the right mate.