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View Full Version : Was I taken advantage of?


KBar33
February 23rd, 2017, 01:15 AM
Hey guys, I have something that's been on my mind and it's been really burning inside me. Hope that I can get some help with this. This one's gonna be a hell of a read so buckle up and grab some popcorn.



Okay, so about four days ago I was at a party with a group of friends. As you would expect, I got drunk and so did my friends. I was having a really good time, but even when I'm drunk I know my limit and can tell when I am going to cross the line where I am not gonna remember stuff the next day. Normally when I get to this point I either stop drinking or drink a lot of water. This particular night was after a very stressful week of exams and stuff like that so I really wanted to go all out, and so I did. I got very intoxicated well beyond the point where I still have most of my sensibilities about me.

This isn't ever a problem since I almost always have my group of friends with me to make sure I'm not in any danger. However this night they ended up taking an uber somewhere, I don't know where. But throughout the night I noticed that there was this guy who kept on hitting on me at the party, we'll just call him Dylan, and I wasn't particularly attracted to him. He seemed like a nice enough guy, but I didn't feel any attraction to him. So while I was still sober or sober-ish I just didn't flirt back with him or go along with his advances. I still talked to him like a friend would talk to a friend, even though we never really talked but I've seen him on campus. It was all going fine and I didn't give him anything else but friendly conversation; then we started taking shots.

As previously stated I was at a level in which I was clearly very buzzed/ semi-drunk. Once the shots started flowing, I was on a whole other level. I was having a great time, and I remember that Dylan asked me to take jello shots for him, and of course drunk me is all like hell yeah!! I take a few regular shots, but a shit ton of jello shots. As I write this, I just recalled the fact that I didn't recall how much Dylan drank, but I remember clear as day that he didn't really take many shots. I know for a fact he didn't take regular shots which are way stronger than jello shots, I just think that it's very sketchy. But anyways, my friends were long gone and the night is still fairly young (it's about 2:00) so Dylan asked me if I wanted to smoke some weed. I don't smoke hardly ever but if someone asks me then I am down. So we start smoking, I don't remember anything about what actually happened when we were smoking so I can't really speak on that. But it all changed when we got apparently got an uber to take us back from the party.

At this point I am so very drunk that I cannot even walk straight and can only remember a few things hear and there.

Me and Dylan live in the same neighborhood so I figured we'd just go back to his place and I figured that I'd just go home from his house. But I remember getting out of the uber and him grabbing my hand and pulling me towards his house. Initially I pulled away to go to my house but he insisted and I just went along with it and didn't think much of it. So we go inside his house and went upstairs to his room. I was very very drunk and high at this point and this is where things start to get fuzzy. I remember getting on the top of the bed and just plopping down like I wanted to go to sleep. But he starts to get undressed. I take off my shoes and socks and shirt but keep my pants on. I saw him take more things off until eventually he was naked. I normally would've walked out of the room and wouldn't look back, but drunk me did the same thing, and we ended up having sex. I hardly remembering anything about what we did but I do remember bits and pieces but I won't go into an in depth analysis. However I do remember one little tidbit. Dylan, I am just gonna be blunt for a second, inserted himself into me, and it hurt really bad. I couldn't take it and told him that it hurt, but I also didn't straight up say to 'stop it'. Beyond that I cant remember much beyond scattered bits of the night.

The morning after the party when I finally woke up and found that I was naked in bed with Dylan I honestly didn't feel very happy with myself. I felt so shitty, from the alcohol to the emotions. I was not very happy with myself once I realized what I just did with him. I had a major hangover and felt like shit because of all the stuff I consumed, but Dylan was totally fine which in hindsight makes things more suspicious. When I we were both finally awake I really wanted to just walk out immediately but I for some stupid reason feel like SOMEHOW I WOULD BE THE ASSHOLE if I just said what needed to be said. I really wanted to just leave, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings because IDK I was really confused and didn't know what to feel or how to react. So we both wake up, and I leave his place. As I walk down the street I am feeling very ashamed, I let myself get to a point where I would just accept any person's advances, I let myself get to a point where I could've gotten seriously hurt if it was a different person, etc. I was not very happy.

