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View Full Version : Am I bi? Am i gay? I'm worried and confused!!


CanuckDude
January 3rd, 2017, 02:43 PM
Hi all, so as you can see by my title, it's one of those stories.

I don't really give this a crazy amount of thought because it freaks me out like....A LOT.

I don't even know where to begin but I feel gay. Or bi. Idek. I have always imagined myself liking girls and kissing chicks. In elementary school, I had a crush on this girl for 2 years! In grade 7 and 8, I met this other girl in my class and IMMEDIATELY fell all over her face and I was shy and nervous around her because I'd always look her in the eyes. I'm in grade 12 now and we haven't talked for 3-4 years so I don't know how I truly feel about her. However, whenever I see her in the halls, I still get nervous (which is funny bcuz I doubt she even notices me or cares about me---she did know I liked her back in 7&8th grade).

Now this is where the gay component plays in...I notice these weird feelings for straight men (I can't stand girly gay men, no offence, they are hilarious and all but I feel no attraction whatsoever). To be specific, there is a guy in my class and from time to time, I'm staring at his face shamelessly. I know everyone here is going to say "Oh thats normal" but I can't even imagine coming out to my Christian+Middle Eastern parents. On top of that, all my cousins and relatives would know too.

Even in the halls, sometimes I look at their faces. Nothing else, just the face. I don't know if I'm jealous of the face but I doubt that. I also occasionally look at the faces of women in my high school but that just doesn't feel the same way for some reason.

Now my porn fantasies...I can't stand watching gay porn (at least for now unless I am in denial, I don't know!!!) but I do *SOMETIMES* enjoy watching a straight man masturbate. That's what gets me worried about my sexuality. I mostly watch straight porn but when I do watch that, I try to look for videos where the guy is a normal teen like in my school...a good looking, not overly buff and fake, guy. I find that it turns me on watching a good looking guy bang a chick. I try to force myself into watching lesbian porn but I don't get crazy erections. I also don't get crazy erections when thinking of boobs and butts. Instead, i have to try and force the thought of me enjoying boobs and butts in order for me to get an erection. Some people say it's not just the body parts but I dont even understand myself anymore.

Also, i like the thought of other STRAIGHT, good looking men, masturbating. For women, I just feel like I want to make out with them and hug them. I'm curious about having sex with a lady but nervous I won't even be able to stay hard. Sometimes when I watch gay porn, I try to see if I feel hard. Sometimes it happens but most of the time, it turns me off. I still enjoy watching straight porn the most because I like the thought of a guy having sex with a woman. Earlier, I stated that I watch good looking men having sex with ladies but I also enjoy POV anal sex where all I see is the penis inserting the vagina (no faces). With that, I imagine myself banging the girl and at the same time, think of some good looking guys in my class banging the girl.

I don't know what I am. I'm always hearing straight girls call other girls pretty and beautiful. For guys, I feel we try to hide our feelings. I always hear other teen guys talking about this hot chick and I just don't feel it. I can admit they are pretty and good looking but I don't always get very hard.

I just want to add, maybe its a phase? I doubt it because I have never really gotten boners by looking at boobs and butts. I know my cousin who is in 7th grade, he talked to me about this and he told me boobs and butts gave him boners and him saying that alone got me slightly horny.

ALSO want to add that sometimes when I think of good looking straight men, I get an erection but other times they just turn me off. Even the guys in my class. One day I'm into it, the next day i'm over it. It's like an annoying switch. I know lots of girls I would like to kiss and maybe I just need to give myself more time to see what I really am... Any advice is appreciated!

auser_name
January 3rd, 2017, 02:57 PM
There nothing wrong with admiring other guys looks. it happens to everyone. If you want my honest opinion I think you're straight/curious. You dont seem to express a desire to have a physical or emotional relation with another man. But what I do know is you shouldn't be worried. If you can't control it why worry about it. Another thing, you know you better than anyone else in the world. So I guess only you can answer this question. Please feel free to send me a private message if you have any more inter mate questions you dont feel comfortable with posting in public

CanuckDude
January 3rd, 2017, 03:01 PM
There nothing wrong with admiring other guys looks. it happens to everyone. If you want my honest opinion I think you're straight/curious. You dont seem to express a desire to have a physical or emotional relation with another man. But what I do know is you shouldn't be worried. If you can't control it why worry about it. Another thing, you know you better than anyone else in the world. So I guess only you can answer this question. Please feel free to send me a private message if you have any more inter mate questions you dont feel comfortable with posting in public

Thanks for your post. I should also specify that I can't imagine myself with a man but I have definitely thought about that one specific guy in class. The issue is, when I think of me sleeping with him, its not clear. The feeling is so...blurry. That could be because I am curious like you said but also because he is straight. I have no problem with who I am. I fear that if I did come out to be only gay, my parents would never look at me. My grandparents would never look at me. I'd lose family and that is where I fear this the most. If my family was more open about the topic, I wouldn't give a rats ass about myself and who I really am.

auser_name
January 3rd, 2017, 03:03 PM
I know how you feel. I'm yet to come out to my parents as well. my offer still stands. you need to get anything of your chest I'm here

zzzzzzzzzz
January 3rd, 2017, 03:59 PM
I have to agree with Auser. You are also still quite young. I wouldn't label any one at this age when still searching how they feel. There is no rush to fit into any category. So before even having to worry about coming out to relatives and parents, enjoy the experience of trying to find out and enjoying life

auser_name
January 3rd, 2017, 04:02 PM
I have to agree with Auser. You are also still quite young. I wouldn't label any one at this age when still searching how they feel. There is no rush to fit into any category. So before even having to worry about coming out to relatives and parents, enjoy the experience of trying to find out and enjoying life

I completely agree. I think now I the time for you to experiment with others. Just like I did at this age. and I'm sure many other boys around the world have.

NewLeafsFan
January 4th, 2017, 04:48 AM
I don't think your gay. If you were, I dont think you would like girls as you described.

You said that you dont like gay porn, but do you like the idea of being with a guy in a sexual way? Sometimes we get some kind of a crush on someone that is our gender and we like them but only them.

Do you have any sexual fantasies with girls? What do you think of girls in straight porn? What about lesbian?

From what you've said I would guess thst you are bi.