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View Full Version : I have bad anger issues


cryptal
April 17th, 2017, 06:31 PM
I'll just start of by saying that I appreciate anyone who replies, because I already know that this will be a super long post. (even if you reply with tl;dr :D)
I have anger management issues. I seriously don't think that it's bad, but they say that people who have OCD don't know that they have it either, so I can't argue.
I want to say that I'm better than when I was little, because I swear I'm really really trying. Honestly, it's embarrassing for me to admit that I even have them, which is partly the problem. I will admit here that it's me. I don't think that it's anyone else's fault except my own.
I'm 14, I'm in 8th grade (canada), and my mom and I were really close until I started grade 8. Despite admitting to have anger issues herself, my mom has always wanted me to control my anger better. I think that this year she snapped. I don't blame her.
I get so mad at everything. I snap at my dad when he bothers me while I'm doing homework or watching Youtube on my laptop. I feel so bad immediately afterwards because he doesn't deserve it. I get mad at my mom when she yells for me to practice piano or take a bath, but I shouldn't because she's right. I get mad at my older sister when she does something that I think is annoying, which I know isn't right because I know that I'm annoying to her too. I get mad at myself for eating too much. I get mad at myself for not practicing piano. I get mad at myself for not getting 100% on a test that everyone else did well on. I get mad at myself for getting mad.
I hate it, and I react and I let my family know that I'm mad by groaning and whining, and yelling at my mom and my sister (for some reason I have never yelled at my dad), and I know that I act like a 5 year old.

I feel like there are so many problems with me, but this is obviously one of the biggest. When I get mad with my cousins and grandma(all living in my house as well), I don't show it. But I know that it's still not good, because I shouldn't even be getting mad in the first place.

This is getting really bad and I absolutely hate talking about it in person, and I can already tell that my mom is getting so tired of it. She's always upset about something, even if it's at my cousins, I know that it's partly my fault. I feel terrible and I will never admit something like this to my parents or my sister because I think that I deserve dignity(and believe me I cringe as I type this). I have always felt closer to my sister than to my parents, since she's only a year older. I am comfortable telling her my crushes, my passwords, stories from school, things I have done, and secrets that only she knows, but I feel like I could never discuss my anger issues without getting angry. If we're ever fighting, she will instantly bring it up because she knows that it will get me more angry.
I hate myself the most for this because I know that I will die lonely because of it. Not everyone is as nice and tolerating as my dad. applause to him for surviving in the mad house of 4 angry people(me, my mom, me, and mostly me.)
I want to die painlessly now and forget about everything. I will probably look at what I typed in about 3 minutes and delete that sentence and wonder why the hell I type that, but that's probably the angry side of me and how I feel so im just going to post this quickly.

thank you,
angry psycho girl :(

ClaraWho
April 18th, 2017, 09:37 AM
Well firstly the extreme judgemental attitude you have towards yourself is only going to feed the self-hate and anger. It sounds less like you are angry and more like frustration.

Anger is the consequence of other emotions becoming too much, subsequently morphing.

That's why people get angry when they are frustrated or hurt.

So what is it in your life that you feel you don't have control over?

That question seems key. In terms of what you can practically do today to make change, is to start mindfulness practice. Ignore the hippy versions of it, no spiritual mumbojumbo or 'energies' please. But a meditation based mindfulness practice, where you control your breathing and focus on it, might really help.

Remember that mindfulness is a PRACTICE though. You have to keep at it for it to work.

~ Clara