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View Full Version : Help! Jealous friend!


ZzeWatermelon
November 13th, 2016, 06:01 PM
I am a girl, 17. My girl friend, same age as me, has just been acting mean to me for weeks.
Although I can barely admit it, guys at school like me a lot, and I often get compliments and get noticed, whistled at. I don't dress particularly nice, don't wear makeup. I don't even notice that they like me until they show it off. This girl friend of mine told me: "How do you get so many guys to like you! It'a so unfair!"

And she states that the situation is unfair to her, whenever I bring good news (considering my crush) she fakes that her reaction is positive and supportive. She always tries to bring me down (Mean comments on my physical appearance, and the way I carry myself, speak, my accent...) and she is just mean to me. She always tries to bring me down to make HERSELF look better. I eventually figured it meant Jealousy...

I am going to have a talk with her.. Why would she be jealous though? Is it really the fact that I am seen as attractive that kills her? She also criticizes everything though! (My school marks, social life, boy/love life...)

I actually blame myself for it, and I don't ask for any of the attention I get, and I am the shy type of girl and it is quite embarrassing when I walk through a corridor and get a million stares. Girls look at me quite negatively as well. And the fact she IS extremely mean to me is super annoying.

What are the ways to fix that? Reassure her? Show her that she doesn't need to be jealous; looks are not that important?

And also is there any way you could explain how is it possible that I don't see myself as ugly nor attractive (I'm like normal looking in my eyes), and others see I don't what in me? I would understand if I dressed in a revealing way or wore tons of makeup, but I really just go out after doing basic hygiene steps....

And by the way - I think this is in the wrong thread so please move it, sorry for that.

Uniquemind
November 14th, 2016, 12:55 AM
Maybe there's something about you that's just really appealing to guys that is intrinsically not a stereotypical thing our culture says "is attractive".

Amethyst Rose
November 14th, 2016, 01:03 AM
Your friend needs to gain confidence in herself. Do not blame yourself for the way she treats you, it sounds like you are doing just fine to me. :) If she were my friend, when she makes remarks about grades, appearance etc., I would reassure her that she is just as good as you and attempting to drag you down in the hopes of making herself look better won't accomplish anything.

ClaraWho
November 14th, 2016, 02:19 AM
What makes you think she is a 'friend'?

Negative people are extremely draining to be around. They try to bring everyone down to their miserable level, because if they can't be happy, neither can you. She clearly has issues, but you are neither her therapist or in the best position to help her. If you can move away, start limiting contact with the end goal of ending contact, that seems like the best option.

If you try pointing out how she acts jealous, she will most likely lie and try to make you feel stupid for thinking it. But you know you are right. Jealous people rarely admit it directly and to be fair, they probably don't realise why they feel so negatively towards you.

In terms of how you should carry yourself, just be you. Everyone is stupidly paranoid about being thought of as 'arrogant' for thinking they are attractive. There's nothing wrong with thinking you are pretty. Or talented. Or funny. Or intelligent. That's called self-belief and it is the mindset of those who are happy and confident. Know your strengths, work on your weaknesses, and stay positive.

Jealous people only hold you back from being happy. And they won't change for your sake.

~ Clara

ZzeWatermelon
November 14th, 2016, 02:54 AM
Thank you for all of your helpful messages. I will talk to her and reassure her but I will try to distance myself a bit more from her.

Living For Love
November 14th, 2016, 08:12 AM
Relationships and Dating :arrow2: Family and Friends

jamie_n5
November 14th, 2016, 05:19 PM
That sounds like the right idea to me also Zzewatermelon.

ska8er
November 14th, 2016, 09:56 PM
Maybe there is more to u than meets the eyes
of the guys-u don't have to wear a lot of makeup
and u don't have to dress nice but I'm sure u look
good. As for ur friend maybe she is doing something
that is turning off the guys. I would just tell u to b
urself and don't let her bring u down. A good friend
would not act jealous.

ZzeWatermelon
November 16th, 2016, 04:27 PM
Thank you for your comments!

I spoke to her, and she said that she is absolutely not jealous!
The conversation wasn't really helpful but at least we spoke

AutumnWinds
November 26th, 2016, 01:10 PM
she honestly doesn't sound like that good of a friend to me. why put up with someone who always says mean things about you? you deserve better.

I am a girl, 17. My girl friend, same age as me, has just been acting mean to me for weeks.
Although I can barely admit it, guys at school like me a lot, and I often get compliments and get noticed, whistled at. I don't dress particularly nice, don't wear makeup. I don't even notice that they like me until they show it off. This girl friend of mine told me: "How do you get so many guys to like you! It'a so unfair!"

And she states that the situation is unfair to her, whenever I bring good news (considering my crush) she fakes that her reaction is positive and supportive. She always tries to bring me down (Mean comments on my physical appearance, and the way I carry myself, speak, my accent...) and she is just mean to me. She always tries to bring me down to make HERSELF look better. I eventually figured it meant Jealousy...

I am going to have a talk with her.. Why would she be jealous though? Is it really the fact that I am seen as attractive that kills her? She also criticizes everything though! (My school marks, social life, boy/love life...)

I actually blame myself for it, and I don't ask for any of the attention I get, and I am the shy type of girl and it is quite embarrassing when I walk through a corridor and get a million stares. Girls look at me quite negatively as well. And the fact she IS extremely mean to me is super annoying.

What are the ways to fix that? Reassure her? Show her that she doesn't need to be jealous; looks are not that important?

And also is there any way you could explain how is it possible that I don't see myself as ugly nor attractive (I'm like normal looking in my eyes), and others see I don't what in me? I would understand if I dressed in a revealing way or wore tons of makeup, but I really just go out after doing basic hygiene steps....

And by the way - I think this is in the wrong thread so please move it, sorry for that.