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Rraven
April 18th, 2017, 01:28 AM
Hi so I just really need to rant about what I'm feeling/thinking right now i hope that's alright. Please don't judge me.

Ok so I am so confused right now because I have no idea which is better now or when I was self harming. When I was self harming I brushed my teeth every day I took showers every other day, I actually got up and did things I went for walks and danced I felt better but now since I've stopped I've started slipping back into my old ways, I haven't showered in probably a week, I haven't brushed my teeth in probably two weeks all I do is lay on the couch all day and play games on my phone, I don't have the energy to get up and do anything other than eat and it's making me feel fat and ugly.

The other day I told my mom I need to stop equating fat with ugly because it's wrecking my self image and she basically said yeah but there's nothing wrong with wanting to be thin and beautiful, I can't remember the last time she called me beautiful. The only time she says I'm pretty is when I have skin tight clothes on and ten pounds of makeup. Sometimes it's hard to look at myself in the mirror because all I see is a fat and grotesque pig who's constantly stuffing my face.

I was actually thinking how proud I was off myself earlier because I didn't try to commit suicide like the last time I was this bad now I find myself wanting to puke my guts up to be pretty.

I don't know what to do whenever I try talking to my mom about my feelings I feel like she treats me as if I'm crazy for feeling the things I do and as if it's my own fault for not getting up and doing more things. She acts as if my depression is my own fault and it sucks.

Anyway thank you for reading if you did.

Emilyyy
April 18th, 2017, 01:44 AM
There's no point going back to self harming as that's backward and not forward. Maybe try slowly doing more and more. Like start with gradually taking more showers and brushing your teeth more often. It doesn't have to be all at once. Do you have frinds you could meet? Maybe arrange to do something with them so it gives you a reason to make an effort.

Just remember you are worth more than you think. I am sure you are a lovely, kind hearted person and don't bring yourself down because of your weight. You are worth more than that chick!

Rraven
April 18th, 2017, 10:35 AM
There's no point going back to self harming as that's backward and not forward. Maybe try slowly doing more and more. Like start with gradually taking more showers and brushing your teeth more often. It doesn't have to be all at once. Do you have frinds you could meet? Maybe arrange to do something with them so it gives you a reason to make an effort.

Just remember you are worth more than you think. I am sure you are a lovely, kind hearted person and don't bring yourself down because of your weight. You are worth more than that chick!

Sadly I don't have any friends that I can hang out with and I never really talk to my friends online, thank you so much for the advice I'll try to get myself to slowly do things like that. I appreciate the advice.

Emilyyy
April 18th, 2017, 05:31 PM
Any time chick, also, I'm only ever a PM away if you just need someone to listen to ya :) I'll try and reply kinda quick :)

NathanFloGrown
April 18th, 2017, 05:38 PM
Now. I can totally understand where you are coming from. I know because my sister struggled with the same thing and I did to at 1 point. I can say this from experience though. I found...the only way TO change...is to WANT change. You have to ask yourself if you WANT to be a happier, more active person. I got addicted to working out because I was unhappy with my appearance how I acted. I got to the point where now. I work out 8 hours a day 5 days a week! All I can say is that you need to find something you love and pursue that.

What I recommend is the same thing that I do with working out. which is this

I Set a goal for myself...not a hard goal at all. Once I reach the goal. I make another one. Then another, so on, and so forth. Think of it this way.

There is a soldier. He is the last one left from his battalion. He was shot in his left leg and cant walk, his cantine for water is empty. The soldier finds a rock and reaches AS FARR as he can and draws a line in the dirt. He then crawls until he is over that line, once he has crossed the line. He then reaches AS FARR as he can again and draws another. Once again, he crawls until he has crossed it. He keeps doing this till he is rescued!

Perseverance is the key to coming out of your depression stages. Find something you love. and do it!

-Jake!

And, your not ugly. Your physical appearance is what You make of yourself. You have to know your pretty! <3

Posts merged. ~Endeavour

Rraven
April 19th, 2017, 02:43 AM
Now. I can totally understand where you are coming from. I know because my sister struggled with the same thing and I did to at 1 point. I can say this from experience though. I found...the only way TO change...is to WANT change. You have to ask yourself if you WANT to be a happier, more active person. I got addicted to working out because I was unhappy with my appearance how I acted. I got to the point where now. I work out 8 hours a day 5 days a week! All I can say is that you need to find something you love and pursue that.

What I recommend is the same thing that I do with working out. which is this

I Set a goal for myself...not a hard goal at all. Once I reach the goal. I make another one. Then another, so on, and so forth. Think of it this way.

There is a soldier. He is the last one left from his battalion. He was shot in his left leg and cant walk, his cantine for water is empty. The soldier finds a rock and reaches AS FARR as he can and draws a line in the dirt. He then crawls until he is over that line, once he has crossed the line. He then reaches AS FARR as he can again and draws another. Once again, he crawls until he has crossed it. He keeps doing this till he is rescued!

Perseverance is the key to coming out of your depression stages. Find something you love. and do it!

-Jake!

And, your not ugly. Your physical appearance is what You make of yourself. You have to know your pretty! <3

Posts merged. ~Endeavour

Thank you for the advice, it means a lot to me that I'm not the only person that's been threw this. I'll do as you suggest and try to set little goals for myself. I really do wanna be a better and happier person I wanna take care of myself so that I can help others in the future! Thank you for the advice it made me feel a bit better!

Amethyst Rose
April 19th, 2017, 06:14 PM
Sometimes motivation doesn't come easily, and bad practices can spiral out of control, but listen. You are worth more than you're giving yourself credit for. You're worthy of being listened to and worthy of good friends. The only thing stopping you from finding them is you. Get out of the house, go places you haven't been before and maybe you will encounter someone who will become important to you.

I get where you're coming from with the insecurity about your body. But beauty is much more than appearance. You're worried about other people judging you superficially, but how can you get anywhere when you're doing the same to yourself?

The reason you felt better when you self harmed is because that was your outlet for your negative feelings, that's where your energy went. That negative energy is doing nothing but accumulate while you're just sitting on the couch and not taking care of yourself. Find something that gives you a purpose, that you'll wake up in the morning and be excited to do.

I'm sorry your mom doesn't give you the concern you deserve when you talk to her. My dad doesn't understand depression either, so I can never talk to him about it. It's hard to grasp the magnitude of how depression can affect a person if you don't deal with it yourself. Just know that she is one person, and that doesn't mean others won't be happy to listen and help you.

LadyCheerup
April 24th, 2017, 06:26 AM
When you complain, cry, talk of sad feelings, or discuss problems, your friends and loved ones probably respond with sympathy and tender loving care. Unfortunately, these loving responses reward and help maintain the depressive behaviors. Some friends or family even take over chores for a depressed person who stays in bed or asks for help. Again, this rewards the passive or dependent behavior. Perhaps you reward yourself when you drown in negative thoughts or self-pity. Many depressed people eat, spend money excessively, abuse addictive substances, or have sex without love to feel better. Eliminate these and any other subtle rewards for depressive behavior.