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Dyri_14
December 4th, 2016, 07:44 PM
Hi :(

My whole family passed away in a tragic car crash, my mom, dad, Brother in - law (half brother), my little sister, Then a few hours later the doorbell rings... It was the cops saying my parents died in a wreck head on with a drunk driver. I don't know what to do. I haven't even cried yet. I'm expecting them to come home in a few hours like they normally would. I have most of my belongs there and we will be moving everything over the next few days. What is going to happen to all the furniture and everything? I know I can't keep everything. I didn't go to school today and it was the last day today. The teachers told people in my class what happened though so everyone knows. I didn't tell anyone last night though cause i didn't want to talk to anyone. I know it all only happened in friday but I can't ever imagine myself being happy again. Like ever again. I'm shaking cause I'm actually realizing all are dead and I'll never see them again. My uncle (brother of my mom) gave me the option to move back to Iceland to have family to talk to, or stay my best father friends ( a couple with too my bestgirlfriends) in south europe..
We were so happy because we had a month, moved house, and my parents had renewed the contract to stay in southern Europe plus 4 years ... I miss so much the joy and the unity and friendship that we had in our family. I think of my younger sister who had so much life ahead ... and my brother in law, who supported me so much in my things and of course my parents who were my best friends and who did so much for me in this life..

Life is even unfair .. :( ((

Agda

Pyromaniac27
December 4th, 2016, 07:56 PM
My advice is to first figure out how to straighten out your life,nif you can get everything but your emotions back ontrack, you will be able to get over the situation quicker

You should go to a friend or trusted adult for help or advice

Get you self under controll, then worry about the emotional and other stuff later, give us elf some time to cool off

Double posts merged. Please use the edit button next time. ~Lost Horizon

ska8er
December 4th, 2016, 09:12 PM
If there r councilors in ur school talk to them
I'm sure they will b able to help u.

Matryoshkasystem
December 4th, 2016, 11:32 PM
You need a support system, this sounds as if your emotional/mental system is being overloaded, you will be happy again though, only after you start to process it truly. Our body has never went through something quite like this, but a lot of us inside have. We are all hoping you can rebound after this, cause this is something truly devastating and horrible.-from our system

jockeyboy97
December 4th, 2016, 11:37 PM
My deepest sympathy. I cannot imagine the pain you are going through. Stay close to you surviving family members and friends. Like everyone says please seek counseling. You need someone to talk to and need support for this tragic loss. You also have a large support group here at VT. Were a big family.
God Bless You!!

Katrinchen
December 5th, 2016, 10:14 AM
without words :(
i feel with you

Second Chance
December 5th, 2016, 03:14 PM
I do not think there are any words that can be said that can be said in any language that can possibly be of comfort at this time. My heart goes out for you, and life really is unfair for this to have happened.

What I will tell you is to take things one day at a time, and now is the time you need to go to someplace with your family. I know that going back to Iceland may not be exactly the best option, but if you can go live with someone who will act as your surrogate family, then that is your best bet. More than anything you should not be alone, and if you have to go to another place so that you will be with people who will care for you unconditionally, then do it. Those people will never take the place of your parents and sibling(s), but at least they will be there for you.

I would say more than anything it is all right to feel overwhelmed and alone and to be sad. While things will never be the same my guess is if your Mum's family are good people they will help you and will surround you with love.

I cannot say how sorry I am for you, and my sincere hope is that your family will be compassionate and be helpful for you as you go through this difficult time.

Ben7
December 6th, 2016, 01:08 AM
I am very sorry to hear about your losses and about the tragedy that took place. Though I'm no stranger to loss, what you have described is entirely of another magnitude and I am even more sorry for that. I know you are lonely, confused, distraught, sad, upset and probably a hundred other things on top of that.

You no doubt had an incredible family and I am confident you won't ever forget them, moreover I'm sure you will always remember them and keep them in your memories. This in itself won't necessarily make it any better or less painful right now but I think that many years from now when you look back on this tragedy, you might be able to see the memories that you have of your family under a new light and appreciation. Because the fact of the matter is that your family- first and foremost your parents but also your siblings- shaped you- they helped make you who you are today. And in that sense you yourself will always be a reflection of your family.

