View Full Version : I am having gay sex with my very religious brother's best friend.

January 22nd, 2017, 12:38 PM
So I've found myself in a peculiar situation. Here's a story.

My bro and his incredibly sexy best friend have an apartment together. One night I stayed at their apartment cuz I didn't feel like driving back to my college. I was going to sleep on their sofa but my bro's friend offered his bed. Long story short, after some flirting and playful touching under the covers, things got very sexual.

Fast forward 2 weeks...we have had sex maybe 10-15 times since then. I am starting to feel guilty hiding this from my brother. I know he loves his friend A LOT.

My bro's friend told me that my bro confronted him about how much time he spends with me and wanted to make sure they were still best friends. I am bothered by this. I can't help but feel as if I'm betraying my brother in some way. Does he think I'm stealing his best friend from him?

I also regret doing this tremendously but...I told my bro's girlfriend's brother about us. He's one of my closest friends and when he mentioned that I was hanging out with my bro's friend more often, I told him.

And here's where I get even MORE worried. My bro's friend asked me one night why I told my bro's GF's bro about us. He said he could "just tell" that I told him. He asked if I felt bad about what we were doing and I said "a little". He seemed to get kinda sad. No sex that night.

Fast forward another 2 weeks to now...we have not had sex since that night.

My brother asked me to come over 2 days ago and asked if I knew anything about his friend. I didn't know what he meant.

I decided to text him. What I got in response was a LONG text about how he was sorry for making me feel bad and sorry for messing up my relationship with my brother (he hasn't) and how he doesn't want to ruin his friendship with my brother and how he should have never had sex with me.

Apparently my bro hasn't even seen his friend since like Wednesday. His sister said he hasn't gone home. We don't know where he is.

What should I do? Were we wrong to have done all of this? Should I tell my brother? Should we continue our sexual relationship? I love my brother so much and I really like my brother's friend. I don't want to screw this up.

Zachary G
January 22nd, 2017, 01:36 PM
For sure I would stop having sex with your brothers friend, wipe the thought of it from your mind. As far as telling your brother about it, wouldnt say anything to him about it because it might drive a wedge between them and you dont want that. You know your brother better than anyone else, so only you know if it would be a good idea to tell him about what was going on or not, but if your relationship is built on honesty, then I would tell him and face whatever consequences there are to come.

Its a really screwy situation and can have many outcomes, so you have to decide what is best for you and what is best for your brother and the relationship he has with his friend. The only thing wrong I can say you have done is keeping things from your brother in the first place. Maybe, had you been honest with im in the beginning, you wouldnt be in the pickle youre in right now. Something to think about. Good luck.

January 30th, 2017, 08:28 PM
Well I really don't know how to approach this. I take it that both you and your brothers friend are both gay. Does your brother know that you are gay and does he know that his friend is gay? That would be a good starting point. If you and this guy are having romantically feeling for each other then maybe it's time for you two to sit down with your brother and tell him the truth so he knows that he hasn't lost a friend but you have gained a boyfriend.

January 30th, 2017, 11:12 PM
Long answer incoming (but I have more time on my hands tonight which is why I took the time). This is quite a unique situation you have described. It's hard to say what you should or shouldn't do, at least definitively. But I will tell you what I think:

First and foremost, you should stop having sex with your brother's best friend. Don't think about it, don't hold on to any hope that it will or should ever happen again. Don't go looking for it from him again. The source of your guilt and upsetting emotions began as a result of your having sex with him, so the first thing to do is end it in your mind (since you've said you haven't talked to him or done it anymore since 2 weeks ago).

You mention your "very religious" brother (or is the religious one your brother's friend?) but you don't go on to mention that at all later in your actual post. Is there a reason why you mentioned it in the title? Did you think that was important? Here's why I bring it up: someone who is very religious is likely to be opposed to gay sex as you have done. Assuming that your brother is the religious one at least, for him to find out that his own brother has been doing it with his best friend will bring about something like shell shock to him.

You mentioned your brother's friend texted you to apologize, etc. Do you think he felt so bad about what he did that he could've done something stupid? Do you think he is safe or that something happened to him? It could be, could not. Maybe you can't even tell. But it's something else to think about.

You said you love your brother very much which is awesome, and that only means he loves you back just as much. My guess is you guys tend to trust each other, get along well, etc. To your question "were we wrong to do this?" I think you guys were. You know that (again I'm assuming it's your brother that's religious) your brother is likely to hold himself up to what he sees to be higher moral standards according to what he believes. To do something like that - with his own best friend - right under his nose is, I think, insulting and reprehensible to say the least. That said you guys did it and you can't take it back. Fine. Nothing you can really do about that and no point dwelling on whether you should or shouldn't have because it's done and you can't change it.

I think I've addressed 2 of your 4 questions. Sadly, the other two questions are the most difficult and I don't think I can honestly tell you what the best thing to do is. This is something you will have to weigh - the pros and the cons - and ultimately follow whatever you decide and stick through with the consequences. But here are just some unfinished thoughts:

>> Should I tell my brother?
To be honest, you don't/didn't have to avoid gay sex just because your brother is religious or disapproves of it, though you should still consider your brother's advice since you guys are so close. You could've done it with any other guy, kept it to yourself and not tell your brother if that's what you want (or alternatively you could tell your brother that you are gay and if he loves you as you have described, then I'm sure he will come to accept it eventually), and do what you will with your life (as you totally can/should do). The reality though is that out of every possible guy you could've had sex with, you did it with your own brother's best friend. Not once, not twice, but as you said 10-15 times. This is what complicates matters. It's your brother's best friend, and now nobody has heard from your brother's friend and your brother must be worried sick by now.

