View Full Version : Social Isolation Spiral

March 29th, 2017, 10:54 AM
Basically. I like to over analyse things. Here I wrote this. Read it if you feel like the title got you interested. Might've been click-baity lol.

Basically, there’s a standard for teenagers these days. I’ve seen this throughout many years actually, with the “popular kids” being more “popular” than the rest. Thus affecting their social “rating”. I’m going to use quotations a lot, this is because, again, the standard I don’t agree with. I find these words too general and too bold. For they hold a stupid meaning. I’m going to give an example. Person A and Person B. Now Person A has a girlfriend, she’s hot, he has any friends. He’s very sporty and is generally a jerk to “non-populars”. (We’ll be using that term for now). Person B is a normal guy, does sports like golf, loves chess and likes to hang out in the air-condition. He hardly speaks to girls and is always nose deep in a book. Person C, is having a party. Both person A and B are invited. They both accept the invite. Let’s pretend everyone is coming to the party and Person C is neutral. P-A is hanging out with the “popular kids” while P-B is playing chess with one of his friends near the food table. Usually, (speaking generally here), P-A doesn’t want to hang out with P-B. But, one of P-A’s friends walks over and bumps into P-B. Person D tells P-B to piss off but P-D accidentally trips over P-B’s legs. Usually in this situation, P-A would come over, embarrass P-B for messing with P-D. Now P-B has two options here. Option one will be in red, while option two is in blue. Please only read either option 1 or option 2 not both.
Option 1. Being the “shy” person that Person B is, he gets a blank face and says nothing. Trying to act casual, he turns away his face and goes back to playing chess. I’ve seen this so many times before. You don’t even know.
Things like this have lead to many more problems. Even getting humiliated by the “popular kids” once, is enough to cause major depression, suicidal thoughts and can lead to things like cutting (self harm). When P-B goes back to school, the chances are P-B would be fine on the outside, he would walk around casually. But in other people’s minds, they know. Hey, that’s the kid that messed with P-D, what an idiot. But of course on the inside, P-B is slowing breaking down. It’s mainly from the pressure of others.
Option 2. Person B has had enough of the “popular kids” and decides to stand up to P-A and D. Assuming that this is civilised society, no physical contact is used. However, P-B starts pushing up on P-A. P-A gets energised by P-B’s confidence, then P-A tears. P-B. Down. P-B strikes up a powerful argument. It may be more sold and more “hurtful” than P-A’s however, P-A has “popularity” on his side. P-A’s wins the word battle. This is because the fact that P-A has more of a reputation to the “popular kids”, P-A wins the overall crowd. Since whatever the “popular kids” say goes, right? P-B gets embarrassed, goes home crying because of how he knew that he put up a better fight than P-A did, but he had an unfair bias. Meaning that the next day, people would pick on him even more just to provoke him. Which not necessarily (I’ve never seen it before, I’m just assuming this time) but may lead to P-B getting suicidal thoughts, self harm or just self doubt. He would break down inside, and over time he wouldn’t have any confidence to help him get through his average daily life.
“Popularity”. Hehe, I hate this word. Popularity, in my words, is a phrase used to describe an object or person which has a bias towards them/it in an overall community. Whether it be Kobe Bryant to a gold iPhone cover. The standard at a typical high school here in disclosed location is that (from what i’ve personally noticed) whatever someone “popular” says, goes. If someone who isn’t “popular”, does something that a “popular” person doesn’t like, then it leads to the popular person talking about him behind his back, causing what he did to go around. Then he is stuck in what I like to call, the social isolation spiral. It’s basically saying, go against the “popular” majority, you are stuck in a social isolation, you can’t get out of this area, hence the spiral. I recently talked to my friend undisclosed name that starts with the letter T. I think he qualifies for the “popular” social standard. As he fits my personal requirements (ones that I’ve noticed with trends over the years). I spoke to him about him getting mad at his work partner, for doing something bad. He had was talking about her not doing work and looking at memes and going off topic. I explained to him my view on the situation, talked to him about the social isolation spiral and listened to his response.
“Uuuuuh, yeah I guess I agree with you… Okay i’m gonna go see ya...”
It shows how unaware people are of this problem. I feel like it should be more recognised. My friend, undisclosed name that starts with S, is very lazy, quite overweight and is not very “popular”. She is addicted to her phone. Always on social media, always texting others and hoping for a response. Always liking everyone’s photo. If someone she knows is having a party, she will act like she doesn’t really care, but obviously wants to go the party. To be honest, I find this sad. She is doing this because of pressure. These are standards. In order to “fit it” with everyone else. But the “popular kids” aren’t being mean to her, so why is she so pressurised? Well that’s exactly it, she’s under this pressure of having to fit it with the “popular kids” just to avoid ridicule. A while back, there’s this kid. Undisclosed name that starts with the letter J, he is the most annoying, “feeling downer” ever. He thinks he’s “popular” but everyone knows he isn’t. Just hearing his voice is annoying. He was arguing with my friend about something. I wasn’t exactly paying attention. However what did catch my attention is when he said, “well who’s more popular?”. Now everyone was listening. At this point I intervened. I said “so what? Does it matter who’s popular?” then told him about the social isolation spiral. Of course he doesn’t listen. But what I noticed was that all the “popular kids” were on my side. (I’m neutral). But were going against J even though (even though J only thinks he’s “popular”) was more popular than I am. (Again, I’m neutral, I don’t care.). It seemed unfair in this situation as well. I wasn’t exactly sure what to do.

This is just me over analysing a situation as I like to do. But my others people’s opinion mean nothing to me. I don’t care about this standard. Theres the spiral, then there’s the “popular” circle. I’m in the don’t care box. But It worries me to see others like this. I don’t like this “standard” as it sets unnecessary boundaries on what teens can do, as it will probably affect their reputation. It’s just like having a rating system, where you rate people, and what you get can seriously affect your life. Of course, this is only my observations. This may not be your case. Or you may completely disagree. But I notice this is becoming more and more obvious.

And yes, I am aware of Black Mirror. :P

March 29th, 2017, 03:24 PM
Wow, that's a lot. Im guessing you're just venting. We can help these people.

April 1st, 2017, 07:19 AM
Living with severe social anxiety, I can attest to the number of problems that can come from social isolation.

Even though I never got bullied, & I never cared about the "popular" crowd, I never really talked to anybody in school. I've only ever had a few friends, and I never got close to them.

I was content with how I was for the longest time, I didn't mind being a loner.
I've always considered myself to be more of an intellectual, so the low-level conversation that my classmates were having never interested me.

But the isolation started taking it's toll.
I started to feel outcast, I started to think that nobody liked me, that everyone thought I was "weird".
Which is weird because used to not care what my classmates thought, I knew I was ahead of most of them.

If I was sitting in class and I had to throw something away, it became a huge obstacle in my head and anxiety would kick in.
"Everyone's going to be looking at me, what if I do something wrong?"

And those thoughts started to happen more and more, about every little thing that I did, in front of anybody.
-Walking from class to class.
-Raising my hand to ask to go to the bathroom.
-Any amount of talking to anybody.
I stopped raising my hand to answer questions. When before I was always eager to showcase my knowledge, as I was usually at the top of my classes.

I ended up getting dropped from school as I went less & less; I couldn't handle it anymore.

Getting taken out of school has only isolated me even more.
I don't have any friends, I don't go out anywhere, I never leave the house.

I was attempting to catch up on credits by going to OFY, 2 days a week, 1 1/2 hours each, individual study.
But I kept falling behind, & I struggled to see a reason why I should even bother anymore.

I just got dropped from the program this Thursday as I failed to make it to my third appointment this month.
I couldn't keep living like this, individual study isn't going to help.

I don't know where I'm gonna go from here, and I'm scared honestly. I'm not gonna graduate on time.

But I know that isolating myself isn't the answer. That's what started this whole thing in the first place.