But I think that right now you don't really care about how things might be "years from now" because right now, in the present, you have a ton of things to deal with. You said you can either go to Southern Europe or to Iceland. Thankfully you still have options of where you can go. Ultimately, as cliche as it sounds, you need to follow your heart on this decision. Think about it and decide where you would most like to spend your life, where you'd think you will be more comfortable, happy, make friends, and feel a sense of belonging. You can't really go wrong with what you decide, and I'm sure there are pros and cons to both. Good luck choosing. As for your family it will be terrible and agonizing maybe or maybe you will feel empty or sad or depressed. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do about this, only time will make it better. Right now you should try to look at the good in what you have and try to look forward. It won't be easy but you need to at least try. I'm here as are so many kind and great people on VT should you want anyone to talk to. I wish you the very best with everything and once again I am sorry!

rioo
December 6th, 2016, 10:02 AM
Oh my God.
Thats really sad. Stay strong. Its completely alright if u want to cry.
Last year I saw boy waiting his parent coffin at airbase, his parent was on helicopter accident. that sad moment for me too.

Just JT
December 6th, 2016, 12:58 PM
I'm sorry for your loss. There are many members here who have experienced significant loss themselves. Just know you are not alone. We, if nobody else, are here to talk to when you need to.

As for what to do? There's so much to do you simply can't not process all of it at one time. The most common important thing right now is you. Everything else will work out in time when it's time.

I'd recommend you stay with your friends till things slow down. Get through the funerals, get some kind of regularity back in your life and just grieve. There's no time table to that.

Many things may not be things you make decisions on or may need dome adults to help with you on making those decisions. Like families personal belongings, school etc. but that's all stuff girl later on....

Just be with those closest to you for now, take it easy and take your time in grieving. You've lost a lot. I thought I lost a lot, we both lost a lot. So just try and focus on you, now, and getting your basic needs and the help you WILL need

It's a bad time of year to be alone and amidst more huge change like you've already been through. Stay close to loved ones and keep talking here, with them, a counselor, whoever. And don't fall behind in school. Soon as you can get back even if you don't feel like you are ready. It'll be hard to return. Everyone will express their sympathy, and that won't be easy to handle. But it's p,art of the process, everyone means well. And once through that step, your back on track to having as much of a normal life as possible

Later, who knows how long, you'll know when, if it ever comes at all, what to decide and when about everything else. Don't overwhelm yourself ok?

Peace hope and hugs

Vegas2933
December 6th, 2016, 03:37 PM
Oh my God I am so sorry. I hope you find your way through ok. Just remember, even without a family, you are not alone.

Uniquemind
December 7th, 2016, 04:16 AM
Well what's most likely gonna happen is very business-like.

A lot of the family stuff is going to go into public storage, or is gonna be auctioned off possibly.

For your future your goal now is to raise as much monetary support as possible now that the main income stream to your household no longer exists.

The upside is your 16, meaning in 2 years, you will be a legal adult in most countries, and you should have legal power over property rights and most things financial.

For now though there's a time to grieve, and a time to finish educational goals and figure out career goals. Lean on your friends, and extended family like cousins and aunts and uncles, you're gonna need it when the grief hits, and it will, it might be a month from now, it might even be years from now, on an anniversary of something significant etc.

Be strong, focused, disciplined and breathe.

Your gonna feel swallowed up with pity from others and at times that's gonna anger you, because it will remind you, you'll feel judged regarding your situation.

For this reason my response is one of strength to you, LIVE and enjoy life and be free of survivors guilt if it ever hits you, know that by living onward you carry on your family's legacy. Make them smile, and remember the core message of every lesson your parents ever taught you about life however unfair they seemed at the time, their gonna be relevant now.


--
My next piece of advice is to blog...just monologue, write a fictional story to go and vent, whether that'd be here or VT or to some trusted person in PM on This site once you're allowed to PM.

I'm sure this community would gladly help you through this, and I'm sure I've seen similar teens go through situations of grief that you might find some mutual understanding.

Uniquemind
December 7th, 2016, 05:52 AM
Deleted

Just JT
December 7th, 2016, 10:26 AM
My next piece of advice is to blog...just monologue, write a fictional story to go and vent, whether that'd be here or VT or to some trusted person in PM on This site once you're allowed to PM.

I'm sure this community would gladly help you through this, and I'm sure I've seen similar teens go through situations of grief that you might find some mutual understanding.

