View Full Version : I just don't know..

December 10th, 2016, 01:01 PM
One year ago, everything was fine. Until my father started getting headaches. At first we thought that it was just a common cold. We were wrong. As the days passed, his health declined. We had doctors over in the middle of the night, each saying something completely different than the other. Take these medicines. No take these instead. No don't take any of them, they'll only make it worse. No one knew what was going on and nothing seemed to help. The psychological effect of seeing my father crying, crawling over the floor because he is no longer able to stand up is immense. He was hospitalised immediately. One year later, he is still recuperating. He will never return to the person he once was.

Last summer. It was late in the evening. My father received a call. It was the police. My mother had been in a car accident. She had lost control of the wheel. The car could no longer be recognised as a vehicle. Scrap metal was lying in the ditch next to the road. It was completely dark. The woman that was in the car behind her assumed the worst. Luckily, they were the only two drivers on that road at that moment. The guardian angel that was on my mother's shoulder did his job. Miraculously, my mother got out of the vehicle with just a broken arm. Such an event wakes you up. Reality strikes you with a heavy blow. It puts things into perspective.

Barely a week later, we were watching television together when our dog started acting weird. He was drooling heavily. Not long after that he started collapsing. My mother called my uncle to drive us to the vet. My father could not drive under the circumstances and neither could my mother. We had walked a happy, healthy dog in the afternoon. Three hours later, he was put down. Brain hemorrhage. He left a big hole in my life.

I was supposed to recharge during the summer. That didn't happen. I had finished my first year of college. I barely made it. By pulling a lot of strings I was allowed to stay for a little while longer. Doubt and uncertainty gnawed at me. They still do.

Is this life?
Pain and suffering, is that all life has to offer?
This can't be it, right?

I've had enough of it all. All those deadlines, worrying about tomorrow, forgetting to live today, forgetting to enjoy life. At this point, I just don't know what to do anymore... Should I take the rest of the year off? Leave it all behind and start fresh somewhere else? Or just bite through it? I kinda want to quit school and do nothing for a while but I don't want to just throw away the past year and a half either. It feels like I'm stuck and there's no way out...

Just JT
December 11th, 2016, 12:19 PM
Im sorry for your loss. Bad things come in sets of 3. So your is turning around. But still no easier to get past I know. Seems your dwelling on the past that you can't change. But you can change your future if you choose. People deal with grief and loss differently. There's no rule book on it. But you should talk to someone if things are that hard for you. That I do know helps. Even though it's painful doing it.

About school I don't think I'd take a year off. It'll only give you more time to dwell on the past. I think I'd go back, maybe take a semester of easier classes if you can, and talk to someone about how your feeling. Maybe the college has someone on campus you can talk to that'll be a help.

Be there for mom and dad cause that's what family does, and they'll be there for you. They may be feeling in a bad space to and could lean on each other. That's what family does. Try and focus on the future but also try and keep good memories of your past with your dog and when dad was healthier. Maybe another did when your ready. A new dog will never replace the old one because it's a different dog. But you might still become to love that dog as much, perhaps more or in a new and different way.