My question to you guys, is that given what I have just told you do you guys think that I was taken advantage of, or possibly even raped? I personally don't think I'd call it rape since I inevitably had to say yes to him at one point. But IDK since I was drunk and high I technically couldn't give consent. IDK, I just kind of feel like given the evidence that he did something pretty scummy. I just can't get past the fact that he wanted me to take shots while he didn't take shots himself, he purposefully lead me into his house when I made it clear I wanted to go home, when he did a certain sexual action to me I told him it hurt but he kept on doing it (granted I never specifically said the word 'stop'), etc. I just feel like if it wasn't for me getting drunk that I would've never put myself through that situation and I kind of get a vibe that he took advantage of that. Granted I cannot 100% perfectly describe how much he drank that night, but gauging by the way he acted that morning it didn't seem like he got too hammered. I just don't want to immediately vilify this guy just in case he genuinely didn't have bad intentions. But anyways that's the end of my story, I'd like to know what you guys think.

Bull
February 23rd, 2017, 07:31 AM
You were taken advantage of due to your drunken condition. By your account you went along with what was taking place, but indicate you would not have done so were you not drunk, which says to me you were not really opposed to what was taking place, just not with Dylan. I hope that in the future you will be more responsible with drinking and drugs. As you said it could have been a lot worse had it been someone other than Dylan. Do not let yourself fall into such a situation again. Drink, responsibly. As you now know drinking to excess can lead to unintended consequences. Good luck in the future.

Anniebanannie
February 23rd, 2017, 07:32 PM
I'm glad you didn't get seriously hurt. As I was reading, I was waiting for you to stop drinking and stop putting yourself in compromising situations, but you never did. You knew better, but you kept going, step by step. Why was that? To keep this from happening again, it might be a good thing to figure out.

I'm sorry that was so blunt. I really am sorry the whole thing happened.

Microcosm
February 23rd, 2017, 11:01 PM
KBar33,

If he didn't get drunk, but he encouraged you to, and he then actually penetrated you, it's rape. Unfortunately, this would legally be pretty difficult to prove as it usually is.

Just know this: You did not cause this. He made the decision to rape you--the conscious decision. Sure, you compromised your own sobriety by drinking, but he was the one who capitalized on that. And I can understand feeling bad about not saying what needed to be said the next morning. I would've done the same thing most likely. It's an awkward situation and I'm sure you wanted to just leave as soon as possible. In such a condition, you were likely panicking and therefore would've had a hard time fighting the good fight anyways. Being able to stand up for yourself under extreme pressure or in awkward situations is a pretty hard skill to develop if you haven't been developing it since childhood. It's a problem for me, too, so I know how you feel.

KBar33
February 24th, 2017, 01:57 AM
Anniebanannie No worries, you are simply stating the facts. You're totally right. I kept on drinking, I at the time didn't think that he was going to do anything nefarious. I forgot that my friends already left and was under the assumption they were still there so a I kept on going. I realize where I made the lapse in judgement and am now prepared to make better choices and stay safer. But I honestly sometimes just drink to get away from my own inadequacies and problems, though I'm not an alcoholic and can go however long I want without substances, sometimes I just like to forget about my problems and this is one really bad way I go about helping it. I definitely put myself in a bad place that night and I am still slapping myself because it wouldn't have happened if I just didn't make a stupid decision. It's honestly my fault it got that far and I'm not letting it down.