I agree. This site has been a huge help to me in many ways. Some are similar to yours as well. But the going back and forth, it helps. Even here yeah it's pretty public, but you'll receive replies advise and support from many people. Probably none having the same experience as you as yours in rather unique. But many here have had similar experiences with death, loss, grief, grieving, alternative living situations, and all those decisions that go along with that. So you have a wrealth of people with knowledge, and willingness to help.

But that's takes 2, us and you.... to also talk and express how your feeling and doing with everything going on.

But it's up to you ok?

zzzzzzzzzz
December 8th, 2016, 04:03 PM
I'll join others in my complete condolences to you. Whilst a number of us may have lost a grandparent (I have) or a parent (not been there yet), and know the pain, to have lost several members of your family in one go is unamiable to most of us. It is only one step at a time. The house, furniture, possessions will sort themselves out over time, right now that is not important. People you know will want to help, but it's so easy in this situation to feel powerless to do so. However having them there is great comfort in itself. It will not be easy. The not crying yet and expecting them to appear, sounds like numbness and denial, and that is completely normal. Emotions will flow when the funerals happen. That may involve crying, shouting and blaming the entire world at what's happened, but you know what - that is OK too. I think until that point, you will be unable to move on. I truly hope the family you still have around you help you and you have the counselling that you need. It is one day at a time, and we are all here, even if it is just to let off steam and blame the world

jamie_n5
December 8th, 2016, 07:40 PM
I am so sorry for your loss of family. That has to be pure hell. You will have to get through the funeral and all of that part first. I think it would be a good choice to start out staying with your girl friends family. Try to get your head back on straight and I would guess their parents would help you through with what to do with your housing arrangements and furniture and what not. I don't know how laws work in Europe but here in the USA usually your parents estate or all things and funds would be probated through a court. Hopefully you can get some good help and advice. The funeral director would be a good place to start for advice. I feel so much for you and wish you luck and strength to make it through all of this.

dude_g
December 10th, 2016, 02:45 PM
You will never be alone look for the right people

Dyri_14
December 25th, 2016, 07:48 PM
Thank you all for the support you gave me !!

Big kiss to everyone

Just JT
December 25th, 2016, 08:10 PM
Thank you all for the support you gave me !!

Big kiss to everyone

How was your Christmas?
Were you able to be with family or friends?

Uniquemind
December 25th, 2016, 11:19 PM
How was your Christmas?
Were you able to be with family or friends?

Without asking it's probably been tough.


Regardless, we all wish you a merry Christmas Dyri!! And we're thinking of you.

Barbara.
December 25th, 2016, 11:52 PM
I could never imagine the horrible experience that you went through but I hope you found love and peace somehow though the holidays. No one should never endure such heartache.

Just JT
December 26th, 2016, 08:28 PM
Without asking it's probably been tough.


Regardless, we all wish you a merry Christmas Dyri!! And we're thinking of you.

I no
Been there
Just askin'

Uniquemind
December 29th, 2016, 02:35 AM
I no
Been there
Just askin'

I know we haven't heard from her in a while...

Trevor.
December 29th, 2016, 03:48 AM
Hi :(

My whole family passed away in a tragic car crash, my mom, dad, Brother in - law (half brother), my little sister, Then a few hours later the doorbell rings... It was the cops saying my parents died in a wreck head on with a drunk driver. I don't know what to do. I haven't even cried yet. I'm expecting them to come home in a few hours like they normally would. I have most of my belongs there and we will be moving everything over the next few days. What is going to happen to all the furniture and everything? I know I can't keep everything. I didn't go to school today and it was the last day today. The teachers told people in my class what happened though so everyone knows. I didn't tell anyone last night though cause i didn't want to talk to anyone. I know it all only happened in friday but I can't ever imagine myself being happy again. Like ever again. I'm shaking cause I'm actually realizing all are dead and I'll never see them again. My uncle (brother of my mom) gave me the option to move back to Iceland to have family to talk to, or stay my best father friends ( a couple with too my bestgirlfriends) in south europe..
We were so happy because we had a month, moved house, and my parents had renewed the contract to stay in southern Europe plus 4 years ... I miss so much the joy and the unity and friendship that we had in our family. I think of my younger sister who had so much life ahead ... and my brother in law, who supported me so much in my things and of course my parents who were my best friends and who did so much for me in this life..

Life is even unfair .. :( ((

Agda

Sorry for your loss... You need to find the best choice to move on and live your life. Your family will be in my prayers. GOD BLESS YOU ♡.♡ :)