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Ran_Rosalinda
April 4th, 2017, 09:30 AM
Hello guys, i hope you're doing well...

So, we all know how difficult the life is when you self harm, it's just horrible, depressing and very painful.
It's being 5 months since my first cut, i am actually the kind of people that everybody find mysterious, weird and Misunderstood, because i'm so shy and i can't talk to people, i mean, i'm an introvert and the reason of all that is that i'm so afraid of people because a lot of them betrayed me so many times, now i don't make friends because i don't want to repeat the same mistakes, so i became isolated and people thought i was weird.
I actually have 3 friends now, but my problem is that i don't talk about my problemes, i walk across the world with a great smile on my face, pretending that i'm so happy and having fun while i'm so hurt inside..
I always help everybody, everyone who has a problem, they all come to me to seek for an advice or a solution, and i always do my best to help everybody, but when it comes to me, i don't even know how to start; for me, talking about my problemes means that i'm weak, i thought i was strong enough to solve all my problemes alone, and that was the result..
I couldn't hold the pain inside me anymore, i had to put it out, but i had no one to turn to because i trust nobody, so i just started cutting myself, and seeing the world diffrently, seeing myself diffrently, feeling like i don't matter, like i'm just a mistake, unloved and so undeserving of love, everybody hates me, and i hate myself too, i was looking to the mirror and seeing a disgusting pathetic creature, and sadly, it was me!
fortunatly, my mother is a psychologiste, i realized how stupid i was to hurt myself when i could just talk to her..
So i finally decided to get help, a friend of mine that saw my scars and understood what i was doing to myself helped me to get to tell my mother about that. My mom helped me a lot, but i don't think i sent her the right message, i didn't managed to make her understand how i really feel; and also, my mom is a great psychologiste but when it came to me she was so surprised and so sad that she became very enthusiastic, but it was also clear that she was a bit angry..
I learned that talking about my problemes doesn't mean i'm weak, and holding the pain inside doesn't mean i'm strong, i realized that i was just stupid, and that all those things were just lies that i was telling to myself, i got my self respect back and i chose the right persons to be my friends, and now i'm chilling with people slowly..
the probleme is, i can't break the habit, i stop cutting for months, but i always come back again, and nobody knows, i can't tell anyone, my mom would be so angry if she knew, i don't want to hurt her, but i really feel the need to see someone, maybe another psychologiste because my mom can't be my mother and my psychologiste at the same time it's impossible; the probleme is not her, it's me.. It's so hard for me to tell her about how i'm really feeling, i don't get to make her understand because i don't want to hurt her anymore..
I tried to distract myself, i managed to stop myself for months, but i always do it again at the end, even though i know it'll make me feeling like shit after, but i can"t stop myself..
i found myself in a dilemma, and now i'm falling on depression, i don't know what to do, i'm so afraid of myself and i have nobody..
Please, if you have any solution, or any advice you can give me, please help me, maybe that happened also to you guys, please tell me how you managed to get out of that nightmare..
Thank you so much, and sorry for the long text.

I really enjoy being here an it helps me to distract myself, but i still need help, i always feel the urge even if my day is not so bad, sometimes it's not bad at all!

Kooy
April 4th, 2017, 10:06 AM
Have you talked to your friend about things? Don't scare them if you decide to obviously but open up to them. Suport from a friend is one of the most crucial things I could think of. Also you could ask your mother if you where anle to see a therapist or a counselor. I wish i was more help then that. Their is also the 741-741 text crisis hotline.

Ran_Rosalinda
April 5th, 2017, 06:59 AM
Have you talked to your friend about things? Don't scare them if you decide to obviously but open up to them. Suport from a friend is one of the most crucial things I could think of. Also you could ask your mother if you where anle to see a therapist or a counselor. I wish i was more help then that. Their is also the 741-741 text crisis hotline.

If i ask my mother to take me to a therapist or a counselor she'll ask for the reason and she'll want to see my arms, she'll discover then that i haven't stopped cutting like she thinks then she'll ask me why i didn't talk to her, seeing someone else instead of my mother would hurt her, and i don't think i want to hurt her anymore, she've already had enough, but do you think i should tell my friend again even thought i know she'll be very disappointed with me?
thank you also for your advices also, they made think again about if i should ask for help or not.

Kooy
April 5th, 2017, 10:15 PM
If i ask my mother to take me to a therapist or a counselor she'll ask for the reason and she'll want to see my arms, she'll discover then that i haven't stopped cutting like she thinks then she'll ask me why i didn't talk to her, seeing someone else instead of my mother would hurt her, and i don't think i want to hurt her anymore, she've already had enough, but do you think i should tell my friend again even thought i know she'll be very disappointed with me?
thank you also for your advices also, they made think again about if i should ask for help or not.

My friend was furious with me and then focused it on.. Other.. Pleople.. When she found out what i was up to. People who care only get upset because they care. It shows they care. So you could tell your friend again if you trust they won't be to drastic. And ofcose 741-741 ive used it before. They send a buch of links to sites to help with specific issues.