Anniebanannie
February 24th, 2017, 09:51 PM
Anniebanannie No worries, you are simply stating the facts. You're totally right. I kept on drinking, I at the time didn't think that he was going to do anything nefarious. I forgot that my friends already left and was under the assumption they were still there so a I kept on going. I realize where I made the lapse in judgement and am now prepared to make better choices and stay safer. But I honestly sometimes just drink to get away from my own inadequacies and problems, though I'm not an alcoholic and can go however long I want without substances, sometimes I just like to forget about my problems and this is one really bad way I go about helping it. I definitely put myself in a bad place that night and I am still slapping myself because it wouldn't have happened if I just didn't make a stupid decision. It's honestly my fault it got that far and I'm not letting it down.

I know about wanting to just forget about problems for a while. And when you're with your friends, you're fine. Maybe next time you can tell them not to leave without you.

nwtnguy
February 25th, 2017, 10:24 AM
You should never allow yourself to get so drunk or high that you are in this state. I don't think he raped you. You knew he liked you and you went to his house to spend the night. He probably thought you were interested. Unfortunately, when people drink too much they do things they regret. This is a true example of that. You should learn a valuable lesson. Do you remember if he used protection? This should be your biggest worry

Dragonmaster69
March 1st, 2017, 08:07 PM
Sucks and I am sorry you were taking advantage of. I would not say raped but He deff did some shady shit by sleeping with you when you were so messed up you didn't really know what was going on. But yes as was pointed out, you should never get that fucked up around large groups of people that you don't know. When my friends and I go to a party and I'm only 15 but. One of us always stays sober and babysits the others.

scott2002
March 2nd, 2017, 01:58 AM
I normally would've walked out of the room and wouldn't look back, but drunk me did the same thing, and we ended up having sex. I hardly remembering anything about what we did but I do remember bits and pieces but I won't go into an in depth analysis. However I do remember one little tidbit. Dylan, I am just gonna be blunt for a second, inserted himself into me, and it hurt really bad. I couldn't take it and told him that it hurt, but I also didn't straight up say to 'stop it'. Beyond that I cant remember much beyond scattered bits of the night.

The morning after the party when I finally woke up and found that I was naked in bed with Dylan I honestly didn't feel very happy with myself. I felt so shitty, from the alcohol to the emotions. I was not very happy with myself once I realized what I just did with him. I had a major hangover and felt like shit because of all the stuff I consumed, but Dylan was totally fine which in hindsight makes things more suspicious.

My question to you guys, is that given what I have just told you do you guys think that I was taken advantage of, or possibly even raped?

OMG, Yes YOU WERE RAPED!!!

ClovesXIII
March 9th, 2017, 11:21 PM
I wouldn't call this rape. But yes, he did indeed take advantage of you, and for the safety of your mentality and physical state, I'd steer clear of him.

Just JT
March 10th, 2017, 12:08 AM
You should never allow yourself to get so drunk or high that you are in this state. I don't think he raped you. You knew he liked you and you went to his house to spend the night. He probably thought you were interested. Unfortunately, when people drink too much they do things they regret. This is a true example of that. You should learn a valuable lesson. Do you remember if he used protection? This should be your biggest worry

You might want to see your doc and get tested for std's

Sucks and I am sorry you were taking advantage of. I would not say raped but He deff did some shady shit by sleeping with you when you were so messed up you didn't really know what was going on. But yes as was pointed out, you should never get that fucked up around large groups of people that you don't know. When my friends and I go to a party and I'm only 15 but. One of us always stays sober and babysits the others.

Good idea, good plan bro

OMG, Yes YOU WERE RAPED!!!

Not sure I'd agree with you being raped, taken advantage of? Yes
But rape....no

I wouldn't call this rape. But yes, he did indeed take advantage of you, and for the safety of your mentality and physical state, I'd steer clear of him.

You may want to talk to a professional about this to if it keeps bothering you. Taken advantage of like this can leave very deep scars that never seem to heal. Talking, as painful as it might feel, does help. Trust me on that ok?

camille78
March 21st, 2017, 06:56 AM
He was taking advantage of you. And I'm glad you are not seriously hurt.