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View Full Version : So I have been writing something but i don't know if it is good


tyler1904
November 22nd, 2016, 11:49 PM
Love at first sight. Is what a lot of people would think, see I don’t believe in that. I feel like love is something you need to gradually learn to feel, and love the way you feel about that person. To be able to share a life with someone to get to know them. That’s why I think relationships who start off with people you’ve known for a long time work the best , you just have this connection that can’t be shared with a stranger. So yes I did see a gorgeous girl who I thought I really liked, and over the years I’ve learned I love her. I love a beautiful girl by the name of Cali Rose. We have known each other since the 6th grade. i remember the day we met from start to finish. it was in science class, our teacher Ms.Sharp, was assigning partners for a class project. Cali and I were the last ones left it was like destiny… we were meant to be best friends, since the start of the solar system unit. Her and I started talking and we had so much in common, from our favorite planet, to our definition of love. That brings us to today, the worst day of my life. Today June 6th, 2014 the girl of my dreams got asked out by the spawn of satan, Ben, captain of the football team, and the guy who made my life a living hell. Let me tell you why he is the worst possible human in the world. 1. He is a tool. 2. He is a fuckboy. 3. He’s insensitive, and only cares about himself. Cali deserves someone who cares about her more than anyone in the world she deserves the best in the world. See the thing about liking someone you don't love them right away the liking turns into love and you just move on from that point, but the thing is you never forget your first love. After school the spawn had practice so Cali came over to my house, we talked for a bit and she asked me was I thought about James, I told her was I really thought about him, you could tell she was upset like pissed the fuck off.


“How could you say that about my boyfriend”


”Ok first off let's take a moment and think about what your boyfriend
has said about me… he has called me gay, fag and, a worthless peice of shit”


“Well he hasn't really talk to you yet to see how amazing you are”


“Wow…I can’t believe that you would stand up for him in this situation over the person you have known for 5 years, 5 years Cali…I think you need to leave”




Feel free to comment :):)

brandon9
November 23rd, 2016, 09:47 PM
Its a good concept, I could see it being expanded into a full-length story. You developed the characters well enough for the reader to develop a connection to the protagonist despite the shortness of the post. Could use a bit of grammatical correction but nothing serious.

I'd totally tell you to keep writing. Develop the story, make it unique. And don't worry too much about what others think - as long as you are happy with your writing, nobody else matters.

Anniebanannie
November 23rd, 2016, 11:25 PM
It has a good tone. Is it autobiographical?

tyler1904
November 25th, 2016, 10:03 PM
Its a good concept, I could see it being expanded into a full-length story. You developed the characters well enough for the reader to develop a connection to the protagonist despite the shortness of the post. Could use a bit of grammatical correction but nothing serious.

I'd totally tell you to keep writing. Develop the story, make it unique. And don't worry too much about what others think - as long as you are happy with your writing, nobody else matters.
Thank you

It has a good tone. Is it autobiographical?
no it is not

brandon9
November 25th, 2016, 11:27 PM
No problem man, keep it up! If you ever want an opinion or any advice let me know - I'm pretty skilled at writing intense first-person narratives (like Catcher In the Rye intensity lol). Be glad to help any time