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Tobyisnotdead
January 28th, 2017, 07:30 PM
The girl with the delightful blue smile.
Ah, yes the girl with the delightful blue smile.
I remember her well.
I remember the smile and the flash of joy you would get every time you saw it.
The smile had a radiance to it and I always caught myself crying at how delightful it was, tears of joy of course.
However there was always something colorful with depression behind that delightful expression.
Hence the blueness of the smile.
I wish everyone could have seen the amazing phenomena known as smiling.
It inspires us to be better people and I believe that girl knew it.
She would smile even on the hardest days, again with the cool, dark color blue always hidden away, but you could just see the little amount of it escaping.
Everyone enjoyed her smile, until one day no one saw it.
Then another day, until we started to get used to the depressing existence of our lives.
Years later I would find out that the dark, evil hands of death had been slowly killing her from the inside.
The fact that something so vile that could kill something so beautiful is another question for another day.
However despite the never ending pain, whether it be mental or physical, she would always be seen with the same blue smile that would light up the ‘hell on earth’ world we live in.
While she may be gone, to this day, I will never forget the girl with the delightful blue smile.

Just something I wrote up in a half an hour, thoughts criticisms? I want to write a book based on the concept.

Amethyst Rose
January 28th, 2017, 10:38 PM
Turning it into a book, wow! I wish you the best of luck with that. I think there's a lot to elaborate on here. This short piece could use some cleaning up in grammar/punctuation, but I like the content. It was also a refreshing surprise to see "blue smile" rather than "blue eyes", which I'll admit I was expecting when I first saw it.

Tobyisnotdead
January 28th, 2017, 10:47 PM
Turning it into a book, wow! I wish you the best of luck with that. I think there's a lot to elaborate on here. This short piece could use some cleaning up in grammar/punctuation, but I like the content. It was also a refreshing surprise to see "blue smile" rather than "blue eyes", which I'll admit I was expecting when I first saw it.
Thanks, again this is just a really rough draft of the concept. I am thinking more on the lines of a sad memory feel. The way I'll elaborate on that is I'll elaborate on the narrators experiences more. Thank-you.

Amethyst Rose
January 28th, 2017, 10:50 PM
Thanks, again this is just a really rough draft of the concept. I am thinking more on the lines of a sad memory feel. The way I'll elaborate on that is I'll elaborate on the narrators experiences more. Thank-you.

No problem. Writing it as a memory sounds really good. Are you going to tell the story of this girl in flashbacks by someone who was close to her?

Tobyisnotdead
January 28th, 2017, 11:03 PM
No problem. Writing it as a memory sounds really good. Are you going to tell the story of this girl in flashbacks by someone who was close to her?
I wanna go for someone who's more experienced with life than the girl. So it adds to the story a bit seeing the contrast. Not really flashbacks though. More like an old man telling a story of days past. I want to keep what you know about the girl personally to a minimum. I just wanna show how she smiled or how she felt about the world that really is an unfair world. Have any ideas how I can expand on my ideas without making too many references to the girls life?

Amethyst Rose
January 28th, 2017, 11:18 PM
I wanna go for someone who's more experienced with life than the girl. So it adds to the story a bit seeing the contrast. Not really flashbacks though. More like an old man telling a story of days past. I want to keep what you know about the girl personally to a minimum. I just wanna show how she smiled or how she felt about the world that really is an unfair world. Have any ideas how I can expand on my ideas without making too many references to the girls life?

Hmm. I think when you make the first reference and introduce the girl, you need to clarify how the old man knows her. Is he her grandfather? An old family friend? A teacher she confided in? They need to be connected in some way... it would make the meaning behind his references more potent. As for expanding on your ideas, while talking about certain events and people in his life, he could mention how she might have influenced or viewed the situation had she been there? That's a tricky question, sorry if I wasn't very helpful :/

Tobyisnotdead
January 28th, 2017, 11:31 PM
Hmm. I think when you make the first reference and introduce the girl, you need to clarify how the old man knows her. Is he her grandfather? An old family friend? A teacher she confided in? They need to be connected in some way... it would make the meaning behind his references more potent. As for expanding on your ideas, while talking about certain events and people in his life, he could mention how she might have influenced or viewed the situation had she been there? That's a tricky question, sorry if I wasn't very helpful :/
Thank-you for your insight. However I don't really want them to be related as that completely disable the point. The potentness comes from you not knowing much about her except for her attitude and the 'color' of her smile. Maybe if I included something on his life that may have given him a hatred for the good in life.

Amethyst Rose
January 28th, 2017, 11:44 PM
Thank-you for your insight. However I don't really want them to be related as that completely disable the point. The potentness comes from you not knowing much about her except for her attitude and the 'color' of her smile. Maybe if I included something on his life that may have given him a hatred for the good in life.

I'm afraid at this point I'm kind of lost on how it will all come together, but I'm confident you will make a great story out of it. Happy writing and keep us updated :)

Tobyisnotdead
January 28th, 2017, 11:47 PM
I'm afraid at this point I'm kind of lost on how it will all come together, but I'm confident you will make a great story out of it. Happy writing and keep us updated :)

Thanks

dot6622
February 1st, 2017, 09:51 PM
You said you wanted to write this in a way of someone wiser looking at the girl with the blue smile. You could tie in another man or woman that have dealt with tough things in there life. From experience, I have noticed the people that have hurt the most can identify what you call " the blue smile" best. We can see past what others look at as real and see the pain. From this point of view you could better wonder the mystery of the girl. Having a character that has been through something difficult and can relate always helps me write I have noticed. Just a thought