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dreamriver
January 5th, 2017, 10:04 PM
Good must overcome evil, because good is much higher than evil. However, that's not going to happen in our lifetimes. That's the sad story of mine.

I was in this pretty competitive high school and grades mattered a ton. Junior year was the most stressful and there comes my AP Physics teacher. He's a good teach frankly but he's also OCD, narcissistic piece of shit and I think he's single even though he's fifty-something-years-old. He made me rewrote stuff over and over again for no good reasons and I bit my teeth and said nothing. Some girls in our class flattered him, one flirting with him, and some laughed at another girl because he said she did not do something but she insisted that she did. She's so very innocent. I said nothing. I knew every day when I entered that room that it's his show, his dictatorship. Seven or eight months into the school year, I was finally pushed to the edge. That noon, he just won't point out a calculation error of mine. I left the room without saying a word, as usual. What's not usual, I ran to my favorite teacher, my mentor of my life, who taught me computer a while back and told him I wanted to commit suicide. Because I was so fucking disappointed in my inability, that teacher, and people's ordinary evil around me. I stopped going to his lectures, and he weaved sarcasm to me into his fucking departmental award ceremony speech.

Eventually I got through it by family, friends, and time. I now study computer science at a great university, became the TA (I'm only a first year), and taking computer engineering classes with juniors. But at the back of my mind, I've always thought about SEDUCING that respected, upright, sometimes naive teacher. After a full semester, I finally realized why I felt weird and homosexual when I've been straight for all my life. Scars and filth cannot be washed away by time, I started to believe. My grades are still terrific and I still have those great people around me: not many, but dependable. My future looked bright and I want to get into the academia. Sometimes I'm still afraid how narrow-minded, hypocritical it is. I felt a bit happy when I see robot Alpha-Go beat the shit out of top Go players around the world. Because I know how big an asshole us fellow human-beings can be from time to time. I will teach math myself to ninth graders in a couple of days. I used to be the happiest kid and I kinda still am, at least on good days.

I became a pantheist. I believed that the random process called evolution will bring us to goodness eventually. We are all a part of it, call it God if you like. So good trumps evil but we have to suffer evil and a lot of us may never see hope for the rest of our lives but that's our destiny. I already surrendered to it. But I will keep fighting because if I stop doing that, if I keep my mouth shut, if I stop doing good deed, I become a part of evil. But trust me, good is so much complicated, right, and beautiful than evil, it simply is. So keep fighting even if you believed it's a downhill battle.

idefineme
January 22nd, 2017, 03:10 PM
Evry person.is a little world you have contradicting urges and feeling and knowledge that contradicts everything else,but you have the choice to decide it's destiny, and what everything is ,good or bad and with that knowledge you can see the triumph of good jn every second of your life. It's your choice.

bentheplayer
January 23rd, 2017, 09:48 AM
Thanks for sharing. It is great that you can focus on areas that benefit yourself and ignore stuff that are detrimental to your growth. It is a really tough to succeed in academia now, with the kind of global competition, but at least you will be in a position to help and guide students who might be going through the same things you experienced.

Nadin
June 19th, 2017, 06:55 AM
Wow,nice story.

Roc a fella
June 20th, 2017, 12:36 AM
Cool story bro tell it again

TheAnswerIs58
June 20th, 2017, 12:38 AM
Beautiful story