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Need
January 29th, 2017, 12:41 AM
When I was younger kids at school used to call me gay because of the way I acted, so I learned to change. I learned to act "straight". Soon, no one called me gay or even expected it. I tried so hard for years to change who I was and deny who I am. Today, I have friends and a good family, to them I'm just a happy kid, always smiling and laughing, but deep down I'm dying. No one knows the real me, I don't even know the real me. I've been lying to myself for so long that I don't know who I am anymore. I've learned to cry silently so at night no one can hear me crying myself to sleep. I want to be myself, but no one will except me for me. I've heard my family talk about gays as they are some kind of freaks. My friends call gays disgusting. I don't want to disappoint my family, I don't want my family to shun me. I want to keep my friends, I don't want them to leave me because of who I like. It's getting harder and harder each day. My family and friends are all asking: "why don't you ever date?". I just want it all to end, I'm sick of being afraid to be myself.

Amethyst Rose
January 29th, 2017, 01:01 AM
Welcome to the site :)

I'm sorry to hear of your situation. The only way you are going to be happy is being true to yourself, and that means opening up to your friends and family. You said that you don't know who you are anymore, but it seems to me like you know and just don't want to accept it. You have to accept yourself before you can expect anyone else to.

If your friends really care about you, they will remain as such and accept you. The same goes for your family. It's not healthy to keep everything bottled up or keep denying yourself like this, and you shouldn't have to feel this way. Is there an adult you trust enough talk to outside of your family, like a counselor or a teacher?

I hope you'll get the courage to open up - I hate knowing you're in pain.

Just JT
January 29th, 2017, 08:04 AM
I agree. I get this is hard to accept. People always want to be accepted by their friends and family and will do almost anything to gain that acceptance. Even at the cost of there own sanity.

What I'll say is, like Amethyst said, you know yourself better than you think. But what to do now....?

Be yourself. ...

In the end it'll be fine. You'll loose friends, and disappoint family. That will happen anyways, regardless of what you say or do. That's just a part of life. Your family will get over it.... or not. And if not it'll be there loss. And if your friends turn their back then shame on them bro cause they never were in the first place. Friends don't do that to friends. Friends stand beside friends, not across from them caller no them names and judging them

So branch out and meet some new people. You might be surprised who you meet and their inferent views on different issues. And if they don't/won't support you for being you and who you are, move on bro

End of day, there's plenty of people here in vt who will support you here and now that you'll learn to call friends to. If you choose to stay here. And me? I hope you do. Your post seemed very genuine and real. And that's the kinda person you are

So welcome to vt. My names JT. Happy to talk anytime bro

ska8er
January 29th, 2017, 01:17 PM
U cant force urself to b something
that u r not. If ur friends cant accept u
then its time to meet new friends.

jamie_n5
January 30th, 2017, 08:38 PM
I am sorry man. I kind of went through of some of the things you did. The why don't you date or don't you want to go with girls crap. You need to do something so you can be happy again. Maybe it would be better after high school when you are out on your own. But either way you need to be yourself and the hell with the others. My friends were cool for a short time but all of them came back. I went through pure hell with my parents too but they eventually came around too. You need to do this for you man so you can be who you were meant to be.

countryplowboy
January 30th, 2017, 11:20 PM
Be yourself...if you're pleasing everyone else then you can't please yourself...I know life is tough it's hard and can fuck you up but, life is amazing and fun and exciting too...it's a wild ride so just hang on and roll with it..but above all You Have to be happy with yourself and accept who you are.then let everything else fall where it may

Lyly
February 19th, 2017, 11:08 AM
I understand you cause i feel the same with my parents and friends. Mostly my parents because they don't understand why i feel sad whereas i have "everything to feel good". So i pretend to be happy, so as not to disappointed them.

idefineme
February 19th, 2017, 01:17 PM
This is not an easy circumstance but i do hope you find the real you, dare i say that the real you won't change whether you're gay or straight. Always remember you are very special and if others can't see that because you don't look off act like them that's their problem.