View Full Version : Selfish Parents?

Captain Who
January 8th, 2017, 11:24 AM
Today we were going to go to the cinema together, like we usually do - together. I said that I couldn't because I have revision to do for my exams that are coming up within the following weeks. They seemed fine with this and we haven't gone because there were also other jobs that needed to be done around the house.
Recently as a family we have not done much together at all, as in everyone else does something together like watch a film or programme while I am at work, or when we got a new games console everyone else didn't wait until I got home to play it together (like we would do if, say my dad wasn't home we would wait for him.)
Then back to today, my dad comes up to me and says they're all going to go to the cinema in the future, or watch something/do an activity, without me if I'm doing revision or work, or generally not there. Then they'll give me money to see the film on my own or whatever. I don't think they understand that I do my homework and work, not being able to join in with family stuff, by choice.

I don't know if I'm over reacting by being offended by this and thinking it unfair, or if my dad is right, but I really don't think it is fair that they get to do stuff together while I'm busy trying to better my education/earn money.

January 8th, 2017, 12:30 PM
Well what is the alternative? If your schedules don't synchronise, are they just meant to not go? This is why it is important to have your own friendship group. Sometimes this happens, education doesn't last forever and at least they are kind enough to give you money to go on your own. A lot of parents would just say 'fine, you miss out then'. Life happens, work has to be done.

~ Clara

January 8th, 2017, 06:08 PM
I think you are over reacting here. I think your dad was just trying to be thoughtful and fair to you. I am sure that they miss you being involved in family activities. Maybe you can do a few things with them. The end decision is yours so you do what you feel you need to do. At least you know your family loves you and misses you.

January 8th, 2017, 11:02 PM
If I were in your place I'd be offended too... but as you get older and gain more responsibilities/participate in more things, you can't always be involved in everything you'd like to be. You have to prioritize and make sacrifices based on what you feel is best for you. It's ok if you can't take part in every family activity, they will understand if you decline. And if they're not waiting for you, it's not because they don't care - they probably just don't want to add more stress by making you feel obligated to join them.

January 9th, 2017, 02:34 AM
Agree with those above.

This same scenario can be seen as selfish, or selfless given the angle and perspective you approach it from.

Hypotheticals to ask:

Is it selfish on your part to expect them to schedule their events around your obligations and responsibilities?


Is it selfish for them to go without you given that your doing the "work" before pleasure things life requires of older teens and soon-to-be young adults.

The bitter truth is, even among friends, as you get older it is gonna be harder to do meet-up events as groups.

My life isn't any better but I trust my friends and family love and care about be intrinsically.

It's not uncommon a friend or two or myself can't join a group activity (party, birthday, movie outing, shopping outing, sleepover etc).

Why? Because Suzie has Girl Scouts or Danielle has White Stag, Danny has a internship, Josh and Sarah have band practice. Tiffany has work every Mon., Tues., & Weds.

So it's not personal, it's just life, everyone's busy.

Celebrate or schedule an event for everyone by planning to tone down responsibilities and enjoy life a bit. For a good portion of life 16-30, I really do believe society makes us run at hyper speed to do stuff for fear of:

1. Having good enough bragging rights to get into our college of choice

2. Landing a good job AND finding a good romantic partner if you want that family life (do it while your surrounded by fellow young people and still have youthful appeal).

3. Family-Career maintenance

That's what await most people, and if you take a look to a generation ahead of us, that's our future. Expect less, rejoice later.

Just JT
January 9th, 2017, 04:23 AM
I don't think there being selfish. Just like in any friendship, sometimes they grow apart a bit. And now your older and more independent.

But IMO if it bothers you then why can't you modify your schedule to spend a few hours, justba few hours, with family doing something quality?

It's only a few hours, youncan study before or after. Yiur lucky bro you got family who wants to do stuff like that. Take advantage of those times. They won't always be an option ya no?