View Full Version : Apologizing to my step-mom when I don't feel like I should

March 4th, 2017, 08:12 AM
Last night, I was given the task to watch my two step-sisters from 5:30 pm to 10:00 pm. It was like every other time I've babysat them, so nothing much. However, I was tired (as usual) and wanted to go to bed when my dad and step mom came back. So I did.

Everybody was settled in for the night, then my step mom need her phone from her car (at the time I didn't know what she was doing. I didn't even know it was her who'd gotten up, much less why). I have windows at the top of my room, so I see every single light that turns on and off, and I cannot sleep if any of them are on. Both parents are aware of this.

Like most times the lights are on when I'm trying to sleep, I commented to myself "Oh my god I'm trying to sleep". I wasn't talking to the person, I was more or less expressing my frustration to myself. Somehow, my step mom heard me, and thought I was talking to her I guess. I didn't even know who was up or why.

This morning, my dad woke me up at 6 am to tell me I was very rude last night. I had no idea what he was talking about. So now, I have to apologize to my step mom, which I've never had to do because I've never been rude to her. I don't want to apologize because it wasn't meant for her in the first place. I wasn't talking to her. I'd much rather explain that she heard me talking to myself, and have it be over with. I didn't do anything intentionally, and nothing was directed towards her.

So can someone help me here? Am I out of line? Also, I've never apologized to her, how should I go about this? I try to avoid situations like this because they stress me out, and I don't like confrontation.

March 4th, 2017, 08:47 AM
I would simply explain your side of the story. Remain in control of your emotions btw. Screaming and yelling doesn't help your cause. Be calm.

If they insist on an apology, say something like "I feel bad that you thought that comment was meant for you when it wasn't'.

March 4th, 2017, 10:28 AM
You don't have to apologize for being rude to her because you weren't. Explain that your comment wasn't aimed at anyone and tell her you're sorry for the misunderstanding. If you've seen how she reacted in similar situations with other people, that might help you with how to approach her about it also.

March 4th, 2017, 02:27 PM
This comes down to the nuances of the situation and her personality.

Sometimes it is better to just shrug and say sorry, sometimes in the grand scheme of things a lie to someone you don't care much for is easier. It means nothing. What I'm trying to say is pick your battles, you'll exhaust yourself on trivial things otherwise that aren't worth the effort.

Alternatively, saying 'dad woke me up this morning to say you thought I was quite rude last night?' opens the conversation for her to explain what she heard. I.e. she will say what she overheard. At that point you can say sorry she thought it was directed at her, but you were just frustrated at being kept awake by the light, the same way someone might be rude to a computer for freezing/being slow when in a rush.

~ Clara

March 4th, 2017, 11:22 PM
In these situations, it is often better to shallow your pride and simply say you're sorry than to make a big debate regarding it.

March 6th, 2017, 07:21 AM
I kind of agree with the above about swallowing your pride here BUT I think the danger is setting a bad precedent to always cave to authority there's a balance you have to strike here.

If I were in your shoes, I'd stress the context of the situation that:

1. You were half-asleep, and had no visual confirmation of who turned on the light, and therefore no idea of the peaking order in how to respond. The same situation gone a different way could've caused you to think a burglar was in the house.

2. You don't have a pre-established reputation of being a rude step-child, so you'd like to ask for benefit of the doubt it wasn't purposeful.

If she freaks out and pulls a power trip, well I guess you learn something about her as a person and tailor future encounters with her accordingly.

People's sensitivities, they're a tricky inconsistent and often hypocritical maze.

March 8th, 2017, 01:53 PM
i would say apologize:

"hey i'm sorry you thought I was yelling at you, it wasn't anything personal and wasn't directed AT you by any means, just saw the light come on right as i was about to sleep"

March 8th, 2017, 03:22 PM
Sometimes its just easier to say sorry and move on

March 8th, 2017, 09:45 PM
You're right, she's wrong. But this doesn't matter. Just apologize and move on. There are more important things in life to worry about. If you spend so much time agonizing over such small details that happen like this or just in general any/every time someone slights you (or that you perceive it this way, but in this case I do believe you're right), then you'll have a miserable and depressing life. Just accept that it's not fair, apologize, and move on.

March 10th, 2017, 11:57 AM
I'd say you should apologise. You can explain the while thing but just saying sorry and moving on would be better here.

March 11th, 2017, 08:04 AM
Just say sorry even tho u think u
didn't do anything wrong.

Arguments don't solve anything.