Either way, its a double edged sword. If you tell your brother the truth, it will likely (or at least possibly) create a rift between the brother you love so much. Maybe your brother will hate you or maybe your relationship with your brother will never be the same again because of what he perceives to be a major betrayal or insult. (Although if he's religious there's also a chance that he may come to forgive you with time if this does happen). The other option is say nothing. Maybe things will return to normal and nobody will ever have to find out anything. But then your brother will still be really worried about what happened to his best friend. What if something bad really DID happen to his best friend? What if eventually - somehow- your brother does end up finding the truth one way or another (i.e. his girlfriend tells him either accidentally or not?) Then your brother might be furious with you for not telling him yourself. Maybe this is bad news pertaining to you that he should hear from you yourself. Or maybe nothing will happen and everything will go back to normal and you can move on.

>> What should I do?
Again everything I have told you up till now is just stuff for you to think about. I really don't have a concrete answer for you. I don't think anyone ever would. Ultimately you have already done something that in my opinion you shouldn't have, at least based on the situation you described. You will have to live with the consequences, no matter what you decide or what happens in the future. For now, at least keep trying to contact your brother's friend as often as you can (i.e. once a day, by different means such as calling/voicemail/text/email/etc). Let him know that you care about him (even though you can't have sex anymore with him), that everything is cool/we can just forget about it and be friends - anything you want. Don't let him think that he screwed up your relationship with your brother, because even if something ends up being screwed up from all this, it is technically 50-50% fault between the both of you. You will just have to reflect well on all the possibilities and options. Ultimately you have to decide what you care most about in your life and and no matter what you choose, you must be prepared to accept the consequences.

If it were me like 5 or 10 years ago, I would've probably kept silent and hope that it all blows over in the end because I'd be hella scared about what could happen to me if I do tell the truth (granted of course, this hasn't happened to me and my situations of the past are way different than yours I'm sure - but I'm just guessing based on how I was in the past). Now however, if I truly loved my brother and trusted him, maybe I'd consider telling him - telling him something - how much or little and what specifically you tell him could be up to you. But again, I'm not sure. Your situation is unique. Only you can decide. Good luck!!

P.S. Sorry for the really long post, I'm really going to work on slashing the length of my responses and reflections because I've written more than you did in your original post :/

January 31st, 2017, 03:33 PM
Im going way in left field with this-But-
I think ur Bro and his roommate might be
experimenting and when u came into the
scene and started experimenting with him
ur Bro got jealous. The roommate then felt
guilty that he got u messed up in this and
decided to go away hopefully to think all
this out. I would say that the three of u
should get together and talk this out. I
dont think that u did anything wrong-But
u should have not said anything to ur Bros
G/Fs Bro-Ur getting someone else mixed into
this mess which is not Cool.

February 1st, 2017, 06:11 PM
Well, this all may have gotten worse but may get better with time? IDK I hope so. To be honest, I was the one that screwed everything up.

I did indeed read the advice that I should not have sex with him again...but I did. At least 3 or 4 more times. But the last time was when stuff got complicated.

My bro skipped a meeting he had and came home earlier than expected. He didn't necessarily catch us in the act but he came in calling his friend's name so we stopped, got dressed, and came out. He asked what we were doing in there and his friend ignored the question and changed the subject.

It wasn't until later when I was about to leave when my bro asked me to stay a bit longer and straight up asked if we were having sex earlier.

To my great great GREAT surprise...his friend said yes. He told him basically what I told you all in my first post. As he talked, he never once looked at me so he couldn't see the pure rage building up in me. When he finished, my bro literally just nodded and was like "So are you gay?" and his friend said "Bi". Then my bro looked at me with an expression that was either sadness or shock and said "And you?".

I got up and punched my bro's friend right in the jaw. I freakin' attacked him! II got in a few licks before he very ferociously tossed me aside into the wall. He said "I'm sorry" to I guess both me and my bro and left.

My bro talked to me after and said he's always known I wasn't big into religion and he knows his friend isn't either. He said he disapproves of homosexuality but that he loves me and his friend more than he hates the sin. He wanted me to know that he is OK with it and that nothing will change.

Except something did change. I waited even longer for his friend to return. When he did, he saw me on the sofa and walked right past towards his room. I got up and grabbed him (by the hand; wasn't thinking) but he spun around and ended up shoving me into the wall . He got real close and whispered "You're lucky I didn't beat the s*** out of you earlier."

He's mad. But hell don't I have a right to be mad too? We didn't agree to spill the beans. He couldn't have known how my bro would react. He freakin OUTED me.

I'm not going to confront him again because he sounded pretty menacing when he said I was lucky and trust me, if he wanted to he could 100% beat the living s*** out of me. And probably my bro if he comes to my defense as well.

Should I talk to him? It doesn't seem his friendship with my bro is affected; my bro posted several pics of them eating out just last night. I do still want to be friends with him.

And this may sound stupid as hell, but now that my bro is more or less OK with it...can we still go at it?

February 1st, 2017, 06:49 PM
This all got out of hand. U punched him and he said
he could have beat the shit out of u and then hes sorry.
Idk if hes playing possum or ur a glutton for punishment.
Sure u want the relationship to go on but after all of this
drama I would walk away from it til it cools off and then
c where all the dust falls and decide the next step.

February 1st, 2017, 06:56 PM
OP's banned. :locked: